#justjumpalready

I’m so mixed up and confused about you, and what messes me up the most is that I don’t even have the words to explain what I’m feeling.

How do I get through to you? You’re settling instead of fighting because you’re scared. I’ve said it in different ways, I’ve shown you in different ways, but I swear you’re blind and deaf. I love you. And it kills me to hold it in. I don’t know how it will all work out, I don’t know if we will work out. All I do know is that I love you. And I feel like that’s the only thing I need to know. I. Love. You.

You asked me today what I want, and I told the truth, but I told a small part of it. I want you in my life, desperately. I want to be the one you come home to. I want to be the one to show you that you’ve never been loved before. I want to show you that a life with the two of us can be better than the life you’ve dreamt of. I want to watch the kids grow up together, teach them the value of hard work and determination together. I want all of you, even the parts you refuse to give anyone. But at the least, at the very, very least, I just want, no need, you in my life at any measure. My days are lonely without you.

This feeling that keeps drawing us back is known as love, sweetheart. It’s the reason we can’t walk away, even though we think we should. It’s the same feeling coursing between the two of them, but I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you about the texts, the touches, the looks, the secret boards and their hope that we end things with them. I can’t tell you because you’re scared of what you’ll find out, and possibly lose. And I can’t continue talking to you, loving you, while knowing these things and not telling you. I’m so frustrated, with you and them, for being so scared of the truth.

I miss you, you miss me, we’re 15 minutes away and still with the wrong people. I’ve made it clear I’m ready, I’m just waiting on you sweetheart.