#kindashitty

I’m in a rough spot, what-few-readers-I-have.

It’s bad when you feel more at ease and at peace pretending to be someone you’re not while at work, then you feel at home. Retail-me is chipper and pleasant. Hanging-out-with-friends-me is clever and fun. At-home-me is depressed and forlorn.

It’s also probably bad when you stop wanting to confide in your close friends ‘cause you feel like you’ve tapped them out; you feel like they probably don’t wanna hear the same complaints about the same things that you just can’t seem to get to stop nagging at you, or eating away at you.

I know I have at least one reader who knows me personally, and to them I would like to say, before (I assume) you say I should seek help: I’m planning on it. Soon. I think. Maybe. I’m still talking myself into it, I also need to wait for my insurance.

I... just don’t like how I feel right now. I don’t like the fact that I... sigh... feel how I do about... 

Strangers:

Sometimes when I'm walking down the street I start talking to the people that I meet I always find a way to greet these people always a different way to find out how they feel it impacts the way That I ask the question the only question that matters anymore

what have you done to make another person smile everything matters when you go the extra mile I don't care what they really say as long as they've done something to make another's day and also as long as they know that they matter and their mental state doesn't shatter then it's OK

but when they say the scarce answer "no I'm looking out for me I don't care about others emotionally" then I black out get enraged and I go off I feel like those people should be caged and closed off I start shouting so loud sounds like a guns gone off and I kind of want to rip their fucking head right off

Strangers are perplexing and yet interesting they can build you up and cut you down strangers are infecting and very testing or they can make you feel so down