#kat personal

I'm not even that big of a member of the simon snow fandom, but this fic kind of changed my life.

Rebel Rebel's version Baz is my favorite version of him ever, and to me he's one of the most comforting characters I've ever read. I read this fic almost two years ago when I felt like everything was falling apart (though looking back, it was really just teenage angst) and again a year and half ago when I was realizing that I had fallen in love with my best friend. This latest reread is because I'm feeling burnt out and scared of change, and I honestly feel so much better after this reread.

the SOUNDTRACK of this fic is my other favorite aspect -- I can hear the scenes and I've fallen in love with so much wonderful music because of this story. I, like Baz, am pretentious about my music taste.

basicbathsheba isn't very active in the fandom anymore but her fics mean so SO much to me and now I'm just being really sentimental because I've reread Rebel Rebel again.

Makes things alotttttt easier.

:emerges from the crypt:

Hi everyone! I know I’ve been away again for a long time, but I wanted to let you all know that I got a promotion and I survived the layoffs at my company! I’m so relieved and happy. I’m really excited to start this new chapter.

Now that my main source of stress is gone, I’m hoping I can start writing again and posting more (for those of you who are still interested in my writing).

When I was young and I read about the people - in history or in fiction - who sacrificed little pieces of their souls in order to survive, I had trouble understanding them. My naive self could never accept or understand why that person would give up the parts they knew best about themselves in order to breathe a little easier, to lift the weight that was crushing them.

At my core, I am a creative person. I write. I read. I love art and music; and find beauty in the things that others have trouble identifying as beautiful. I am empathetic to an alarming degree. Even though I can’t claim to know every part of myself, I do know what I am not.

When it comes to jobs and money, I am more than aware of what I cannot do. Thus far, I have always refused to sacrifice what I know to be true about myself in order to be safe. Now, I’ve realized I’m at that point again. This time, I can’t just avoid it or wait for it to pass. A decision has to be made. And I’m finding myself reaching towards my soul, ready to snap off a piece of it in order be safe; in order to take that weight off my back. I don’t want to. I really, REALLY don’t want to. I’m currently in a vicious cycle where I hope, then I doubt, then I despair. Rinse. Wash. Repeat. I don’t know what’s going to happen. There’s still a sliver of a chance I may be able to get that weight off without snapping off that piece of my soul, but it’s only that - a sliver.

I read over Tumblr’s new guidelines regarding NSFW content. For now, they are still allowing erotica. What they classify as erotica, I don’t know.

Like I said before, I have saved all of my fanfiction. I have not however, saved all of my headcanons. There are just too many.

I will try to move all of my fanfiction to AO3 or my old writing site. More likely AO3 since my old writing site may not allow the “CGs” that came with my butler Christmas series. For now, everything will stay where it is here. If one of my stories gets flagged, I will comply with their wishes, if only because I do not want to lose my blog and I can always post the AO3 link in my master post.

For future fics, I may just do what other folks have done and link any NSFW chapters to AO3 and post non-eroticia versions here in order to avoid being flagged or banned.

I’m not happy about this either. Child porn is no joking matter and porn bots are annoying, but I agree with the many people on this site that this is merely a blanket solution that will do more harm than good.

If anyone would like to be placed on a list of people I can email or contact with my upcoming stories (that I hopefully will be publishing soon, despite my workload), please let me know. Any unfinished requests or trades are top priority and will be worked on alongside my special butler project I teased two years ago. (:wheeze:) If you are one of these folks, I am so sorry and I know I have disappointed you. Believe me, this is never what I had intended and your requests/trades are on a board on my wall to remind me daily of my failure so please know you have not been forgotten. I will still post your requests/trades even if you’re no longer interested because that is my nature. I don’t give up.

Anyway, thank you all who still check out this old blog of mine and I hope to update it with more original content in the coming year. I’ll sign a blood pact if I have to.

Best,