#kitae.txt

“And honestly, being a leader was scary at first.” Eli retells, focusing his attention on Kyungchul. “But I really relied on my members. They got me through.” “I was the leader of HBHNG. It’s a great honor to be a predebut leader.” Nia said with a comforting smile. The rest of his seniors looked at him with proud expressions, like he had just told them that he got into an Ivy League. Kyungchul blinked a few times.

“Wait... what?” Kyungchul asked, his own words sounding muddled. “Never mind, you’ll see.” Jimin shook her head, a knowing smile still on her lips. The looks he was getting from his seniors were starting to freak him out a little. Kyungchul managed a small smile back and stood up.  “Uh cool. Hey, I’ll see you guys later. I’m gonna go find my friends.” He said hastily, bowing to them individually before setting off.

It was hard walking through the dimly lit event hall stoned, but he managed to locate the one person he wanted to chew out.

Rushi was grinding in between Longwei and Haeun on the dance floor, totally unashamed. When the Chinese trainee spotted Kyungchul, she motioned him over with a bright smile on her face. “Feeling good yet?” She asked over the sound of the music. Kyungchul nodded his head at first, but then he shook it side to side. “How many milligrams was that edible?” He asked.  “Uh... I don’t know,” Rushi looked over her shoulder at Longwei, exchanging a confused look with him. “Maybe like, fifteen milligrams?” “Fif-” Kyungchul covered his face with one hand, unsure whether to laugh or cry. His body seemed to agree with laughing, and soon he was gasping for air, laughing his ass off like it was the funniest thing he’s ever heard. The other three started laughing too.

During their laughing fit, Haeun grabbed Kyungchul by his shirt, pulling him towards her. Now the four of them were dancing practically on top of one another, laughing and having fun. Kyungchul felt whatever confusion and discomfort he experienced earlier melt away. He was having such a good time with him and his friends. He didn’t want the feeling to stop. 

A few songs later, the music suddenly cut and the sound of feedback filled the room. The four trainees separated, their hands over their ears. Hak Bonghwa tapped the mic again.

“Hello! Welcome to the tenth annual HBH New Years Eve party!” Hak Bonghwa said. Everyone around them clapped, so the stoned trainees clapped along too.

“It’s amazing how only a decade ago, our company was made up of only seven male trainees and five staff members. Now, at the end of the decade, we are boasting three of the most successful groups in the industry, and have the most well-known trainee project in the country!” Hak Bonghwa stated confidently. The room around them exploded in cheers. Not too far off, Kyungchul saw Jiah, Sanghoon, Kitae and Kijung chanting and bumping their fists “HBHT20! HBHT20!” 

“Yes, yes. This past month, the trainees who have made the cut for HBHT20 have been announced. Fans around the world are anticipating the arrival of our company’s future! However, we still have to elect a leader for the new era of HBH. The one who will lead the future of this company to greater heights. And I think we all have someone in mind that will do this job flawlessly.” Hak Bonghwa stated. 

Something in Kyungchul’s stoned brain clicked together. He recalled the conversation he had with his seniors earlier that night. They kept talking about leadership...

“Oh fuck.” Kyungchul said under his breath.

“Lee Kyungchul,” Hak Bonghwa called out, a smile on his face. “Please come over here.” 

Rushi shoved Kyungchul forward, silent roars of laughter shaking her body. Of course she thought this was funny, but Kyungchul was downright terrified. How was he going to face his boss and the whole company being as fucked up as he was right now? 

Somehow, Kyungchul made it to the front of the room, taking his spot next to Hak Bonghwa.

“Lee Kyungchul, ever since you started training at this company in 2016, you have shown nothing but dedication and excellence.” Hak Bonghwa complimented. “In the practice room, you are a friend, a teacher, and also a fierce competitor. You have participated in Produce X 101 to prove to the world that you are a force to be reckoned with. You have brought honor to this company, and myself and the staff members of HBH all agree that you will be the future face of this company.”  Hak Bonghwa paused for the applause to pass over. Kyungchul hoped he didn’t look as near to passing out as he felt. If he did, Bonghwa didn’t acknowledge it.

“If you so do accept, it would be an honor to have you lead the next installment of HBH Trainees.” Hak Bonghwa posed. The whole crowd in front of them seemed to be holding his breath. “Uh...” Kyungchul took the mic from the founder’s hands clumsily, looking out into the sea of familiar faces. His brain was about ten minutes behind everyone else’s. He paused to try to form the right words. He swallowed hard before speaking into the microphone. “Let’s get it.” 

“Lets get it!” The trainees in the crowd echoed back with glee. The rest of the audience clapped and hollered a few straggled ‘let’s get it’s. Hak Bonghwa clapped with pride, a happy smile on his face. 

As Hoyong padded out into the hallway, he passed Longwei coming back from the kitchen with a plate of breakfast food. The Chinese trainee gave Hoyong a mischievous grin once he saw the dark circles under Hoyong’s eyes.  “Oh, Hoyong. You’ve finally become a man, I see.” Longwei teased.  “Shush, hyung.” Hoyong frowned, rubbing his temples. “Taehyung managed to make hangover eggs without burning the kitchen down. I suggest you grab some before the twins eat it all.” Longwei informed the younger before dipping into his room. When Longwei’s door opened, Hoyong swore he heard a female voice. Before he could hear more, Longwei closed the door behind him. 

In the kitchen, Kijung and Kitae were sitting at the kitchen island, digging into some eggs. Taehyung leaned against the fridge, sipping on a Gatorade. “Good morning, Hoyong.” Taehyung smiled knowingly. “Eggs on the stove, Gatorade in the fridge, and Tylenol in the cabinet.”  “Thank you, hyung. You’re a godsend.” Hoyong said thankfully, grabbing himself a plate of food and sitting down next to the twins.

“Your first hangover, hyung?” Kijung asked, squirting some sriracha on his eggs. Hoyong arched an eyebrow at Kijung.  “Have you ever been hungover?” Hoyong asked the younger boy in surprise. Kijung narrowed his eyes, giving an offended scoff. “Of course I have.” The eldest twin said defensively.  Kitae rolled his eyes. “Shut up, Kijung. This was your second time drinking.”  “Yeah, with you.” Kijung snipped at his brother. “You don’t know what I do on the weekends.”  “Uh... Daydream about Bian?” Kitae suggested sarcastically. The twins launched into a bickering conversation. Hoyong would have made them stop arguing, but he wasn’t in the mood to play peace maker. 

Thankfully, he didn’t have to. “Twins, please. Mind the volume or take it into another room.” Saito stretched, walking into the kitchen. Saito grabbed a plate and helped himself to some eggs, thanking Taehyung through a mouthful of food.

The twins, who looked up to Saito greatly, ceased their bickering. Saito ruffled Hoyong’s hair in a brotherly way as he sat next to him on a stool, digging into the breakfast. The five trainees changed the subject to what each person remembers from the night before, which everyone concluded wasn’t much. Their laughter and conversation died when something caught their attention in their peripheral vision. 

Standing in the hallway with her hair messy and her makeup smudged around her eyes was Jiah. Hoyong realized that the sweatshirt she was wearing over her outfit from last night belonged to Longwei. She gave a silent head nod in a form of greeting before making the walk of shame to the door.

When the door closed behind her, Saito shook his head in amusement. “And so it starts.” “What do you mean, hyung?” Hoyong asked curiously. Saito swallowed his bite before continuing. “Every year, trainees always end up hooking up with each other. It’s become normalized, but it can also get in the way of what matters, you feel?”  The five trainees nodded silently.  “Just... Don’t catch super strong feelings towards fellow trainees, okay boys? It ruins everything when people get too invested in their love life and not training.” Saito advised. He gave Kijung a wink. “That means try not to think about Bian too much. At least, not until you debut.” 

Now that she was going to perform in a group of just 4 people, she knew that she would be more subjective to criticism. She couldn’t hide in the back anymore. People were going to see her and instantly see her as an outsider. They would judge her first on her nationality, second on any mistake she made, and last on her individualism.

“Hey,” A hand wrapped around Suwei’s. She looked up to see Kotori looking down on the shorter girl with a curious expression. “You’re not getting nervous on me now, are you?”  In front of them, Kitae and Kijung turned around, concerned looks etched into their identical faces.  “Susu, it’s just rehearsal, nothing big to worry about. Make all the mistakes you need to make now.” Kitae smiled, falling back so he could walk on the other side of Kotori.  Suwei smiled at the floor, trying to stomach her nerves. “I’m not exactly worried about making mistakes.” She voiced. “I’m more worried about the audiences’ judgement.”  Kijung huffed, falling in line next to Suwei. “What is there to dislike about you, though?” “I can name a few things people might be a little prejudice about...” Suwei chuckled nervously. Kotori laced her arm through Suwei’s. Being a foreigner herself, she understood the pressure of trying to appeal to an audience that may already have a biased opinion on you.

Kotori locked eyes with her friend, a small smile on her lips. “Suwei, you’re gonna be just fine. Now c’mon, we need to hurry to the stage.” 

Rehearsal was going great until it was Suwei’s solo. She thought she was doing pretty decent, given her nerves, but all her confidence faded when the vocal instructor asked for the music to stop. The four trainees stopped dancing while their vocal coach stood up from her seat in the audience. 

“Suwei, your pronunciation is really muddled.” The vocal coach said in a gentle tone. “Your vocals are fine, but it’s hard to understand your Korean... How about we try your last part again?”  Suwei nodded, swallowing hard. She shook her hands out, glancing over at her group mates. Kitae gave her a thumbs up and a fist pump, a silent ‘fighting’. 

The music started up again, and Suwei tried her part one more time. She got through the verse, but her coach’s face was pursed in a displeased expression. When the song ended, the vocal coach stood again.  “Suwei, maybe you should devote the rest of the day to working on your pronunciation. It’s a little too noticeable.” The vocal coach advised. For some reason Suwei took this comment a little closer to heart than she would have normally. By “too noticeable”, her vocal coach meant it was “too noticeable” that she didn’t belong, right? 

Once she got off stage, Suwei couldn’t help her throat constricting and hot tears from rolling down her cheeks. She tried to brush them off as they made their way back down the hallway towards the dressing rooms, but Kitae was quick to notice that something was wrong with his friend.

“Hey, are you crying?” He asked, slowing down his pace. In front of them, Kijung and Kotori turned around quickly, their eyes wide. Suwei shook her head, ducking it downward so no one could see, but her breathing was getting harder and faster. She felt like her chest was closing in on itself, squeezing tightly.  “Hey, Susu,” Kijung walked over to their smaller friend, wrapping an arm around her. “No need to cry. Everyone makes mistakes.”  “It’s - it’s - it’s not that I made a m-mistake,” Suwei said through shakes. “I f-feel like I-I am the mistake.” How can you say that?” Kijung asked, sounding as hurt as if Suwei was the one that offended him. She didn’t mean to make him upset. Now he was probably mad at her. God, she was such a burden. Her breathing started getting a little bit more labored.  “Suwei, you’re not a mistake.” Kotori said soothingly, patting the top of the short girl’s head. “I know how you feel, trust me. Knets used to say awful things about me and my nationality online when I was in ECHO. But the important thing to remember is this,” 

Kotori squatted down so she was eye-level with her friend, her hands scooping under Suwei’s wet cheeks and making eye contact with her.  “You’re making history. Right here, right now. Just by being a trainee under HBH is a huge accomplishment! Ura unnie was the first Taiwanese trainee, but she made it through! You’re going to be just fine, okay?” “I-I don’t want to l-let anyone down.” Suwei admitted, wrapping her own arms around herself protectively.  “And you wont,” Kitae placed a hand on her shoulder. “You’re so talented and loved, Suwei.” Suwei shook her head, the kind words not registering in her brain. She was too preoccupied mentally. Around them in the hallway, trainees were moving along, trying to get ready for their own rehearsal.  “Hey, guys, back up just a bit, okay?” Kijung requested. Kotori stood to her full height, giving Suwei some space. Kitae released his hand on her shoulder. Kijung tilted his head down to make some eye contact with Suwei.  “Hey, Susu, the four of us should get back to the dressing room.” He said gently. “While we walk there, take deep breaths. When we get to the room, we’ll drink some water and have a snack. Sound good?” Suwei nodded. Kijung lead the way back to the dressing room. She realized that Kitae fell behind her while Kotori walked on the side of Suwei that was closest to the foot traffic. She took a deep breath, realizing that they were trying their best to make her feel safe and protected.