#kingdom.solo

inyoung-ssi was straight to the point and seemed like a no-nonsense woman. she’s sure that if they were allowed to talk about it, her name was probably infamous amongst trc trainees for being a singing coach. she wasn’t sure how old inyoung was (and she certainly wasn’t going to ask) but global icon’s eunji wasn’t the most polished singer, she was still talented. was inyoung around to give the okay for that? because a few people would argue her judgement then.

they’re dismissed before sohee could find herself more intimidated by the woman than need be. ultimately the other was fine with going over her lines on her own. though when going over it with an instructor, she found that she had been singing just off the key set for the song itself. (thank god it was caught then or else that would have been a disaster when singing in front of inyoung). she’s fine with the lines she’s gotten to practise. she knows she won’t get all of them - especially not when they’re practically the exact same lines vanessa is potentially getting as well. the thought of competing with vanessa again scare her. although that’s to be expected as both of them being main vocalists of the group.

the real issue she had were the “adlibs”. not that they were hard to perform. the vocalisations were always easy. it was just trying to find a rhythm to the song in order for her to sing properly against it. when you hear “adlib”, people usually think of impressive high notes and great, stable vocal runs. the ones sohee needed to be doing weren’t anything to run home about. just the average vocalisations at the end of any song. sohee had spent part of the month thinking it was one of those impressive adlibs at the end. turned out she was wrong (and was really off compared to the song).

there was something a lot harder with getting used to a song that she’s never heard before. unlike covering a song, she has to work with coaches to find the right sound. this song will eventually have her voice in it. so if she couldn’t find the right tempo then the song won’t exist. (or more realistically will exist just without her lines.) it wasn’t like she had much beyond the guide track to help her. besides they didn’t always end up sounding the same as the guide track in the end.

the experience was kind of nerve wracking. she felt a little unprepared but with the help of the guide track, sohee nipped her bad habits with the song and tried to follow closer to how they wanted the song to end up playing out. she always had to remind herself to bring back the power in her vocals because this song was not meant to have that kind of sound. it only sounds out of place if she tries (and it actually comes off as sounding like she’s trying too hard when she really isn’t). so practise and practise she had to do to ensure that she wasn’t singing in the end in a way where it sounded disjointed.

the worst part? when they were brought in front of inyoung herself. sohee was scared that this was meant something bad. when inyoung instructed they would be singing in front of her, she knew it was so much worse. she was nervous, then worried that it would impact how she sounds singing live to inyoung but considering she wasn’t the one to start the song (yubin was) it gave sohee a chance to see how things would go. inyoung did nothing more than write in her pad. if she wanted to hear something again she’d say so curtly and quickly. you were expected to start over immediately. sohee knew this would fluster her a bit but she had to steel herself.

the other thing that made her feel weird was knowing that she and vanessa would be singing the same lines. so inyoung would be, quite literally, comparing their voices right then and there. the thought made her voice waver a bit when she sang her third section of the song, which was the chorus. she immediately anticipated it when inyoung said “again!” because she had caught her own mistake. so she started from the beginning of the chorus, focusing to remain stable and not think about the literal competition against her friend (and roommate).

sohee grew a bit fidgety towards the end, unable to sit still and see how she would divide the parts. 7 members is a larger group (though not as big as convex, obviously). splitting a song 7 ways, knowing it’s most likely not going to be even means there’s a high chance that at least one or two members would get a lot less lines than everyone else. that was just the fact of it. sohee wasn’t greedy but she would feel bummed out if for their debut song she was singing a lot less when her position is main vocalist.

she didn’t want to allow herself to get too comfortable and feel as though she’s doing well when she actually wasn’t. she was nervous enough going into their group dance. which honestly was a lot simpler than what they have had previous but there was one move sohee kept getting stuck on....

anyways.

she does her stretches daily. they don’t have as much time as they usually would thanks to the samsung concert but sohee couldn’t let that handicap get to her. she was healthy this month. though she felt like giving up she was still going to try her damnedest. every time she though negatively she tried to combat it with another run through her performance. she didn’t want to think about what would happen if by next evaluation she hears she’s not in the final lineup for trc/g.

( all these years wasted. these last few months with high hopes to be told that she still wasn’t good enough. that she would be approaching her fourth year in the company, still a trainee, because she hasn’t improved in her dancing skill to them. the thought kills her and weighs her heart down. it makes it harder to smile, harder to sleep. she wants this. she wants this badly. but she doesn’t know any other way to show her desperation to do well other than to just practise. maybe skip a meal or two and just practise. forgot to go home on time and practise. come in maybe even earlier because she could sleep and just practise practise practise. )

for the first time in what seems to be ages, yujin finds herself at the foot of her bed praying. praying for some help, praying for them to open their eyes and see that she’s trying, or maybe even to make her a decent enough dancer (to them) at least for this one time. she’s praying in forgiveness that this is her first time praying in over a year and it’s over something so selfish. she’s praying for hope. for aid. for talent. for any bone he willing to throw her way.

she ends the prayer with tears in her eyes.

yujin wants this so damn bad. she knows that wanting it isn’t enough. it is never enough. this isn’t some movie where she’s the protagonist and her opposing force suddenly realises “hey kid you got spunk and heart, i’ll let ya slide!” this was her life. she left modelling for this. she broke off contact with her mother, possibly for good, to be here right now. she may have gotten a leg up in the fashion world because of being her mother’s daughter but here she started on the ground like everyone else. she was fighting to come out on top.

she needed to come out on top.

on the day of her performance she’s eerily calm. perhaps it’s a strange form of acceptance. whatever they decide she will take with dignity. she will hold the tears in until they can’t see. she will accept their decision.

she keeps telling herself this but chances are that she’ll break down on the spot if they tell her she’s not debuting.

yujin stands, shyly in her one piece that’s just a little too bold for her. she takes comfort that it’s her favourite colour but beyond that she feels exposed. she keeps her eyes trained on her toes in front of her until the music begins. when she lifts her head she is no longer shy or meek. she isn’t scared of losing her opportunity in debuting. in the instant she starts to dance, choi yujin is shut off and only sohee exists. sohee the performer, sohee the model, sohee who can do whatever she sets her mind to.

she takes comfort in the more confident, daring and sexy persona. it let’s her feel free while she dances in such a thin bodysuit that (she feels) leaves little to the imagination. it was to accentuate her long legs and smooth thighs. to show the point of the toe while she dances and the way she’s light on her feet. the way she deliberately lets hair fall on her face for the sake of being able to brush it back with the bite of her lip if only to make herself look more enticing.

she even took her lessons with youngjae and yubin seriously. she didn’t want to falter on her first big live performance. this was going to have a crowd and be recorded. there was no way she was going into it half assed. a part of her even considered asking hayoon to review her dancing tapes just so she’d have that bit of ass kicking to force herself to do better but she held off.

hip hop wasn’t her strong suit. she knew that but she wanted to prevail and really pull a leg up for this performance. she really hopes that her efforts will shine through. she really overworked herself to the point where when she got home she was immediately knocking out on her bed. this usually left her with a dead phone in the morning and no choice but to shower at trc rather than at home. but she wanted to show that she was taking this seriously because she was. she knows she isn’t the super-mega-amazing dancer that wows everyone from the moment she gets on stage. that’s her handicap. she’s working on it.

it didn’t help that they still had normal trc/g evaluations on top of it. it strung sohee out. maybe her performance for the evaluation would suffer in favour of her working for the jeju performance. to be honest, though, she cared about the jeju performance a bit more.

she just hoped her hard work would shine through.

being on stage was nerve-wracking. no amount of practise could ready her for the weight of being on stage. the stress of not messing up no matter what, following the moves and not zoning out and messing up. it was almost crushing. the pressure to do well was something she’s lived her whole life with. she was determined not to mess up.

she was only centre for the very end and for her own solo piece she gets for a few seconds. other than that, sohee isn’t really commanding attention on stage purely because she knows she isn’t a natural born hip hop dancer. she shouldn’t be attracting attention in any way. she goes over the counts in her head, forcing herself to hear that over the music that seems so deafening.

as long as she follows the music count she should be fine.

she keeps telling herself this throughout the entire performance. stay on time. stay on count. don’t go too fast. don’t slip up. at the same time she has to remember not to focus on it too much lest she look a little angry while dancing and that’s not the image she wants to put out for herself. this was her first stage performance that felt real. she didn’t want to mess this up.

this was her last ditch effort to show that she really was as good enough a dancer as she needed to be. she wanted to prove that she did do much better since the first time she stepped inside trc’s halls. even if they didn’t want to accept it, she knew it to be true. she was never so great at dancing until she became a trainee. before she could dance at parties sure but she couldn’t call herself a dancer. she wasn’t in league with the top dancers of the industry but she felt like she was above average at the very least.

two months of bad evaluations left her frustrated. she wanted to rewind it back to when she was praised for her efforts. she hadn’t done anything different since the first month - in fact, she’s started to work even harder since then - so why are they drilling her so hard? she had nothing but questions. their evaluations were nothing specific. just “your dancing is bad” okay fine but what aspect of her dancing was? it couldn’t be her stage presence! sohee was the queen of facials and she spends time in the mirror doing expressions to key points in choreography for that purpose. was it her timing? her footwork? her motions? her ability to look clean? was it looking out of sync with the rest of the girls? the lack of specifics were driving her insane and only left her to perfecting every aspect of her performance instead. that was her only choice.

this was her last month doing a performance so heavily dance oriented on top of group dance performances they’d have to complete. she tended to practise hard on the choreographies anyways because she knew she was lacking in that category compared to the best of the group so she tried to make up for it in any which way she could. she didn’t need more dance heavy performances on top of it.

it wasn’t until around december 13th or 14th that she really got over her sickness. her grandmother had given her many soups and even came over to drop a humidifier that did wonders. she felt better but she wasn’t fully healed until a day or two later. which gave her very limited time to fully practise her performances. though it was at least ten full days to practise at tip top shape, she felt pressured to catch up after her week long handicap.

the first few days following her sickness she was wary about overworking herself. after the last bit of phlegm exited her system, she went full force. she stayed late, she sang at home and at training. anything to make up for lost time. she kept hydrated (the watchful eyes of all the trc girls let her know that she couldn’t slack off on her health just yet).

at the end of the day, the sickness wasn’t that detrimental to her performances. though the month she usually has to prepare is nice, it isn’t technically necessary if she’s training every single day and night. especially when it’s with 7 other girls who made sure she didn’t fall too far behind with group performances anyways.

with rollercoaster it was a bit fun to learn. it was a popular solo song that had a lot more emphasis in dancing that you would see in most solo artists. it was also upbeat and fun. the choreography was fresh and because it kept her moving, it made sohee feel like she was even healthier after she bounced back and was able to get through the choreography without feeling too winded.

to show that she truly bounced back, she wore tights and a cropped shirt for her solo performance to show off how healthy she looked — and to match the fresh summer-feel of the song. this song was really easy to perform with facials. the amount of motions in the song made it detrimental to hit them timely and cleanly. the switch up in speed in the choreography was fun to play with too: it’ll be fast motions for half an eight count and then slowing it down for the remainder. or switching it up at the end of the count.