#keepresisting

Spring has sprung! This year it snuck up on me. My life has been consumed with struggle lately; whether it’s helping clients at work fight their way toward mental health, or just me playing my role in resisting the current administration’s agenda. But, in truth, there hasn’t been much else. Acknowledging the lack of balance in my life, I determined to find some. I took myself to one of the great “thinking spots” on our property, stood (note to self – build a bench this summer), and meditated on the idea of balance and my place in the world. Who couldn’t use more perspective and balance in their lives anyway? Everyday. With each news alert. Because it seems like the world changes every day, and there is nothing securely fastened to anything – and no way to hold on. Too many times, I feel like I can just resign myself to this truth, and surrender my fight. But that’s not who I want to be. And if I’m going to spout wisdom about “living authentically” and “being genuine in your approach to life” – I damned well better be walking the walk.

So I stood at my thinking spot and stared at the trees and the sun; I watched the clouds migrate across the sky and listened to the breeze rustle the dead leaves and branches in the woods. Then the “a-ha moment” came. I realized that my focus has been so narrowed on what I can do to help others – whether it’s my clients at work or phone calls, emails and postcards when I get home – I forgot to “zoom out” and see the world through a wider lens. I forgot that that the world will keep spinning, and day will continue to turn to night no matter what I do or don’t do; no matter what kind of day I have, or no matter what the latest headline is about our failing government. Winter will always, eventually, turn to Spring.

The more I started to see life through the wider lens, the more I started to relax and feel a sense of calm and reassurance wash over me. And then the other “a-ha moment” hit me. Each year, usually around February, I turn my attention to the garden. This means creating timelines, notes and lists. What do I plant, how much, when? Then there are compost and bed rotations to consider, greenhouse maintenance and larger projects. I revel in garden thoughts, budding trees, singing birds and the brilliant awakening of Spring. This is the rhythm of my life each year. Not emails to Members of Congress, phone calls to the House Speaker, and tweets to @POTUS. But this is where I am right now – and I must find a way to gain perspective and balance with both passions, because red-lining on intensity each day is not sustainable.        

Finding perspective means finding my place in this grander scheme. I talk to clients a lot about the things we can control, and the things we can’t; and the constant things we can hang on to, especially when it feels like the ground beneath us is always shifting and changing. God, grant me the serenity….you know how it goes. I have one client in particular who has rearranged his life to care for a dying parent. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be for a young person, and we have been doing a lot of work together to come to a place of acceptance with all of that. One of the things we discuss is the importance of perspective and balance. Perspective, because right now he just can’t see that – as big as this moment is in his young life, and it’s pretty big – it’s still a moment; and, in time, this experience will find it’s place. Every tough period in our lives, with time and healing, finds it’s place as part of a larger whole. We also talk about balance – because life can’t always be about chaos. There also has to be order. We can’t constantly give of ourselves until there is nothing left. No one can be their optimal self when they are depleted. We have to take time to replenish and recharge – or what good are we to the people, or causes, we serve?