Even tho I’m not the one panicking but on my soul they’ll thank me for it later

Them.

Slurred in speech and

Unmoving. No blood.no thought just there to

Torment.

And comfort in weird ways.

You don’t see me making stuff for sci anymore

And that’s fine with me.

But it’s getting stuffy with all these bodies.

….

Psh.

I don’t care.

I shouldn’t care

Neither should Des or the blonde guy or even fucking Hank for all I care

Deimos is far gone as long as I know it.

Kids been crashing with mirage and brick nd Misha

……

Lanky nd pen don’t care

I don’t think so

Coles burning out again.

So

I guess I need to do my own job

….. you good there?

Bro that was too

We’re ’too awake’ for that to be a dream man

I don’t think about my home.

I don’t think at all.

The question “what’s stopping you” freezes me.

Nothing in hindsight. But the psychological torment of it. Stops me. That “what if it all goes down hill” and I do have to crawl back to them. The fear is childish.

And it hits me like a prison sentence. An inmate who’s scared to misbehave.

And I’ve been good.

So good that the people of the streets tell my mother how good I am.

That makes her proud.

Good.

Is all I knew how to be. After being so bad unable to express my pain.

Unable to say or do anything else the devil will cometh into mine soul.

…. I spit where you sleep and squander any efforts you have to keep me here.

Let me go is all I beg

Let me go far away

Let me go and let me go soon.

Others have their lives

I want mine

I want mine .

I want mine let me have a life.

I don’t want these same issues to keep coming back to me.

I feel like a toddler watch my parents scream and be at each others throats. There’s hatred

And you dare say you are my example of love?

You dare say.

You D A R E tell me other wise.

I’ll have your tounge.

I’ll slice your windpipe from ear to ear if I must.

Silence

Silence

Me included.

I don’t see any point fussin over things anymore….unless it’s me leaving

If things and people keep dying around me I’m taking it as a sign and Packing my shit up and going.

I wouldn’t fucking know where.

But two deaths back to back in months

…. Yeah

Not a good thing.

Every one good is dying but my grandpa. I hope he fucking does faster! Actually. I hope his oxygen cuts off in the middle of the night and he chokes on that same fucking tounge he used to molest me.

I hope he dies on it.

Keep saying it’s different when it’s the same thing over and over

And over again.

Just gimmie some time.

…I need a lot of time.