#kiloueka

...Cloaca

it's

Key-lo-way-ka

She's my OC I've had since like 7th grade

♡ Achillean Lion Pillow by Kiloueka ♡ 

hoo buddy

Strawberry tea: Tell me about your first kiss, if you had one.

i feel like you’ve been around long enough that you’ve heard the story of Andrew From The Internet, but here goes

when i was just a bit out of high school, i started up an okcupid account to try and find true love. this was back when i thought i was mostly straight and so of course i got a bunch of dudes contacting me. one of them was Andrew From The Internet. he was at the upper edge of my age range, but he seemed nice and said that we should go see Avatar, since neither of us had seen it. (if you guys wanna guess my age that’s a clue) so we went to the mall to meet up. 

he was several years older than he had been in his profile pic, which really should have been strike one. he was bad at conversation- when we were talking, he kept interrupting me to say “you know you’re really beautiful, right?” current me would have been like “yeah binch i know but i asked where you worked” but wee me was less disconcerted. when we went to go get tickets avatar was sold out, but there were still tickets for a kristen bell romantic comedy called “when in rome” so he insisted we see that. (this is also why i did not like kristen bell until i saw the good place, tangentially) i was getting a ride home in a few hours so i was like “whatever i’ll see the movie nbd.” i had brought in my own bottle of dr pepper, which i had on the other side away from him, and this heralds the final straw for young me. during the movie he reached over me- across my whole body!- and grabs the bottle of dr pepper, opens it, and takes the first sip. without asking or anything. who does that?

anyway, we leave the theatre, and i’m about to just be like “yeah well goodbye forever” when he grabs my arm, physically lifts my short ass up, and sticks his tongue in my mouth. what he didn’t know at the time was that i had been holding back a sneeze and, long story short, i sneezed in his mouth, biting his tongue, he fuckin’ drops me like a sack of rocks, makes an excuse about how he’s gotta go, and gets tf out of there.

he eventually e-mailed me back a few weeks later at 4 AM saying i was a whore who would die alone in a whorehouse surrounded by cats. good times.

Apple tea: Tell me about your first break up, if you had one.

also not, uh, not great. my ex was not, as they say, fantastic. among many, many other things that i’m not getting into because fuckin’ downer, they complained both that i was too easy to mistreat and that i was too firm about the boundaries i enforced. it was a bad time. 

there may be a reason i’m not really married to the whole “your first is SPECIAL” thing, looking at both of these answers

Blueberry-Muffin tea: Tell me a memory, which makes you smile.

oh, i can do that! leave it on less of a bummer note!

Shit Bobbie I'm so sorry that's all happening ;-;

s’cool s’not your fault

seriously, though, it’s shitty, but it could be way, way worse, i guess? 

Attacker. The A is in front since she's a prototype and used to just be "number 2"