#justfunny

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident.In court, the trucking company’s fancy, hot-shot lawyer was questioning Clyde.“Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine’?” asked the lawyer.Clyde replied, “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the—”“I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question, please. Did…

It is impossible to lick your elbow.A crocodile can’t stick it’s tongue out.A shrimp’s heart is in their head.People say “Bless you” when you sneeze because when you sneeze, you’re heart stops for a millisecond.In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so).It is physically impossible…

Mississippi Notes These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John Henry being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33 Please excuse…

A visiting minister was very long-winded. Worse, every time he would make a good point during his sermon and a member of the congregation responded with “Amen” or “That’s right, preacher” he would get wound up even more and launch into another lengthy discourse.Finally, the host pastor started responding to every few sentences with “Amen, Pharaoh!” The guest minister wasn’t sure what that meant,…