#krampusthechristmasdevil

I watch so many movies that when I see a bad one, it’s no big deal. Even deeply flawed creations usually contain something to enjoy. There’s no need to get angry about a bad film. Once it's done, move on. Once in a while, however, you encounter a 0-star piece of garbage like Krampus: The Christmas Devil and you get so mad it makes you want to set yourself on fire or jump off a cliff.

Police officer Jeremy (A.J. Leslie) is investigating a series of disappearances all tied to a mysterious supernatural creature he encountered as a child, a sinister holiday demon named the Krampus. At the same time, a criminal recently released from prison (Bill Oberst Jr.) has a score to settle with our hero.

Krampus: The Christmas Devil establishes itself within 5 seconds as a film with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. It's obvious this "movie" is little more than a bunch of amateurs who once saw a horror movie and said “Hey, we can do that!” These individuals (none of which display an ounce of talent) have managed to make a film that is loaded with continuity errors, clunky dialogue, groan-inducing performances and cinematography so poor it looks like it was shot by a one-legged child with a cellphone. The plot is convoluted and disjointed, none of the characters’ actions make sense. It doesn’t deliver any gore – unless you count red Kool-Aid poured over snow that’s been trampled flat by repeated takes. The Krampus costume is so bad you can see the person’s face beneath it.

The only thing that’s “good” about Krampus: The Christmas Devil is that it DOESN’T contain a rape scene. With pointless and gratuitous nudity thrown in about halfway through (the film has a running time of what feels like a thousand years), I fully expected it to be all-the-way tasteless. I guess it isn’t.

This film made me furious, like pick a fight-with-someone-with-no-arms or drown-myself-in-battery acid furious. Considering how good of a time these hacks had making Krampus: The Christmas Devil (the end credits show endless bloopers and snippets of the “making of”) I didn’t expect them to know better. It’s the distributors I feel a murderous rage towards. This picture has been released to the public instead of buried in the desert. People will accidentally buy it or watch it. It’s a scam. No one should EVER be subjected to this kind of torture.

Krampus: The Christmas Devil is an insult. Everything I’ve told you about it might make you believe that it’d be so bad it’s good, but it isn’t. It’s so bad you'll want to beat yourself in the head with a hammer. Either your memory of it will be wiped, or you'll die. Either would be sweet relief. (December 23, 2016)