Renperor prompt: Kylo's crying about sex and Rey is Comforting and Reaffirming him and Loving and it's all Emotions and Drama
My soft boi is only emotions and drama
It was happening too fast.
One moment he said something sweet to her, his arms around her waist, next she was kissing him hotly, fervently, pushing him down onto the bed. She was running her hands up his chest, down his thighs, into his hair. Her weight settled on top of his hips like an anchor. He was paralyzed. Stuck unable to move in a dissociative episode. A child afraid. He was going through motions he didn't know he'd memorized, shutting out emotions that threatened to surface. He—
He sat up forcefully, chest heaving. Panic rose like bile, bitter and sour and entirely unwelcome.
Rey, knocked to the floor from his abrupt movement, groaned. "You could have said no."
"What do you mean?"
"No? Two letter word? Means you're not having a good time?" She stood slowly, rubbing her back. She was only half dressed, clothes lost around the room in her hungry assault.
He felt uncomfortable looking at her, seeing her body. She raised her arms to tie her hair back and he glanced away from her breasts, embarrassed.
Rey sighed. "Are you going to tell me what you're thinking this time? Or are we going to forget I tried again?"
"We'll forget."
She nodded after a long silence. "Okay. I'm going to go to bed, then. Unless you want me to stay?"
"I'd prefer if you didn't."
He averted his eyes as she gathered her clothes and left without a word, turning the lights off as she went. She didn't have to ask; this scenario had played out so many times already.
She got close to him, physically, emotionally, and then he drew back. Immediately, viciously. The second she slipped her fingers under his robes he felt exposed, disgusted, uncomfortable. The touching, the closeness, the—
Intimacy.
He hated it.
Detested.
It made him feel so...weak, vulnerable, surrounded. No matter her intention, he couldn't help but feel cornered like an injured animal in a small cage, lashing and growling and hissing until the hands reaching towards him drew back. Her intentions were well-meaning, but he felt at though she were lying to him, spinning deceitful webs. Like she would discard him after she cracked open his shell to get at his soft flesh.
He lay awake for hours, panic subsiding so slowly, so miserably. He'd be a wreck in the morning but what else was new? He was always a wreck, only sometimes he hid it better.
She sat across from him when he took breakfast. She knew he was miserable and exhausted but didn't mention it, didn't allude to his latest, greatest failure to please his wife. He was grateful she never seemed to dwell on it, though the brief glimpses he'd seen into her psyche said this hurt her, a lot. She didn't understand why she wasn't good enough, or how to be better, not grasping the true issue behind this mess: him. It was never her fault, not once.
"Can I sleep with you tonight?"
She was hesitant to enter his bedroom, hand gripping the doorframe until her knuckles turned white.
"Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure or else I wouldn't have asked."
"You may, then."
She was quiet until he turned out his light, stirring to life when he rolled onto his side, back to her. Her arms, small, delicate, powerful, wrapped around his waist. She pressed her cheek to his back. "Can we talk about last night?"
"What is there to talk about?"
"Your....issue."
Kylo's skin prickled. "I don't have an issue."
"You do. It's like you're afraid of me, or of my body, I can't tell."
"Your body?"
"You never look at me when I undress. I have had a lot of men stare at me nude so trust me, I notice you're not." She took a deep breath in. "Am I not...enough for you?"
"Of course you're enough."
"Then why don't you look at me? Or let me touch you?"
His voice grew small. "Because I'm not enough."
"What?"
"Because I'm not good enough and I feel... terrible to be on the receiving end of your affection." His eyes were hot, throat so painfully tight. "Like an imposter."
"Sweetheart." She held him tighter. "You know I—"
"Don't fucking say it."
"Fine, I have feelings for you. Strong ones. Real ones. Feelings that make me want to sit down and talk it out every time you flinch away from me like I've threatened you with a hot poker." Her lips were like cool rain on his neck. "I want to give you me, my heart, in exchange for yours. You must understand that by now, right?"
He felt the sob in his throat and choked it down. She noticed anyway, sharp girl. Knowing his stubbornness, she climbed over him in order to face him, to pull his hands away from his tear-soaked eyes.
"Kylo."
"Please don't."
"Kylo."
"I'm not—"
She weaseled her way under his defences, she always did. "I'm not mad. Or disappointed. Or going to leave you for someone who doesn't need time. I'm going to stay here, with you, until you're comfortable."
"What if that takes an eternity?"
"Then I guess I'm going to be here for an eternity, aren't I?" She kissed his brow, his cheek, and locked her arms around him. "We can start small, soft."
"I'd like that." He couldn't get close enough to her, couldn't figure out how to lace himself under her bones. This would have to do for now. "Thank you....for being patient with me."
She chuckled, snuggling in. "What kind of lover would I be if I weren't?"
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Also anon, if you'd like to talk about things like this, I'm always around even if you just want to stay on anon or something like that. I know how your situation feels and what it's like to live in it for years, but also the reality of it when you get out. I'm certainly no expert but I can always try and give advice and hopefully, some hope that things won't always be the way they are.
👀  I’m really eyeing 34 gotta be honest50 - loud sex
A distinctive howl echoes down the officers’ corridor. It’s filthy, too loud, and ends with a high whine. Hux stops cold, gripping tighter to the datapad under his arm. He knows that timbre, the notes of that voice. With a grimace, he shakes off the embarrassment and continues to the offending room. He’s got a new request for Ren, and he’ll be damned if he’s intimidated by his lewd, reprehensible techniques.
He schools his face as he buzzes the comm on the door. An agitated growl greets him, Ren’s breath heavy. “What?”
“Snoke called a meeting and you were conveniently absent. He’s asked me to deliver his message to you in person.”
“Can’t you just leave it in the entryway?”
“In person.” Imbecile.
“Fine, fine.”
“Are you seriously just going to leave me like this?” It’s a woman’s voice, needy, familiar. It had better not be his little desert pet.
“Not for very long.”
There’s a sound of skin being slapped and Hux cringes. “Turn the damn comm off!”
In a few short seconds, he is greeted to the sight of a freshly-fucked Ren, his dark hair slicked with sweat, beads of moisture on his forehead, dressing gown barely tied around his waist. Hux experiences a small fit of jealousy, glaring at the rosy coloring on his throat and chest. “What?”
“Here.” He thrusts the pad at him, refusing to make eye contact. “All the information is on it. Can you and your lady friend keep it the kriff down? The whole hallway is being plagued by your loud mouth.”
“That’s kind of the point, isn’t it?” His smirk is dangerous, teeth sharp behind his swollen lips. “Here that babe? You have to scream louder,” he calls over his shoulder.
Hux thinks he’s going to retch.
“Tell Snoke I’ll meet with him in the morning. And if you want in, you can just say it.” He winks, malice clear in his gaze.
“You asswipe—“
“Calm dow,” he chuckles, “it’s too easy to rile you.”
The door closes and he takes off, furious. He doesn’t make it halfway down the hall before Kylo’s moan pierces still air.
I hope this doesn't come off as strange, but @anon, you're not alone in this. I've come so far from where I used to be but growing up, the only way that I understood how to process what I was feeling was to not feel it at all. This led, and still does, to me expressing things in a way that was called 'inappropriate' for a situation or was so unfamiliar to me that I deemed it 'unreasonable.' It's okay not to know how to deal with it, but sometimes writing it out and deleting it can help.
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mmmm right now probably Breath of the Wild, Fallout 4, and Assassin’s Creed (I’m on Revelations but I’m not loving it). of All time i’d say Ocarina of Time, Sims, and Harvest Moon
