#kimmers

There are feathers floating in the air (because Frank might have torn his pillow in frustration, slightly) and the place looks like it was hit by a whirlwind of angry centaurs. Books are littering the floor and Arthur’s bed has been thrown halfway across the room (with the mattress on the other side of the room). Standing in the middle of this chaos is Frank Longbottom — pleasant, jovial, dry-wit Frank Longbottom — looking like he was about ten seconds from committing outright murder.

There’s movement in the doorway and four boys peer round the corner, eyes widening slightly as they take in the disarray. Sirius Black lets out a low whistle, and Frank’s head snaps round like it was broken, sending the Marauders recoiling back.

"All right, Frankie?" James asks, in a remarkable pretense of bravery.

It was a clear mistake.

“You.” Frank takes a step forward, and the Marauders take a hasty step back, pressing up against the cold stone wall of the staircase. “You have ten seconds to bring them back -“

"Bring what back?” Remus asks, bewildered, but the other three violently shake their heads as sparks fly from Frank’s eyes.

“I know you have them." Frank looks like he might burst into flames. "And if I don’t have them back in the next five seconds -“

Peter opens his mouth to say that Frank had previously demanded them in ten, but three hands simultaneously slap down over his mouth.

There’s a sound from behind them and Arthur Weasley and Max MacDonald appear behind the Marauders, taking in the mess with something akin to resignation. Arthur pokes his head in, surveys the damage, and says dryly, “Wotcher, Frank?”

"WHERE ARE MY GODDAMN -"

"I have no idea." Arthur gingerly steps over the remains of his robes and whips his glasses off, polishing them on his shirt. "Max and I were in the library all day. And I know you’re accusing these chaps -" He jerks his thumb at the Marauders, who are huddled together for protection while Max hovers nearby. "But after a certain prat stole all my chocolate last month, I put a hex on the dormitory so we would know if they got in."

"SO WHERE ARE -"

Max lifts his wand and gives a broad, sweeping motion; it barely makes an impact. “I dunno, Frank.” He says, brow furrowed slightly as he attempts to right the mess. “But could you get Al down here? You tore this place a new one and I’d like to sleep in relative cleanness tonight.”

Several seconds of murderous glares follow this request, but Max keeps his focus on the mess and Arthur keeps his focus in trying not to laugh. Finally, muttering unintelligible profanes under his breath (Peter swears that he hears Frank say “I’ll punch YOU relatively clean”), Frank disappears out the stairs, ostensibly to yell for Alice at the bottom of the staircase leading to the girls dormitory. 

"What," James asks after several stunned seconds. "In the bloody hell was that about?”

Arthur gives out a sigh of long-suffering as he attempts to wrestle his mattress back into place. “He can’t find his comic books.”

“WHAT?!”

"He can’t find," Max says, sounding remarkably bored. "Any of his 527 comic books. In alphabetical order. Some of them still in their plastic sleeves."

"All five hundred are missing?"

"And twenty seven." 

Arthur gives the mattress up for a loss and leans against his bed frame, panting. 

—

"Merlin, Frank, you look like you just tried to wrestle a Hippogriff."

It only took two calls for Alice to appear from the dormitory, blond hair tussled and one eyebrow arched in remarkable imitation of her cousin, Molly. Her eyes swept over Frank’s shambled appearance, eyes lingering on the prominent vein in his neck and the way he seemed slightly larger than usual (she supposed that Frank, like bears, tended to puff up when angry).

"Did something happen?" She asked, stopping two steps before Frank, the better to be able to look him in the eye.

"Someone stole my comics!" He bit out, sounding unbelievably frustrated. "I’ve looked everywhere for them and I’ve lost my damn mind. Oh, and I trashed the dorm so Max wanted to know if you could help clean it. But my comics, Al! All of them! Who the hell would want all of those things, it took me forever to collect and -"

"Oh, Fran," Alice said reassuringly, and her voice was suddenly syrupy sweet. "I’m so sorry. Look, why don’t you go get yourself some tea and I’ll -"

Marlene’s head poked out from the dormitory. “Al! How much longer are you keeping all these stupid comics here, I can barely get to my bed -“

Alice frantically waved her hands, but the damage was done. Frank’s astonished face went from Marlene, before turning bright pink and turning to glare at Alice, who was now looking anywhere but at Frank.

"You," he said, so evenly that Marlene decided to abandon Alice to her fate and quickly closed the door. "Took. My. Comics?"

Alice exhaled and shrugged her shoulders, lifting her hands in a ‘well, whattya gonna do' sort of gesture. “I borrowed your comics, yes. But only temporarily! I was going to return them.”

“Why?”

"Because I wanted to understand!" Alice’s voice took on a faint tone of frustration. "You’re always going on about them and I always feel like I’m in the middle of Potions class when you do. You love comics, Frank, you love Iron Man and Captain America and all the rest, and I just thought, you know, maybe I should learn about something you were so passionate about. So I borrowed the comics and I was going to surprise you with all my insight. But, um … there’s rather a lot. Also some of the names are very confusing and, correct me here, but … there are wizards? And a Scarlet Witch? And there are SO MANY BAD GUYS. I’ve got a massive chart upstairs and Lily is putting up coloured string to help me figure out relationships. Also, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are brother and sister? But also in love? And I’m very confused -“

She stopped abruptly as Frank’s face twitched, perhaps under the belief that he was about to start yelling again; instead, Frank threw back his head and laughed.

Alice waited a full minute before she let out a weak chuckle. “Alright, yeah, it was kind of stupid.”

"What? No, Allie …" Frank placed his hands on her shoulders and affectionately kissed her. "You are the greatest girlfriend a guy could have. Who else in the world would go to the trouble of breaking into a dormitory and lifting out over five hundred comic books, just so she could know what her boyfriend is talking about at dinner?”

"Well, to be fair, I did recruit the girls to help."

"Al, you’re amazing."

"I know. Listen, now that the game is up, what is with Boar? He loses his powers if he loses his hammer, but he keeps throwing his hammer.”

Shaking his head with a chuckle, Frank twined his arm around her waist and started to lead her back to the dorms. “It’s sort of his super power -“

"And when are Iron Man and Captain America going to confess they love each other -“

"ALRIGHT, THERE I’M DRAWING THE LINE."