#l.post

on the surface level, the divide seems rather benign- systems are just grouping together based on similar expressions, thats a normal thing. but ive noticed, its coming to a point where crossover between these 2 groups is becoming more difficult and at-odds, which is going to hurt a lot of systems.

i am a system that minimally differentiates socially. on syscord and in offline groups we dont do it all, on sysblr we just use our names for tag categorization. ive noticed over the years that, when interacting with systems who differentiate more or singlets that know systems who differentiate more, a lot of my experiences related to my systemhood are less likely to be believed- or even the fact i have did myself.

its not really an overt fakeclaiming. theres so much wariness about that in the community, so i havent heard the exact words "you arent a system," but theres subtleties.

its the constant questioning of why i dont use proxy bots, why i dont share alter roles or introject status, etc- and its never anyone actually prompting for my motive, as its routinely coupled with needless reminders on how to use a proxy bot or whatever and what an introject is, as if i do not know anything! its "you need to be like my system for me to respect you as a system" and its so dreadfully frustrating. i should not have to sacrifice my privacy and comfort to be acknowledged.

and it bleeds outside of system spaces online! im in writing servers where ive been questioned about if im actually writing did respectfully just because i didnt have a character with did solidly differentiate between alters, and that had upset another system in the server who did differentiate. why is the absence of public differentiation seen as suspicious and disrespectful?

i know ive seen it inverted too. there have been times where ive had to tell systems i know who dont differentiate to stop being so skeptical and suspicious of systems with public alter lists and individual introductions. both these groups overtly and quietly fakeclaim the other. its not right. i dont want to say its natural- i dont think its natural for this kind of animosity and suspicion to arise without some sort of outside influence.

i think back on when my system still used alter roles- it wasnt pleasant. i was labelled a persecutor, and thus, all legitimate objections to situations were overlooked. i was pushing away from an ex that was too pushy? too bad, i was severing relationships "for no reason." i scold other parts for doing things that get us sick? "too hostile," even though our body was being irreparably hurt. i was just angry, and who wouldnt be! its a natural instinct to want to be listened to, and i wasnt!

and like internally it already sucked, but it was coupled with a social circle where my system was pressured to be open about alter roles. and who the fuck wants to talk to a persecutor? "oh, lets go talk to the alter who is publicly listed as someone who severs relationships and argues with their system" said no one ever. the role of persecutor doesnt make me sound like someone worth getting to know. theres a lot i like to talk about, but it all came second to "persecutor." even as i make this post, theres a nagging little dread in my mind- will what i say be discounted because i was considered a "persecutor" at some point in time?

because it also comes down to the vibe that alter roles are some fixed thing. parts in a system are equally capable of growth as a singlet. if we werent, why would recovery matter? my first introduction to alter roles never came with the asterisk "roles can change." we thought we had to identify with how we were labelled until no-one-knows-when. alters in other systems i saw back then didnt stop being tied to being a persecutor; when they ceased to fit the definition, they were just labelled "ex-persecutors." it was unforgiving, it was letter-A punitive, it was reflective of a wider community that neglects to consider that growth requires letting go and moving on!

it made sense, then, that alter roles were only explained in a way to fit ideas of scarlet letter "socialness and community," rather than their initial intent within the medical field- for system-mapping and recovery planning. the cdd community had made it so alter roles have stopped being about recovery and growth.

even in terms of advocacy, its just been calls for recognition alone, of all things. it feels so empty. youre seen- now what? what will you use that visibility for? does the endo community have a poverty and homelessness problem? is it harder for them to access education and job training? what does the community as a whole need? does the community even have problems?

like, the worst "problem" has been being compared to people with cdds, and the solution shown thus far to that has been to go "no no no we dont have trauma, were sane, were palatable, unlike those trauma survivors!" instead of advocating to destigmatize cdds and support the most vulnerable ppl in the community. again, a lot of these popular pro-endo superfluous resources will genuinely only reach people in the system community who have access to certain advantages already- people with consistent internet access, people in the imperial core anglosphere, so on.

THIS THUMBNAIL LIED TO ME