Okay, but... but... DEFEND THIS! Colin managed to stay on a horse and not break anything! No spectacular falls, no hints of his klutz tendencies. I feel lied to about his clumsiness. Is my life now a lie? What does it all mean?
Listen closely now, my dear friend, because I am going to BLOW YOUR MIND.
I think... I think we have ALL been lied to about Colin’s clumsiness.
On his OFFICIAL website (which hasn’t been updated since 1837) - Wait. No, it’s not there, actually, but I want to keep that joke. On his OFFICIAL page on his agent’s website, it lists his skills beyond acting, and there’s this:
The guy is “highly skilled” at football, running, and swimming. And he even lists yoga, skiing and horse-riding on there, as well.
Wait, lemme take a minute to laugh over his "highly skilled” running:
I like to think the writers were like, “Well, it would be a damn shame not to have him use that skill...” when they came up with this scene.
Anyway! Back to his clumsiness. And yoga. Wait, no, we weren’t talking about the yoga. Although I do want to talk about the yoga. Imagine Colin doing yoga, and there’s, like, mystical new age music playing, and he’s sedately stating each pose as he does it, sounding a lot like that “And unto them, a child was born” narration in his voice demo. “Downward Facing Dog *angelic choir noise*” I mean, there’s really a LOT we need to explore with this “yoga” thing.
I digress. Again. Back to the clumsiness.
I do think that, in all seriousness, Colin’s not actually that clumsy. I know, I know, this is SCANDALOUS to even SAY in this fandom, but it’s my honest belief. I think the boots they had him wear as Hook (more so in the pirate costume, but also in the modern ensemble) were tough to walk in. The pirate ones had a very long toe that just ASKS to be tripped over - particularly when going up stairs or steps, where the shoe goes out further than one reasonably expects their foot to end. I mean, you go up stairs your whole life, pretty sure of where your foot is and where it ends, and then suddenly there’s a whole extra inch and a half (or even more, let’s be real) on the end there that you’re not used to. Also, those boots (again, particularly the pirate ones) don’t seem to have any treads or traction-providing soles at all.
So yeah... I think he needed a stunt double for walking in those damn boots they gave him, and the frequent slips and trips and stumbles gave the illusion that the man can’t fucking WALK, let alone ride a horse... but I think he can.
HOWEVER, that said, Colin O’Donoghue should be made fun of often and with much aplomb for countless things, because it is the only way we can keep that menace in check and prevent him from destroying us all with his-
Yes, that. That right there. If left unchecked, Colin will destroy ALL of us with his saucy winks and eyebrow wiggles and grins and smooches and... We cannot allow that. So in order to SAVE THE WORLD from this man, we must conflate his tripping in dodgy boots with an overall inability to walk like a normal person, and thus his clumsiness is born.
So! Long story short... THAT WAS ALREADY HIS THIRD HELMET.
