#k8 post

for anyone who might need to know, 3/10 people who test negative are false negatives. join the club, it’s super fun times. 

two weeks in as of today... not delirious anymore, but still getting the equivalent of asthma attacks if i’m on my feet for more than 30 secs. and i’m in trouble for carrying the groceries inside today bc wife was still in bed, which, fair. felt like i’d run a 5k after being run over by a freight train and could barely lift my head. 

and to anyone who might happen to read this and was at a MD lowe’s two weekends ago and who was one of the asshole baby boomers who were getting all up in everyone’s personal space and not wearing masks or not wearing them correctly, fucking shame on you. fuck you in general.

we’ve been quarantined since march due to high risk issues, this was my first trip ANYWHERE outside the house that wasn’t the grocery store (which, until then, I’d visited every 2 weeks since lockdown began since all the grocery and delivery pickup times were always booked). naturally, daring to step outside of my usual destination, i get infected immediately by a bunch of spoiled middle class adult toddlers who took exactly zero care to watch out for anyone else’s health and well-being, because god forbid their convenience be slightly affected by concern for others. 

Thanks to @yelenabelous for tagging me in this thinger. I've been having a few sad days, and writing this really gave me a boost. Putting these here to come back to when I need the reminder.

(1) My wife, who is my partner, my best friend and the other half of my coin/soul/one shared brain cell (tbh she has it way more often than me, sort of a 70-30 split).

(2) My pets, 2 cats (menaces to society) and a doggo (the most patient ball of happy floof in history). All 3 are rescues and it makes me so happy to see them happy and content.

(3) Writing and worldbuilding, particularly with my wife. It's how we fell in love as roommates and I love writing with her so much, and spinning up new stories and new universes.

(4) Horses- I've been a horse girl since I was about six, I think? And while riding isn't always something I can afford to pursue, I also volunteer at a horse rescue, and just being around them, or doing the boring everyday chores around the barn is like the best kind of therapy. My brain calms down in a way it rarely ever does.

i've shipped buck and eddie from the first episode, no question, but this is the show i've dived into after too much hurt and disappointment from other things and i don't want to get sucked into negativity here. not when the show makes me so happy.

oh

why does my internet suck

oh why does my internet suck

why is it so goddamn slow

i hope it’s good, i do

i just have very little faith, and i’ve had the characters and the plots and everything in a Very Specific Way in my head for 25 years

between endgame and the new sw trilogy and everything else, it’s just really hard for me to get excited about anything anymore. i had a brief moment of excitement about the loki trailer, but... then it left. 

i don’t have the emotional energy to create content to fix it for myself if it’s bad. between this and the upcoming amazon middle earth series... let’s just say i’m extremely wary of anyone trying to put something i love onscreen. 

if they fuck up gil-galad and celebrimbor... will galadriel even be in it?? will there be a 95% male to 5% female main cast, with every single one of them being white and waif-thin? 

i posted about past emotional abuse and i’m angry and anxious but also feel a weight off my shoulders, so 

goal for this year, therapist-approved, is to be happy with myself, as myself. setting the goal doesn’t mean i have to get all the way there, but i want to try, to keep heading in that direction. and that’s a good mindset to be in, i think.