#kawrage

Did I cut my hair too short?

Should I start wearing dresses every now and then?

Did my touch linger for a moment too long?

Should I have not spoken out against their homophobia?

Can she see the spark in my eyes, hear the shift in my tone?

Should I have pretended to be interested in that marriage proposal?

Does my queerness show? Does it ooze out of me? Does it leave a trail?

On days when I begin to keep myself in check – when I attempt to tuck myself in neatly – my own safety isn’t my foremost concern.

I keep myself contained because I worry about tainting the lives of those around me.

Now I have no misgivings about the immorality of queerness, and it’s been years since I’ve had nightmares of fire and brimstone.

“If you would like to book Irshad Manji for an event click here.”

I am beginning to wonder about something. About the nature of my--and a small, particular group of childhood friends’--existence, or should I say, “escapence”. It started with a comment a friend of mine had said a few weeks ago about “the only way”. He was talking, very broadly, about ‘Gay Arabs’ and how ‘our’ only solution was to leave our ‘homelands’ and move ‘Westward’, like he ended up doing. I assume that’s how he sees me, as well. I don’t see myself that way, I confess. Because I don’t consider the US, where I currently live, as home. (I don’t see the country in which I grew up as home either for that matter.)

Back to my friend’s comment, he stated that Escape was the goal of any Arab whose sexual identity politics align with The Alphabet Soup. 

I was talking to another friend of mine, who doesn’t live near me, on line, just a few minutes ago, and telling her about my (somewhat recent) anxiety issues. It was bad enough I had to take a pill from a family member who suffers from anxiety also. I told her how I had mentioned this to a friend of mine whom I was supposed to meet yesterday, in order to explain my not coming. That friend had said that’s the same medicine she takes for a similar condition. She then made the comment “What does that say about our environment where we all have moderate to severe anxiety?”

And with that sentence, I was thinking Escape! Escape is the hope, right? If the current environment has caused us anxiety, then we must remove ourselves from this environment, right?

But, isn’t this environment already an escape, at least, according to the first friend? So, does this mean we are destined to constantly escape? Is Escaping the fabric that makes this reality? Does everyone escape, or need to escape constantly? Is there an eventual goal for the escape? Or do we find something new to escape from once we get ‘there’? 

I look at people I know, ما شاء الله, and they don’t seem to convey this need for Escapism. They seem, for all intents and purposes, content with where they are, at least at the moment. It’s true one does not know the details of what people are going through, but within my own family, there seems to be a ... serenity that seems to evade me. So, is this a matter for non-heteronormative identifying people? Or is it people who take on a sexuality label who aren’t from ‘The West’? Of course, The West would have to exclude large parts of The West, like The Bible Belt in the US, for example. But when did reality, with all its nuances, matter in these types of generalizations?

I am reminded that this is not a unique realization. The transience of this existence, and all its trials and tribulations, show up one way or another in various religious traditions. The particular Islamic one I identify with reminds me that this life is a journey, not a destination. I suppose it just means that it’s one big escaping state. 

والله أعلم

أ.م.

Help Queer Arab Poets Get to Washington, D.C. !!!

For ...

SPLIT THIS ROCK Poetry Festival Group Reading & Workshop: Struggle, Resilience & Transformation: Queer Arabs in the Diaspora Andrea Assaf, Janine Mogannam, Amir Rabiyah 2 PM, March 29 @ Human Rights Campaign, Room 2

We are a diverse group of queer and gender fabulous Arab and Arab American poets, artists and activists, holding different religions, nationalities and migration stories, who have been invited to present at Split This Rock, the nation’s premier social justice focused poetry festival!

At Split This Rock, in addition to performing our poetry, we are committed to facilitating inclusive dialogue, fostering creativity, and holding an affirming space for people living on the intersections of race, class, disabilities, gender, sexuality, war, and immigration.

As queer and gender non-conforming Arabs, we want to represent ourselves, since we often are spoken for. Split This Rock is a great opportunity to connect with and support other artists who want to tell their own stories through poetry.

What We Need & What You Get:

We are asking you, our community, for your support. We need to raise $5000 by March 20 to make this trip happen. Fabulous Perks! No contribution is too small!

Your contributions will go toward airfare, transportation, housing, and festival registration, as well as artists’ fees and a small per diem for food and other associated costs.

The Impact As queer Arabs / Arab Americans, many people and institutions attempt to speak for us. As people with a broad spectrum of identities, we often move through society with parts of ourselves made hyper-visible, and others invisible. At Split This Rock we will share our stories from our own perspectives and experiences. Through the sharing of our poetry and the questions we wrestle with in our lives and creative work, we hope to connect with folks from many varied communities, including other artists of color, queer folks and allies. Many of us share similar histories of negotiating multiple identities, colonization, intersecting oppressions and displacements. Our presentation will create a space for participants to reflect on their own histories and identities. Through this collective act of witnessing, and shared reflection, we hope to build a sense of compassion and connection between us and all attendees, which we will bring back with us into our communities as we work towards recognition and social justice.

Please spread the word. Your support will help make this trip, reading & workshop possible!

I was tagged by bemusedbibliophile to answer some questions! 

These are the rules of the game:

Answer the questions of the person who tagged you and write 10 new ones

Tag 10 people and link them

Let them know that they’ve been tagged

1. If you were a condiment, which one would you be and why?

I would be Gentleman's Relish, because its taste captures my personality perfectly: strong, very salty, and slightly fishy.

2. What are your top three movies?

Strange Days

Labyrinth

Invasion of the Body Snatchers

3. When was the last time you pulled an all-nighter?

Insomnia doesn't count, right? I honestly can't remember. It was probably back when I was still in university. I have to say that I thoroughly enjoy and need a good night's rest. Sleeping is one of my favourite activities. Insomnia is the pits.

4. The frontman of your favorite band/your favorite solo artist breaks down your front door with an electric guitar—what do you do?

The first thing I'd do is probably ask Maynard James Keenan why he broke down my front door instead of simply ringing the doorbell. Then I would ask him to pay for breaking down my front door. I would then ask him why he's schlepping around with only an electric guitar, since an electric guitar is practically useless without an amplifier. Depending on my mood I would either offer him a cup of tea (I don't drink coffee, so I don't have coffee), or tell him firmly, though politely, to go away.

If it's in the middle of the night I would probably tell him to—excusez le mot—fuck off.

5. What’s the most you’ve ever spent on food?

In a restaurant, or in a supermarket? In a restaurant around € 80/90,- ($ 110.00/125.00) and in a supermarket around € 120,- ($ 165.00)

6. Who’s the best teacher you’ve had so far?

One of my dearest friends, Sue Foster. She taught me that hope is not a dirty word.

7. Who’s your favorite actor?

This is a very difficult question to answer: there are so many actors that I like, but if I have to choose one I would have to go with Angela Bassett. It's always a pleasure to watch her act. And she is on-point in Strange Days.

8. What would you do if you suddenly acquired the superpower of invisibility?

Travel the world unseen. I reckon that being invisible makes travelling so much easier.

9. Regular or sweet potato fries? 

Sweet potato fries with sea salt and thyme.

10. Worst movie of 2013?

Star Trek Into Darkness comes immediately to mind. But I'm sure I can come up with a lot more.

Here are 10 new questions:

What is your fondest memory?

If you could live in the (fictional) world of one book, which one would you choose?

Which song could you listen to over and over again?

When was the last time you lied to a person?

If you had to be an item of clothing, which one would you be and why?

What is your favourite word?

Which place makes you feel uncomfortable?

Who is your favourite author?

What would you do if you could predict everyone's future except your own and nobody believed you?

Oh Lord :X At least it’s entertainingly bad? Someone asked me to translate 50 Shades of Grey for them. I wonder if anyone else has done it yet. Authubillah *shudder*

I haven't read anything outside of graduate school stuff in over five years... but I might be tempted to read that!

kawrage replied to your post: Speaking of Twilight, Eric… 

I DISOWN THEE