2017 is the year I’m gonna pull myself together and do the things I always wanted to do. I’m going to apply to go back to school this year, whether I get into a semester this year or next would depend on my options. Earlier the better.
I’m going to figure out a schedule and work on my book (I got really excited talking about it to Serein who was so kind and sweet and let me ramble and all the compliments thank you so much honey <3). I want to, I really want to, finish it this year. If I don’t, but I make at least more than 30,000 word progress, I’ll take it, but the goal is to complete this first one. And then edit it, and reformat it. Try to find a publisher, but if I can’t find one I like I’ll probably self-publish it. Fuck, maybe I’ll be one of those laptop folk at Starbucks or something if it helps my focus. “the chick with the computer is back at it again with her corner.”
If I get into school sooner than later, I’m probably going to do the boobs to the wall “I’m getting a 4 year degree in 2″ because it’s possible there. When I have it I’ll consider my options with it, ideally I’d like to work in the gaming industry as a creative writer, but I’d be just as happy to work for a teaching license and teach Creative Writing, or anything else. I... regret being unable to stay in the schools in the past because of my mental health. I know if I stayed, though, it would’ve been more destructive for me than productive, I just wish I... I didn’t have breakdowns and the level of depression I did (I was told I should drop out by a couple on campus counselors and therapists, and that if I didn’t, they were considering that I should stay in the on campus hospital until I could stabilize myself. That’s really why I dropped out, the suggestion actually really scared me).
And if I go back to this particular school, I’ll have an on campus apartment. Which will probably be helpful to have my own space, to make my own meals (Ok Ok I’m not a good cook, my last thing caught on fire, but it makes good practice and anything is better than the shit I ate at UCD’s “cafeteria.” Part of my renewed cooking motivation may or may not be because I’d love to actually be able to cook dinner and stuff if Serein was able to come over at some point, and actually be proud of it and not like “It’s kinda black I can like, buy pizza ._.;;;;”)
This is a personal blog post, so I am going to say Serein is a massive source of motivation, support and confidence. I feel like this is completely within reach for me to accomplish because of the help, support and everything she gives me. And I also want to help her anyway I can and I think that this would be a great place to start (and it’d help me a lot, but... I never had motivation to do things just for me). I really want to continue just like, saying how amazing she’s been and how amazing I feel and everything but I’d need like another entire post for that. It’s just been incredible, for lack of any better word.
I just hope all the shit I wished on over the years decides to smile upon me because I’m gonna need all the luck I can get. (Well I mean, at least one wish kinda actually worked so here’s hoping).
