#kindless

 it  was  foreign  to  her,  this  feeling  of  pride for  someone  other  than  herself.  it  was  strange  and  left  a  taste  in  her  mouth  she  wasn’t  sure  was  good  or  bad.  but  nonetheless,  it  was  there.  everyday  felt  like  a  new  experience  with  sami.  everyday,  she  was  learning  something  new  about  either  herself  or  him.  paige  never  thought  she’d  have  the  ability  to  even  let  someone  past  the  walls  she’d  built  for  herself,  never  would  have  thought  it  would  be  sami  brave  enough  to  climb  them.  she  wouldn’t  say  that  they  have  been  knocked  down,  she  still  had  her  reservations  and  attitude  mostly unchanged  to  the  rest  of  the  general  public. he  definitely  found  his  way  over  them. 

 the  swelling  feeling  beneath  her  rib  cage  when  his  hand  had  been  raised  as  the  victor  was  undeniable.  the  tweaking  of  her  lips  into  a  small  that  would  have  been  undetectable  to  most,  was  on  display  for  him  as  she  found  him  on  his  way  back  to  the  locker  room.  her  smile  was  reserved  for  sami,  and  sami  alone. 

The whole week had been beyond stressful, seemed neverending when all the pressure piled on top of her and she was delivering less than savoury news to athletes who didn’t want to hear it. Peace and quiet was sorely lacking, everyone needed their once over during or after an event and it was her responsibility to make sure they were good to go.

5:37pm was when she finally managed to grab a moment alone. Dinner was just around the corner and none of them were in the habit of sharing company with any of the medical staff when they had stomach’s to fill. Ella had just started to busy herself with tidying up the room when the door had sounded. It was a quiet knock, not meant to scare her. She waited a couple of short moments and then the knock sounded once more, whoever it was didn’t want everyone to know that they were visiting.

Pulling her hair out of the ponytail she had it in, she made her way to the door and opened it. She was greeted with a pair of hands holding large cups of coffee, a wide smile crept up her face before she could stop it. Seeing Sami had slowly become something she had expected. The first time it was a ‘sprained ankle’, next it was a ‘sore elbow’, with each following ailment more ridiculous than the previous.

How much longer could Becky pick at her nails? Find the dead ends of her hair and split them? Focus her attention at a speck on the ground that would refuse to budge? Minutes, hours... Probably days if she wanted. Distractions weren’t coming like she hoped that they would have. Phone checked over and over, both hoping for there to be an unopened message and nothing at all. This was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous. 

Staring at her phone for… longer than what she’d like to have admitted, Becky pulled up his contact number. Stared at the last set of messages. You should come. Becky’s throat grew dry, her hands sweaty. Memories of that night flooded through every inch of her, seeped down through her pores to her bloodstream to… — Get it together, Becky.

contact: sami zayn.

[ sms, delivered ]:   hey! [ sms, delivered ]:   i missed you today [ sms, delivered ]:   like missed you backstage not miss you miss you 

She wanted to slam her phone into the concrete floor, hope that it created a crater big enough that the world would open up and swallow her whole. 

[ sms, delivered ]:   you eaten yet?

winning was supposed to feel good.  that was how he’d remembered it feeling, anyway, back when the audience of thousands had merely been a small hundred.  nxt’s stomping grounds that, while small, offered the closest to a fair chance as anyone could get these days.  back then, winning felt like the opposite of whatever this new emptiness in the pit of his stomach was.  what spoke of a hunger that reached beyond the literal sense of the word and made worse the aches in his body.  old injuries, treated and retreated, that always found their way back to him — nagged at his shoulders until the threat of more months on the bench encouraged a coin toss between a doctor’s visit and a hot shower.

but before sami’d even breezed over the decision, paige’s voice broke across the silence.  a quiet he’d craved, after that fight, but was happy to let go of in favour of her company.  even if she didn’t plan on staying long.

he nodded, a budding smile arriving to help soften otherwise tired features.   “ uh, yeah.  think so.  unless they’ve got an ambush planned. ”   history ought to’ve taught him not to joke about things like that with the current management.  corrupt to their core, they’d built their entire enterprise on making fools of select employees.  and if he didn’t fit the bill for that..   “ i was gonna grab a shower.  head off afterwards.  why?  you looking for company? ”

Something inside of her ached at how easy this was. That the air that lingered around them seemed to be easier to breathe in. That she could still remember how every flicker of colour in his eyes changed depending on the light. Ached at how easy it was to fall back into old habits with him. Paige had gotten so used to the ache and emptiness within her chest that it had soon become her new normal, accepted the pain she thought that she deserved. No, that she did deserve. That pain had become so normal until now, until he was here and for a moment it felt like nothing had changed. It was all too easy.

Her laugh echoed between them as he mentioned the threat of an ambush, knowing he had been on the receiving end of a few of those, and her being the hand to deliver them. Both to him and others. Too many others. “I mean you can never put it past ‘em.” Her laugh, however, was hollow. Bordered on awkward as the memories of betrayals now lay before them, she always had a nasty habit of digging her own grave deeper and deeper.

𝙸𝚏 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚗𝚘𝚠 , sand still clinging to her skin from her prior walk along the coastline, hair damp from the salty spray and her ivory skin just the lightest shade of sunkissed tan - she’d laugh. Call her a mockery of everything she was born to stand for and then some. It’s not as though Paige had forgotten who she was, what she’d done. The scars were more than superficial, and there was always going to be something, or someone, there to remind her of it. It had just so happened that this particular time, it had been a someone. 

Someone that she was hoping had burned or perished or been disposed of otherwise, had reared her ugly head not a day before. Strolled across their threshold as though she’d done it a million times, delivered to her a warning not just of her own demise, but of the kingdom she’d grown to love so dear. Paige knew that when push came to shove, her old roots could resurface without an inch of hesitation, but there was too much here to lose to risk it. Too much here that she loved. 

He always knew when something was wrong. Always. Perhaps that was the reason why things had always worked out between them, her errors and shortcomings were not swept under a rug, they were spoken on his lips and begged for discussion. This had, unfortunately, been no different. Paige had played the distraction and diversion game all night and morning, she was sure Sami had let her, too. A breakfast on the promenade, a walk along the shoreline, thanking the Samaritans as they offered them their hands. But her efforts could only last so long, she knew that painfully so.