#l3ah

I find it hard to experience different emotions all at once. At some point, the only relevant feeling that I can't seem to control is my anger. I don't know why, or how. It's all that I can feel. It's not even about questioning my worth. I know mine. It doesn't even needs elaborations. I just feel tired, and sad. It's hard when things don't go the way you planned them. It's hard that people you care about have their own lives. I became dependent again. I never wanted this. I felt needy, desparate...all the time. Even the love of my life can't seem to help me. It's within me. Kind of a battle thing with myself. I felt like I lost myself a bit. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my life. Crying doesn't help me anymore. Weighing things and people took its toll on me. I'm so drained. I want to curl on my own. I want to return to them when I'm all better, but I can't do that anymore. I'm already commited with some people. I don't really know what to do with these feelings anymore. I'm not good with this.

i missed studying though. I miss those late night crammings, late night cravings, emotional breakdowns inside bathrooms, surprise dance party with friends. If i were to rate my life, i can practically say that i had one of the best moments in my life. I'm happy they happened. I wish i could revisit them just to feel things again.

Hahahahaha I actually stopped ranting and expressing my thoughts over twitter. It's not private anymore. I actually felt exploited...even before. But joke's on me because I did that to someone as well and was caught in a very surprising way that won't mend things back again. I don't know. I kind of felt like I don't have the right to express things anymore. Moreover, it's as if my emotions are caged and that every word that I say affects people around me. Sometimes i feel like it's much better if i keep silent, but it's not good for me. Well, even if you do read this, you don't even know who i am...and more importantly, you won't even read this. Which is fine, totally. I just missed typing.