#kookyburrowing

sexuality headcanon: it's complicated, because I feel that for Sauron, sex and relationships are just so....politicized? Transactional? I don't think he'd really experience romance and/or sex as synonymous with love, since they're just another mode of getting what he wants out of people. With that said, I do think that all machinations aside, he's probably greyromantic, aceflux and gay. But I doubt he'd say that about himself, since I don't imagine him giving it much thought.

otp: I'm willing to ship Sauron with a ton of people in different contexts, but some of my favorites are Sauron/Melkor (I'm a sucker for the "blurring the lines between religious devotion and obsessive love" trope), Sauron/Eönwë (they were definitely boyfriends in Valinor), Sauron/Maedhros or Sauron/Finrod (in an abusive, gaslight-y way), and Sauron/Ar-Pharazôn, which is purely for exploration of character and is definitely not consensual. I'd have to make a whole other post to talk about this in full, but yeah. Anyone is fair game.

brotp: the maia squad--Ilmarë, Eönwë, Melian, and pre-seduction Mai all being crime-fighting friends makes me happy to think about!

notp: Sauron/Thuringwethil is yucky for me, as is Sauron/Lúthien.

first headcanon that pops into my head: he's not naturally (whatever that means for a shapeshifter) very tall, so he likes wearing heels, partly because they make him feel taller and partly because he loves the way they click when he walks. Makes all the prisoners freak out when he's still hallways away. >:)

one way that I relate to this character: I firmly think he's neurodivergent, probably because I'm projecting, but whatever. Also I'm very into aesthetics.

thing that gives me second-hand embarrassment: when he got absolutely trampled by Lúthien after assuming that he was the star of a prophecy he had literally nothing to do with. Also just before Númenor got yeeted into the oceanic abyss and he was just.....purposely getting himself struck by lightning and laughing his head off. like.....buddy. no. It's iconic, but that's not how we cope.

Maureen is woken at three in the morning by her phone ringing loudly by her ear.

She scowls, pushing herself up on her elbows. There are only three people who’s notifications bypass her Do Not Disturb and none of them she wants to deal with before she has had a cup of coffee and mentally prepared herself for the encounter.

She fumbles with the charger before just tugging the phone until it gives. She answers, putting it on speaker.

“Good morning Sauron. You’d better have a very good reason for calling at this time.”

There is a lot of crackling and Maureen hears “no, no - give it here”, a loud thud and then:

“Good morning Maureen, how are you?”

“Melkor. Where’s your partner?”

“Sauron? Oh he’s…he’s here. Would you be able to pick us up? Our car might have…broken down a bit.”

“You know, I don’t need to come to you,” Maureen says even as she sets the phone on her bed and rummages around for something to wear.

“Tetchy,” she catches from someone who she thinks might be Thuringwethil and ignores it.

“But you will?”

She sighs. “Yes. I’ll come. Where are you?”

There is a muffled conversation for a long moment before Melkor replies.

“We’re by a road.”

“Which road?”

“Which road? Sauron?”

The other side of the phone goes back to indistinct chatter until Maureen groans, taking the phone off speaker and holding it against her ear. “Just…pass me onto Sauron who is going to explain exactly what is going on.”

“Hi! Yes…umm…” Sauron trails off a moment to more outraged buzzing. “…I’ve been a little bit stabbed.”

Maureen misses her keys and fumbles her phone. “What?” She says loudly and winces as her voice echoes around the silent entry hall.

“It’s not the worst stab I’ve ever had, it barely grazed me but now I can’t quite drive because Melkor insists that I shouldn’t aggravate the wound and neither he, Gothmog or Thuri are allowed to drive so…”

Maureen sighs again, writing a short note to leave by the door. “I’ll order a tow truck for your car. But where are you exactly?”

Sauron rattles off some scarily precise map coordinates which Maureen sets into her phone.

“Three hours away? Why are you so far?”

There is a scuffle and then Maureen hears Thuringwethil say something about a very good stargazing spot she heard of and they were going to take booze and…