"You offered to get Toshiro Digimon merch and not me? Jackass." Ichigo kicks his counterpart in the face.
The reflexes kicked and now he's in the process of kicking his (younger?) self's ass over Digimon Merc that would be in HIS universe not this little shit's over here!!! While the actual brawl was childishly small, the fact the multiverse was shaking everytime they threw hands- someone had to stop them.
Thus every Ichigo Kurosaki throughout the multiverse recieved a visit from a special Hell Butterfly directly from the Soul King himself(ves):
"ICHGO "MUTHAFACKING" KUROSAKI! I DON'T KNOW WHICH VERSIONS OF YOU ARE FIGHTING SO I'M TELLING ALL YOU TO STOP IT! I CAN HAVE IT SO THAT YOU LOOK BASIC WITH BLACK HAIR AND BE SHORTER THAN RUKIA KUCHIKI!!!!"
Just show it was a threat and a promise, they could find themselves with black hair and at the hieght of 4'11 for a soild minute before going back to normal.
"...what the fuck just happened!?!" Did someone drug him? Was he alseep and having nightmares? Of al the strange shit that's happened to him this was extreme even for him! Or well them?
The Soul King(s) continued:
"Okay, Good Boys. The multiverse isn't causing me a headache anymore with your brawling. Though while I have you all on multiverse speaker Hell Butterfly (Phone), that one version of you who became Soul King after a version of myself took a nap (died)- he said to pass the message that you all should bully the Seireitei and Huceo Mundo to make the 15th of every Month, Ichigo Day."
"...wait, what!? You're the Soul King!?! What about me becoming you after a fucking nap?" The Ichigo day did seem funny though, it this situation wasn't more wild than drugs, he would admit being into it, just to give everyone shit if nothing else. Wait he said this as basically a conference call with a bunch of Ichigos from different universe and timelines, right? Does that mean...
"...hey, can we like Unionize or something? I think being underpaid and underfucked is a common Ichigo Kurosaki experience considering all the bullshit most of us go through?" The logistics of that would even work didn't even need to be asked since that requires the Ichigo Union to be even possible first of all.
The Soul King(s?) continued:
"Hmm? Oh, that's right. For some reason the Seireitei almost always never tells you that you've been getting paid since you became a Substitute Shinigami. As for the other thing- you all REALLY don't need my help for that so long as it's version of you that has an intrest in sex at all. Though you all are one my favorire exsietneces across the multiverse so I suppose I could spoil you all a little. Look behind you, Ichi~"
Once an Ichigo looked behind him in his respective place in time and universe, he'd find the following gifts!:
A crate full of the best Chocolate Bars from around the world.
A hardback and paperback collection of Shakespeare's entire written collection.
30 Pairs of Socks, Undershirts and Boxer-briefs made extra fasionable , breathable and combat ready by Shutara(s)
Even their Inner World's were hit! There was now a giant endless Chocolate Fountain that flows endlessly so as as Ichigo lives. (Flavors depend on his mood)
"...you know, I dont even things dreams of drugs could even be this nice to us." He just catiously took one of the candy bars and unwraped them, taking a bite and moaning like teh slut for chocolate quiet a few Ichigo secretly were (others were open about it). Meanwhile, he can hear Zangetsu in back of his mind also moaning saying the Chocoklate Fountain was so good he thinks it could make him nut like a virgin.
The Soul King(s?) continued:
"Oh! One more thing before I end the call. Each of you tell your Aizen a messgae from me. Your loyal Zanpakutō Spirit gave me the inspiration for it!" Oh no. "Dear Aizen, no matter much you transcend yourself, you will never reach my level. You have too much BITCH in you and spoiler: I can have Ichibei rename you MY BITCH if since your immortal ass wants to be the BOOTLEG version of ME!"
Cue the laughter of Ichigo before the special Hell Butterfly flew away, the world was back to normal-aside from the gifts and Inner World Choclate Fountain various Ichigo's across the timelines and multiverse were blessed with by the Soul King.
SOUL KING APPROVED DEATHBERRYS: @brcidablik @kurosakixichigo @protectorkurosaki @deathssubstitute @ichxgo @kurosakilchigo + THE LOYAL ZANPAKYOUs: @mezkesmuses @shirxsaki @killerinstincts
(You, yes you reading this! Go shower all of these Ichigos and Zangetsus with love! Attention! Chocolates. Kisses. Whatever they want. They're worth it. - 4th-Wall Breaking Soul King who totally has no BIAS whatsoever.)