#k.l.

This past Saturday evening I went to a holiday party and wore a dress for the first time. It felt so natural and freeing and I felt so much confidence that I actually gave a woman I met there my number. I’ve never done anything like that in my entire life before. Today I finally heard back from her. She just got out of a divorce so she’s not looking to date right now (and I understand exactly where she’s coming from), but said she would love to be friends. Which is honestly a win in my book. I messaged her back, but who knows if or how soon she’ll reply. But it’s fine either way. I’m just going to let go of expectations and let things unfold however they will. I did the important part—making the effort to put myself out there.

I have been struggling in my head so much this past week. With Valentine's Day a few days ago, and my 5 month with my girlfriend yesterday, so many feelings have been rattling around inside me that I just can't form into words. It's been the most frustrating thing. I've never felt like this before. My life is stressful. Im constantly worrying about school, getting an internship, work, and most predominantly, money. But it's the craziest thing to say, I have never felt this kind of happy. Excuse me as I try to explain: The love I feel from this girl is unmatched by any I have ever felt. It's not a lustful, plunge head-first into it and leave everything else behind, but a comfort that I have never felt. It's a love that you're damn proud to bring home to your parents. It's a love that everyday, you are suprised by her selflessness. I have loved before, but not like this. I've never been at a loss of words, and I'm not even sure I will have the words that accurately describe how I feel anytime soon. But what I do know is I never take a day for granted that I get the opportunity to stand by her side. I may not have a lot of aspects of my life figured out, in fact my life is a mess. But I know that the feeling I have inside is great. It's healthy, full, warm, and it grows everyday. I love who she is and what she stands for.