#killerdog

Pairing: barty/sirius @nightshift-clocking-in don't forget, you asked for this.

Remus nudges Sirius, eyes narrowed. “What is with you Pads?”

“Hmm?” Sirius looks up, his dreamy gaze reluctantly drawing back from the Slytherin table. Remus doesn’t even want to know who he might have been gazing at, and circe he hopes that it was just an accidental direction of his gaze while daydreaming. Can’t hurt to make sure though.

“You spend an awful lot of time gazing wistfully at the Slytherin table, you got the hots for a snake do you?”

Sirius scoffs. “And why do you think I’d ever like them? I have taste.”

“Is that so?” James cuts in. “Is that why I saw you on the map with Barty Crouch Jr. in an abandoned classroom last night?”

“James!” Sirius says, horrified, throwing his jam toast at the other boy. James giggles as he dodges the sticky breakfast food, turning to toss the end of his croissant back at Sirius, but Sirius is too busy doing damage control, looking at Remus, pleading. 

“You know I could never, a Slytherin– you know right?” 

“Do I?” Remus raises a brow. “What were you doing in a room all alone with him then, huh?”

“Talking about Reggie. Obviously.” Sirius says quickly, but he can’t meet Remus’ eyes, instead over-correcting on acting casual and carefully spreading Jam on a fresh piece of toast. Remus can see the tremble in his hands. He’s lying and Remus understands, because it’s Barty, but also doesn’t, because surely they’re not doing something so incomprehensible that Sirius would feel the need to lie about it.

“Oh?” James says, prodding further. “And how is dear Regulus, hmm?”

“He’s fine.” Sirius says shortly, lips pursed. 

“And you’re going through Barty because, you’re still not on speaking terms with Regulus, is that right?” James asks.

Sirius nods, taking a bite of his toast.

“Ha!” James says, pointing. Sirius stiffens, and James continues. “I saw you in the astronomy tower with Reggie last week! I know you’ve reconciled because I asked him and he told me.” James leans forward on his elbows, perching his chin on clasped hands and grins at Sirius conspiratorially. “What were you doing in the classroom with Crouch, Sirius?”

Sirius presses his lips together, glaring at James. If looks could kill, James would likely be aflame. They both know Sirius won’t admit to whatever it was they were really doing, so teasing, Remus takes a shot in the dark at the least likely scenario to get him to realise it’s fine.

Remus gags, moving slightly away from his friend. “Crouch, Sirius? Really?”

But at the hurt look on Sirius’ face, he falters, because apparently yes, really. And Remus’ heart cracks because he was so sure, at least he had hoped, that when Sirius finally settled into his sexuality that it would be him that he fall for. And yet, the look on Sirius’ face told him that wasn’t the case. 

And there must be something showing on Remus’ face because the next thing he knows, Sirius’ hands are on his arm, and he can’t breathe, he can’t–

“I wasn’t– it wasn’t– well it is, but I, we weren’t going to tell anyone because it’s not serious.” Remus sees the battle in his eyes, because he’s still lying but he’s correcting to try not to hurt their feelings and doing the exact opposite. 

Because Remus knows. He knows the kind of sweet nothings and promises that can fall from Sirius’ lips because he’s heard them all before. For him they were promises of friendship and loyalty and comfort wrapped in blankets and a warm embrace. He can only imagine the kinds of words that fall from Sirius’ lips when he’s in love, and that’s what this is, isn’t it? The longing looks across the hall, the deep flush and the hurt at the insinuation that he was wrong for wanting Barty, the flicker of resentment that crossed his face at the mere insinuation that what he felt was not okay. 

And Remus can’t breathe. 

Because he breathes the air Sirius breathes but that air is for someone else.

Sirius is looking at him, and he retracts his arm, blinking back tears as he stands, excusing himself from the table. 

For the first time this morning, Remus catches movement on the other side of the hall, his eyes flicking to the movement and seeing Barty stand to leave, likely following Sirius from the hall. 

Remus feels as if the air has been punched out of him despite feeling so sure that there wasn’t any left in his lungs, and he takes panicked gasping breaths, James rushing around the table to steady him and talk him through it. 

“You’re alright, Moony, you’re alright. Breathe in– That's good. Breathe out. Good, you’re doing great.”