#kl7

You’re brave

You’re such a cutie and a beauty

You can do anything you put your mind to

You can be anyone you wanna be

where amongst other things, I got kirill back because we hooked up

making tea and it keeps getting cold

reminds me of how kirly would always get his tea and it would get cold

as i get older i miss all these little things about i don't know if i'll ever not have love for him

like it's crazy to feel like i'm turning into him and he had just figured out how to self soothe and comfort himself and rest and i slowly realize that all the things he did were actually such a blessing to do but i didnt see the value of it at the time like its sleepy time lights for when we're flossing etc

it’s so strange to feel like my brain keeps pushing me towards kirill

in my dream we were in a group and someone made me cry because of something they said about him

she said i was focused on other things and i had worries about dating

i think it's because i was worried that whatever i'm looking for isn't out there

and you know what, i think i would have a great time if i could just convince myself that whatever it is i want is out there

but i don't know what i want outside of what i had and it makes it really difficult, i feel like i talk myself in circles

i continue to focus on my friends and keeping them close to me (me going to adda on friday) instead of just going on a date

high risk high reward

i had this dream where kirill and justin were teasing me because i haven't been with anyone good in the last three years and i remember even tho we weren't together i felt loved and adored

i can't tell if it was because i was young then, but i still have that energy somewhere inside of me and i want to be adored that's all i ever wanted

and you know what i see it with jay and tommy i want someone to be enamored with me and i with them and for that to last a long time

sometimes i think if things would've changed if i stuck around for longer than the horrible year that kirill and i had together i wonder what would've happened

i miss being intellectually stimulated by someone and just having a partner to go thru life with but also making sure i don't rely on them so much that i'm shattered when they leave