#koutai

“I got chocolate today.”

Taichi had been sitting in Koushirou’s office for quite some time now, waiting for him to finish up for the day – which usually meant waiting for several hours, as he never managed to leave the workplace before 9 PM. It was precisely 8:40 PM now. Not that Taichi had checked his watch for the tenth time in the past five minutes… Or for the twentieth time in the past twenty.

It was only now – sitting on the office couch with Tentomon napping beside him – that he finally managed to gather enough courage to speak up. Say the words that had been lingering on his tongue all freaking Valentine’s Day.

“That shouldn’t really surprise you”, Koushirou said calmly without looking up from his computer setup. Taichi’s heart, however, couldn’t help but skip a beat.

“You think?”, he asked hoarsely, immediately clearing his throat. Man, he hadn’t expected to be that nervous, but Koushirou still didn’t look at him. Instead, he was just shrugging slightly.

“You’re underestimating your own popularity among our staff.”

“Eh…”, Taichi made intelligibly, clearing his throat again as he tried to catch a reaction – any reaction – from his boss-slash-friend. But no such luck so far. “I mean, I guess, I’m just irritated, since, you know… We’re not in school anymore and I thought obligatory chocolate wasn’t a thing in the white-blue-collar-world.”

Never in his life had chit-chat felt this awkward. Surely, when they had been in middle and high school, he had found himself collecting full bags of secret-admirer chocolate from his locker. He hadn’t been the most popular kid – but being one of the more prominent attacking players in the football club did gather some attention at least. He even remembered Koushirou collecting his own fair share of obligatory gifts – probably secret admirers from his computer club days. Neither of them had ever figured out who exactly had gifted them all these little things.

“Apparently, some things never change,” Koushirou said, a glimpse of a smile visible on his face and Taichi felt a lump in his chest. Just like back then, he only had bits and pieces, but this time he really wanted to know where it came from – only to find himself just as clueless as back then. Or rather, he did have a clue – but it didn’t make any sense.

“Yeah…”, Taichi murmured and then abruptly jumped up from the couch, ripping Tentomon out of his slumber.

He should have known that he couldn’t have continued to tip-toe around the issue. Heck, ever since Christmas, things between them were incredibly weird – which, as he knew, was his own fault –, additionally to Koushirou having become a master of giving him the silent treatment. And Taichi hated it. Hated that this was still the state of their bond, even after months of trying to mend it. Thus, today had been just the icing of the cake of Taichi being completely and utterly confused.

“Koushirou, listen”, he finally exclaimed as he approached the younger with a sense of apologetic sincerity. “I understand that you’re still mad at me for what happened and – yeah, I deserve that after everything I did, but you know… I can’t deal with the mixed signals here.”

This time, Koushirou actually turned around – and raised both eyebrows. Obviously, just as confused.

Back on Christmas Eve, when a Digimon had attacked Odaiba, Taichi had decided to act on his own and join Kabuterimon on the frontline – without Agumon by his side, without a functioning Digivice and without consulting Koushirou about it up front. He had acted on sheer instinct alone, wanting to overcome his own helplessness, taking some of the burden off of Koushirou’s shoulders… And yet, despite the successful mission, in a half-drunken state of frustration, they had gotten into a fight.

“What mixed signals?”, Koushirou underlined his confusion once more and the lump in Taichi’s chest grew to twice its size.

“You said I’m seeing all of this here as some type of exposure therapy and… Yeah, maybe it’s part of that, but it’s NOT everything!”

“Taichi-san, what are you talking about?”

Koushirou had been rightfully mad at Taichi – who had applied to work at his company to rebuild himself, to rediscover his strengths and confidence, to maybe, eventually reconnect with Agumon… And with all the bonds he had neglected. Things were still not perfect – but he had considered himself to be on the right track.

If only he could pinpoint where to go with Koushirou.

“I… I chose this place because I wanted to… Understand what I want. What I can do. And because I…”

He breathed in and out deeply. Just a bit more courage…

“I missed you, us. And I needed to figure out what the heck is going on and… What we are.”

Without replying immediately, Koushirou’s brows furrowed even more.

“Right now you seem pretty much out of it”, he said softly, “I believe I’m still missing some context…”

Getting more frustrated with himself – and his inability to get to the point –, but also with Koushirou’s non-descriptive expression, Taichi just bursted out:

“Why did you jump on my lap?!”

“What?!”

Back before they had started to argue, Koushirou had been encouraged by their marketing manager, Hideo Takano-san, to take one or two sips of alcohol to alleviate some of the stress Taichi’s had caused him. It had been Christmas Eve after hours after all… The main issue was that Koushirou didn’t take alcohol very well. In the sheer heat of the moment, he had pushed Taichi onto the couch – with himself on top of him –, confronting him, shouting, screaming…

Taichi wasn’t sure whether he pretended not to remember. He himself certainly hadn’t been able to forget. In fact, it hadn’t left his imagination ever since, leaving him second-guessing and wondering and now… There was a hopeful glimpse that was on the verge of dying again. Killed by Koushirou seemingly not knowing what he had done to him.

“A-and… Why did you gift me chocolate?”, Taichi almost screeched, pointing at an orange little package in his hand. “On Valentine’s Day of all days? This isn’t like you, at all, but, you know, for a moment I was… I was really glad? That you did forgive me and that there was a chance for us to make up and continue like things were or… I don’t know… Be more than that. And I… Didn’t realize how much I wanted that before getting a freaking Valentine’s gift from you.”

Switching glances between the gift in Taichi’s hand and his face, Koushirou just stared at him – and his face had gotten significantly redder the longer the speech went on.

“… I didn’t.”

“… You didn’t… What?”

“The chocolate is not… It’s not from me.”

The lump in Taichi’s chest exploded and nausea filled his entire stomach.

“Huh?! But those are your initials!” Taichi pointed at the corner of the package, the Kanji for Koushirou’s surname and family name were neatly printed onto a little sheet of paper. “And you would never write a handwritten note, this is printed, that is EXACTLY what you would do and…”

Taichi was at a loss for words. And so was Koushirou, who had gotten up from his chair to take a closer look. He eyed it carefully, then turned around to Tentomon, who had gotten closer to them as well.

“Tentomon?”

“It’s not from me, even though it is a lovely idea…”, the Digimon chirped as he flew beside them and Taichi felt like the worst detective under the sun. If only the ground would swallow him whole – or maybe a Digimon should have mercy-killed him after all.

“That’s not what I had in mind. Did you notice anyone or anything weird?”

Tentomon only shook his head.

“Nothing out of the ordinary, but… It is odd. Why would anyone gift Taichi-han chocolate under the pretense it’s you…?”

As both Koushirou and Tentomon were in their own little world theorizing, Taichi’s knees turned all wobbly and he had to sit down at one of the nearby office chairs, burying his head in his hands.

“… Taichi-han? Are you okay?”, Tentomon eventually asked, but Taichi didn’t dare to look up.

“No… I’m an idiot.”

Shiho Kawashima-san had been too nice to prank him like that. Unless there was someone else in the company with the exact same initials as Koushirou and he had been too dumb to realize it. Just as clueless as he had always been and now, he had made a complete fool out of himself for some stupid obligatory chocolate. The first time he had felt ready to be fully honest with Koushirou after all these years, with all the realizations and anticipation… Which turned out to be delusions that weren’t even remotely realistic…

At some point, he sighed deeply, ready to face getting pitied – but then, to his surprise, he found a purple gift bag sliding onto his lap.

“… Huh?”

Koushirou was now hovering over him – and once again, Taichi couldn’t really decipher what the look on his face meant. Another glimpse of a smile, not pitiful, not belittling. Maybe… Bashful?

“THAT is my chocolate”, Koushirou confessed, shortly averting his gaze. “I had considered not giving it to you due to various… Complications, but… It seems to be a rather appropriate moment now.”

Blinking a few times, Taichi let out a loud laugh. How was this man ever so unpredictable to him?!

“See, that’s what I mean, I don’t get your signals!”

Koushirou joined in, chuckling and shaking his head.

“You already told me it wasn’t just therapy to you,” Koushirou elaborated slowly. “And even if it was… Even if I was suspicious at first. I…”

He stopped, for once seemingly at a loss himself – so Tentomon flew by to nudge his shoulder. Taichi still couldn’t stop staring at his figure.

“Koushirou-han…!”

“Genuinely speaking… I’ve missed us too”, Koushirous said after letting out a deep sigh. Perhaps Taichi hadn’t been the only one who couldn’t get the Christmas Eve incident out of his head. Or… Everything else, for that matter.

It made him feel less alone. And, more importantly, less delusional.

“Even if you have to keep shouting at me for doing reckless things?”, Taichi grinned, finally regaining a more relaxed grin that left Koushirou sighing – yet also grinning – once more.

“I seem to possess pretty masochistic tendencies after all.”

With that, Taichi found the energy to stand up again – even if his wobbly legs almost caused him to trip and fall right on Koushirou. How ironic that would have been…

“Woops… Is that why you jumped on my lap?”

“You’ll never let go of that, won’t you?”, the younger rolled his eyes, a faint blush still covering his cheeks, making Taichi laugh again.

“Nope, not a chance.” Playing into the teasy atmosphere, he nodded towards Koushirou. “So… Can I really have this? Like… Can I take it as some kind of… Proposal?”

“Did it come across to you as that?”, Koushirou replied, more hypothetically than anything, treading on a delicate path. Neither of them really seemed to know how to put it into words…

“Whatever you’ve intended to do with that chocolate, really.”

Tentomon was still flying between them exchanging looks – as if overstepping any kind of boundary would change the flow of time. Koushirou was then the first to break the silence, glance steadfast, forward. Determined.

“Let’s call it a trial token then, shall we.”

“A trial token? For what?”

“… For figuring out what exactly we are at this point.”

Suddenly, Taichi didn’t feel like an idiot anymore. With the bag in his hands radiating a warmth he had yearned for way too long.