#keys vent

me, still slightly nauseous: eats food

and then she starts asking me about my world view and like my plan for my future (not my career). and im like oh yeah i'm gonna blah blah blah i'm getting through college rn, i want to get a phd but not yet. and then i'm getting uncomfortable with her questions so i just kinda go "what about you" and she starts telling me about her biblical world view and that she's guided by the lord.

which is fine. people can do religion whatever way they want to so long as it doesn't harm others idc. i personally am not religious for reasons i shall not discuss. but she was telling me about her world view and about how i should think about my world view and future. and i'm like haha i'll give it some thought! and then she had to go

but its just. i don't know if her questions were caused by seeing my scars. but it definitely felt like they were. it's interesting to see peoples reactions to sh when they're not familiar with the research and complexity of the topic. i think she saw them and was like uh oh that means they're wanting to die.

the reality is that my self harm kept me alive when nothing else could. it's not a good habit, obviously, but the reality is that it is what i did to get by. it was necessary for my survival. i would most certainly be dead without it.

so. idk where i'm going with this but folks who don't know a lot about self harm, especially non suicidal self injury. it's not a simple they're hurting themself = they want to die. it can be that, sometimes, but not always. learning more about nssi is really really a good topic to be educated on in addition to suicide prevention.