#justsuffilike

All thoughts of the accident and Bard’s miraculous recovery had dissipated now, the conversation did not come up again until Thranduil appeared one morning dressed to kill in robes fancier than Bard had ever laid eyes upon before. 

“We are riding to Lothlorien today, will you join us?” Bard, still in his everyday wandering around pretending-not-to-be-king clothes, paled for a moment as his mind raced and his heart started beating faster than a hummingbird’s wing. 

Lothlorien, where his dearest naneth resided. It did open the floor to Bard explaining who he was and it would be easier with his mother there to back him up, even though it was rather unlikely that Thranduil and Elrond would not believe him.

“Yes, I think a trip would be nice. Why are you heading out that way?” He hoped the question was as casual as it should have been. It must have been because Thranduil sighed and gestured vaguely in the direction of Elrond’s voice that floated down the hall. 

“To visit extended family.” 

More than you have any idea about, Bard thought but instead of speaking he merely offered Thranduil a sunny smile that spoke of innocence where there was none. 

With a silent order to change Bard got up and hastily dressed in something more fitting to see Galadriel and Celeborn. Meeting Galadriel was always such a jarring experience though not at all negative… just jarring and she was always so kind to him and not at all surprised that he was aware of elven customs, unlike Elrond and Thranduil had been. 

It would be near 6 hour trip from Rivendell to Lothlorien and Bard found the time passed with the blink of an eye. How long had it been since he had been there to see his mother and how long had Galadriel pretending she had not known he was there? 

Regardless of who did know, he was more aware of who did not and just how they might feel when he suddenly springs it on them that he was not a frail little mortal man they needed to constantly worry about every moment of the day. 

That wasn’t fair, they knew he was strong and capable but there were time Bard forgot just who he was and allowed them to coddle him even if it was only in the slightest of ways. So used to being seen as just any other human living among humans it was easy to carry on as one would. 

And no one had yet commented on how little he had aged only that he looked good and healthy which was enough for him because it was safe and if not a little bit pleasing to hear. 

They were greeted at the gates by Haldir who called for the entry to be opened for their arrival. Bard gave a hearty wave which the elf returned which earned him a few peculiar looks but it didn’t seem to bother Haldir in the slightest. 

“Elrond and I must discuss elven matters, would you like to join us?” Thranduil sounded bored before he’d even attended the meeting and Bard truly felt for him because he knew Thranduil would have preferred to be doing something more interesting than reminiscing about a time so long ago it seemed inconsequential. 

“I shall leave you to your important matters and I will find something to occupy myself with for the time being.” All he wanted to do was get out of his riding gear and drink something cold and sweet to refresh himself before he slunk off to find his mother. 

It would be a pleasant surprise for her to see him and the thought of seeing her joyous smile spurred him on and he set off for the rooms he was usually given when visiting, he was well aware they would already be ready for them. 

“I shall just go on without you then,” Thranduil called out after him and Bard threw a smile over his shoulder his dark gaze meeting with Thranduil’s pale one as they share a fleeting moment of humour before Elrond took the blond’s attention and they strolled in a leisurely manner towards their welcome party. 

It might have been seen as bad manners not to greet Galadriel and Celeborn but he was sure they wouldn’t hold it against him. After all, he was a human and could not possibly manage to ride 6 hours on horseback and then sit talking for hours drinking wine strong enough it could knock out a full-grown cow. 

Once in private Bard stripped over the leather riding gear and smoothed out his shirt and tidied his now wild hair into something more presentable for his naneth. The anticipation of surprising her was unbearable and the jittery excitement inside him had him pacing the room as he tried to cool himself and give himself time to slip out of the guest quarters unnoticed. 

-----

“They do not know about me do they?” Leithriel asked her smoky voice was coloured with humour as she smiled to the point the corners of her eyes crinkled. A true and, almost, delighted smile. 

“No, and it isn’t as though I was trying to hide it from them, it just never came up in conversation and it took me being gravely injured for me to consider that, perhaps, they didn’t ask me about mortality because they were afraid mine was fragile.” Bard had his elbow on the dark polished surface of her living room table with forehead rested in palm as he stared at his own reflection. 

“You surround yourself with sons and daughters that have lives as quick and as wild as a raging sea. I can see why you would not recall your own heritage when I see rarely see you these days.” Leithriel’s smile faded Bard could hear in her voice that she regretted her actions. 

“You belong in Lothlorien. You would never have been happy in Laketown or Dale without Da. And I would not ever ask you to join me there, we both know I won’t be there forever. One day I might even come here for good.” Leithriel arched a brow at him in question, she looked wholly unconvinced by his words and shook her head. 

“You would leave your husbands and come here to live with me?” When she put it like that it did sound embarrassing but it wasn’t what he had meant. 

He sat back in his seat and ran a hand through his hair hoping the action would ease his mind. There was a genuine fear that Thranduil and Elrond would be unhappy even angry with him for hiding this from them. 

While the logical part of his mind told Bard that he was being ridiculous he still couldn’t help but worry that it had been too long and that it would appear as though he had hidden it from them when that really wasn’t the case. 

“You will not settle here if you do not tell them now.” She was right, of course, and she knew it. “Before you go, I had something made for you.” Rising slowly from her seat with grace Bard knew he’d never possess, Leithriel left the room returning moments later with a package wrapped in pretty silvery paper tied with string white string. 

“I had hoped to send this before your next visit but now is a better time than any to give you this. You married so quickly that I was unable to offer this to you for the wedding but I suppose it will do as an outfit for dinner tonight when you are with Galadriel and Celeborn.” There was a quiet sadness in her voice that Bard wanted to ask her about but before he could he was urged by her to open the package. 

Not wanting to argue or delay what seemed to bring her joy Bard unknotted the string and let the paper fall open revealing neatly folded fabric. He set it on the table so he could stand up and when he lifted the first piece from the set it unfolded revealing a striking burgundy outer robe. 

“The first robe your father ever had made for him by elven tailors. He was ecstatic about it, burgundy and black and he cut quite a fine figure in it too, though he soon became a slight bit too round to wear it as he got older. Morvan wanted you to have it, ion nin.” 

His father had never been the kind of man that had been interested in holding onto his possessions and had always favoured skills over things. There wasn’t much left to keep of his father’s after he had died, and his mother had found it too painful to house anything that reminded her of Morvan other than his picture which hung proudly still on the wall of her library. 

“I want to put this on now.” Bard didn’t wait for a response as he strode from the room with the clothing gathered up in his arms. 

The black tunic and leggings fit perfectly and those garments alone made him feel so noble how a king should look. As he slid the outer robe over his shoulders the picture was complete and for a moment Morvan stared back at him instead of Bard’s own reflection. Those same brown eyes and wild wind-ruffled waves of dark brown hair he had been the very image of that man and how he missed him for a moment. 

Returning to the living area Bard felt he could not speak, the air in his lungs held as though trying to stay in the moment for a while longer, to hold the feeling of pride inside him for as long as he could.

“I- my eyes would deceive me I swore on the stars I thought you were your father.” Her eyes shone as she spoke and Bard released the breath from his lungs and crossed the room to embrace his mother in thanks and in comfort. 

When they parted she shooed Bard from her home with a smile but he knew there was still pain there and should he have lingered his appearance would only have made it worse. With a quick farewell, Bard crossed the courtyard and met Thranduil and Elrond as they left their quarters to go in search of him. 

“Oh my, we leave you to your own devices and suddenly you have a sense of style that may even rival Thranduil’s?” Elrond leaned in to press a soft kiss to Bard’s cheek in greeting and apology for leaving him so long. 

The sun had set and the warm evening lay before them with the song of night birds drifting through the trees. 

“Where did you go to find such clothing. This is the finest tailoring I’ve seen you ever wear and it has the Lothlorien style stamped all over it.” Thranduil slid a hand around Bard’s waist his excuse was to inspect the quality of the fabric but he was definitely just admiring how well it was shaped to his body. 

“This is the perfect moment to tell you that my mother gave it to me.” His bright and airy response was certainly out of character and certainly put on but rather than question the tone of voice both Elrond and Thranduil share a quick look before allowing Bard to continue. 

“My mother lives here and this was my father’s robe she said he wanted me to have it. Which means, as I am sure you worked out in no time at all, I am half-elven.” Had his heart ever beat so fast in his life? 

Silence.

More silence. 

“We know. We realised rather quickly when you were near death and recovered in record time from something that would have killed any normal man.” Thranduil drawled yet he tempered the tone with a smug smile, his hand still planted on Bard’s waist. 

“However, we were not aware of which parent was elven and if they were still alive,” Elrond added as he moved to Bard’s other side. “What we do know is that we are so very relieved you felt comfortable to tell us this and that you will be with us far longer than we could have ever imagined.” 

Bard felt himself visibly relax as he was led back into the guest quarters. What could have been a tense and uncomfortable moment was breezed through leaving Bard with little to worry about though, there was something else on his mind. 

“You know, it is all well and good me being elven and all but you do still have to meet my mother and she still has to like you.” 

The sound of wine being poured into goblets punctured the silence before Thranduil scoffed.

“I’ve not met anyone who does not like me.”

“Do you enjoy saying such ridiculous things to those that know you intimately?” Elrond queried taking Thranduil’s goblet of wine from the blond’s and handing it to Bard before Thranduil could even begin to take a sip. 

“Your reputation precedes you, meleth. You are a ray of light to us but from the outside looking in you may be seen as, ah, tad wintry upon first meeting.” It was a gently as Elrond could put it without dancing around the words and Bard was so wonderfully entertained by it all. 

“What he’s trying to say is, sometimes Thran you can really be a bi-” His words were cut off as a cushion hit him in the face. 

“Alright, alright, I am quite aware of what you are trying to tell me. It just seems to me that there is nothing to worry about. I am charisma personified when I need to be.”

“Well, I have never once witnessed that.” Elrond quipped now taking the second goblet Thranduil had poured. 

“You don’t seem concerned about meeting his mother, why are you the embodiment of calm?” Thranduil questioned now crossing the room to pour his drink out of reach of nabbing hands. 

“Oh, I am not calm. I am positively terrified but at the same time, I had to meet Galadriel and Celeborn once upon a time. I sincerely doubt it can be any worse than that.” 

Maybe not but Bard was not going to let them know, either way, it was far more interesting to see them suffer the unknown. Both of them never knowing when Bard might spring a meeting on them and leaving them wholly unprepared. 

To the illustrious King of Dale,

Forgive me for the sending this and leaving you with so little time…

Lord Thranduil wishes an audience with you and will be riding out at the break of dawn this day to see you.

Again, I apologise that this leaves you with the task of readying your palace for visitors on such little notice.

Please be assured that I fought valiantly to have the king postpone his trip for a few days, but it was to no avail.

If there is anything I can do once we arrive, you need but name it.

Sincerely, Galion.

Bard jumped from his seat cursing under his breath, that bloody- he glanced over to the emissary who genuinely looked terrified. It was probably best not to get too annoyed, after all, he always enjoyed seeing the blond, just didn’t really appreciate the fact he was probably already halfway into his journey here!

The messenger was left to recover while Bard grabbed the nearest of the royal house staff and gave her the bad news, she looked horrified at the time limit and yet sounded strangely confident when she told him not to worry and that everything will be perfect when the elven king arrived.

She was right.

Everything looked amazing, the royal staff were absolutely getting a gift of thanks for pulling out all the stops on this one. Bard had no idea how they did it, but he wasn’t going to spend time questioning them on it.

Thranduil arrived with his usual convoy, though as soon as he had dismounted from the extraordinarily large elk and had greeted Bard, he requested a meeting.

Assuming it was something of great importance Bard agreed and they headed to his study to discuss whatever it was that concerned the elf king.

The place was empty and tidy, the emissary had been moved to another room, far more comfortable than Bard’s study. He gestured for Thranduil to sit before taking his own seat.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes, of course, I merely visit as a friend,” Thranduil responded airily as he reclined in his seat. Everything about his demeanour seemed relaxed leaving Bard more confused than ever.

“Right, so the purpose of this visit is to what… have a friendly chat?” The king of Dale queried all the while eyeing a stack of paperwork he knew he really should be doing.

Thranduil, and without the grace Bard usually equated with the elf, lurched forward hands now flat on the desk in front of him, his expression earnest as he uttered the next sentence.

“Why do humans celebrate the day they are birthed and not the day they were conceived?” The sentence was rushed, and Bard blinked several times as he processed the question. When he finally worked out what the elf had asked it took everything in him not to roll his eyes skyward as though this was, somehow, the fault of a higher power.

“Oh have mercy… Thranduil, what the bloody, are you talking about?”

“You don’t know either?”

“What- no! Of course, I know, but why did you march your entourage all the way here to ask me this... When You Could Have Sent A Letter.” Each word punctuated with frustration and mild confusion at the entire moment he had been forced to be a part of, all thanks to one overly curious blond elven king.

Gods, if he hadn’t been so busy with actual royal duties this all would have been ridiculously endearing because sometimes Thranduil was endearing. The childlike innocence he would sometimes display upon learning something about humans-- it could blow Bard away, and it often left him speculating on just how old Thranduil would be translated into human years.

Was Thranduil a young king?

“Could you at least answer my question after I made an effort to come and see you?”

“You really shouldn’t have, as wonderful as it is to see you, I feel awful that you’ve wasted your time like this,” Bard spoke through gritted teeth, but one look at Thranduil’s expression and he knew all too well that he would not drop the subject until he had an answer.

Stubborn, ridiculous and beautiful elf interrupting his paperwork… urgh.

“You could have asked any woman in my city this question. It didn’t have to be me.”

“It’s because you don’t know the answer, isn’t it? Bard, do not feel embarrassed. We cannot know everything about ourselves. They say knowledge is power, but they don’t say how much knowledge is power.” The blond consoled though it did little to help Bard in any way and he laughed dryly at Thranduil.

“I swear on all that is holy- yes, I know the answer, Thranduil. This is just something you ask in a letter or in passing when you are next scheduled to see me at some meeting.” Something inside him hoped that the reason the elf had come all this way was that he had just wanted to see him and not to ask a very simple question that could have been answered by a book.

Surely the elven king had an extensive library?

“Sometimes,” Bard began with a defeated sigh, “Humans are not able to carry a child to full term. Sometimes, for whatever reason, the child can die before it is born, that is why we celebrate their birth.” His gaze flicked over to the elf and his heart dropped, Thranduil looked devastated at this information, and he took several minutes to compose himself enough to so that the horror in his expression was no longer visible and he merely looked sorrowful.

“That is awful. It makes a lot of sense to wait before celebrating, and I apologise that I made you speak on such an upsetting situation.” The elf looked extremely uncomfortable as he spoke

“It’s fine, Thran. I’m just still a little vague on the particulars of why you came all the way here to ask me about this.”

“Don’t humans have the saying, curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back?”

“How do you know that saying but do not know… nevermind, in any case, I’m happy to see you.”

“Of course you are.” Such a smug response but Bard let it slide, they had always enjoyed each others company, and regardless of the reason for meeting he always felt better when Thranduil was around.

“I hope I sated your curiosity, cat.” Thranduil arched a dark brow at Bard’s nickname but said nothing of it, though a small smile played at the corners of his mouth as though secretly pleased.

“For now, yes, I will always have more questions.”

“I will try to always answer them for you.”

“Bard, I love you.”