Sometimes I entertain the idea of coming out when I'm older but then I'm reminded that I have no idea how horrible the outcome would be. Just today, my mom was scrolling and saw a post about how our world cup match against Iran is a pride match (I know for a fact my family's watching the match, and that the majority of Egypt is and a delusional part me is praying that somehow at least my family starts being the tiniest smidge more accepting). After that, I was chilling on my phone and got one of these facebook flashbacks for a post my mom tagged me in. What's the post about? The lightyear film. It was an analogy I guess for how one bad thing in a movie ruins the whole thing (mind you we've watched movies/shows together with lgbtq+ characters, and we just "ignore" it). You wanna know what it was likened to? A small amount of dog poop into a tray of cookies. And just why? All of this for what? It's not like the rep was anything major, either. We watch shows and movies with haram shit all the time. Why is this where the line is drawn? I remember also at some point (during the same time probably) my mom said she gets recommended the accounts me and my sisters follow and made us sit down and unfollow anyone who had a pride flag in their bio. I managed to not unfollow all that many people (needed to clean out my following anyway lol). I'm just rambling now honestly, and this post makes my family seem like monsters (which I very much know they aren't), but this shit will never tire me. I wanna be free. There are so, so many queer Arabs/SWANAs. We're just too afraid to do shit about it. I envy people who stand against their families in these matters. Activists who riot in the name of pride. And despite that envy, I am so, so proud. I am not half as courageous as you, but I do triumph vicariously through your success. I hope the times change when I'm older. Or at least I grow a backbone. I'm waiting desperately for a turn at freedom.
