The difference between Comfortable and Complacency.
It was a wet Tuesday afternoon and the lobby was clear but only Mark and Ashelyn occupied it as they worked on videos that they had pre-recorded on laptops that had been provided at the Center. Sometimes there was long periods of silence, then they were discussing different things that came up. But only one subject that arose created a new avenue of conversation between the two of them. They had been talking about relationships, of all things. And the way it had been going, still suprised him. Even long after the conversation had ended.
"You as a healthy man in his prime should not be without the constant feeling of butterflies when thinking about his lady." Ashelyn had giggled.
"Now, I didn't say I don't get them. I still get them from time to time." He ran a hand through his hair, smiling shyly.
"I think that when a couple are together that they should, No matter the circumstance, get the butterflies in their stomach feeling, whenever they see their partner." She smiled wistfully as she clicked on something on her screen.
"No heart skipping a beat?" He asked teasingly. She frowned, a rarity for her, for only a moment. "I think if your heart skips a beat whenever you see your significant other, then you are dating someone who would make me believe that you are in need of a medical help". Mark threw his head back and laughed.
"No. Me and Amy have hit a certain level of our relationship where we're comfortable." He spoke absent-mindedly as he edited his most recent video he recorded. It was an inde horror game that had taken him almost two hours to finish, but he did it. It's footage was simple to sort through. He was so focused on his work that he nearly missed Ashelyn letting out a hum of, what he could only describe, as disappointment. Turning his head to her he asked. "What?" She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes wide. She looked like a child who just got caught doing a bad thing. Or self realizing that she said something out loud.
"I didn't say anything". She said after a second of silence. He smiled.
"True. But your tone sounded like you were disapproving of what I said" He countered.
"Well. Not really. No. It's just.. It's more a matter of... personal opinion." She stated carefully.
"Meaning"? He asked, leaning forward, resting the laptop on his knees.
"Well.. And forgive me if this comes out as a little harsh but... The way you worded it made it sound like.. You're more.." She paused a moment. "Complacent" was the term she settled on. "than comfortable." She added quietly, looking at her fingers that hovered over her keyboard. "And they are two different feelings."
"I've never really thought about it." He said after a moment.
"I don't want you to think that you should have. But, in your subtext, It sounded like the use of the word complacent should have been used rather than the word comfortable."
"Whatâs wrong with that?"Â He asked.
"If you are an ambitious, motivated person like yourself, I'd say.. Well, everything." She shrugged, her miscoloured eyes never straying from him.
"Really? How so?" She turned in her chair to fully look at him. She paused for a minute. He thought she wouldn't really answer. When she took a deep breath, he wasn't prepared for the words that followed.
"If your mind thinks Comfortable is Complacent, you will avoid comfort, especially for someone like yourself."
"Like myself"? He echoed.
"Someone who is goal driven. What you get then is that you will be seeking comfort through reaching goals and realization of the self you want to be, and at the very same time others will run from it because they have mixed up the concepts of comfort and complacency".
"Okay. So what's the difference"? He asked, taking the conversation in stride. A part of him was curious as to how far down the rabbit hole this conversation went.
"Comfort is A condition or feeling of pleasurable ease, well-being, and contentment. You feel grateful for where you are, but you are still working diligently to make improvements. You choose to remain committed to personal growth."
"Complacent is almost the opposite. Contented to a fault; self-satisfied and unconcerned. Not only are you happy with where you are, and you arenât interested in improving. You are pumped up about the changes that you have been able to make so far but, over time, you might even start to think that there isnât much more to learn".
She spoke almost like she was reading from a book. It was a little startling. She was usually chipper and bubbly. Now she sounded like a school professor giving a lecture. In a sense, he supposed, she was.
"The difference is that some hate feeling as though somebody has become so âsatisfiedâ with one another they no longer feel the need to make an effort. Not in the sense of, giving up entirely. Itâs how we grow and learn what we like and what we donât. And for most, the butterfly belly feeling, that neverending feeling of passion. We love that. And live for it. And without it." she tsked." Without it one should wonder just what the hell they are doing in a relationship like that." He was stunned. She had spoken an essay about it. He absorbed everything she said. Thinking it over, he could see where she was coming from. And he agreed with her.
"Well, I can say that I for one am not complacent."
"That's good." She said with a smile. âI for one would rather drown in the depths of Love and passion than splash around in the puddle of complacency.â
"I do try to improve and have even thought about-" He stopped before he could say anything else. It was something he didn't even know he should tell anyone yet. Looking at Ashelyn, who had a look of shock and bliss, even with a hand over her mouth.
"Were you going to say something along the lines of.. Proposing"? She asked. The last word a hushed whisper. He felt like this was a 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' say it kind of moments. He gave a shy nod that had her smiling and clapping her hands together.
"That's fantastic!" Ashelyn was back to being bubbly again.
"Listen, I would appreciate it if you didn't-"
"Don't you worry yourself dear. I won't say nothing. That's all you." She settled back into the chair she saw in with a grin of her own. Mark smiled at his own screen. It true. He had been thinking of proposing. He had been thinking about it for some time. The very thought made his palms start to sweat. It just.. Felt like it was the next logical step to him. Logical and right, aren't always the same thing.
A knock on his door broke him out of a focused state. Turning he called out a 'come in'. Amy poked her head in and gave a shy wave.
"Mark? Can I talk to you for a few minutes?"
At the end of that day he found out two things. 1. He was comfortable. And 2. She had been the one to be complacent.
