When Hyunseo left Seoul, she believed she left everything behind with it. The memories, the people, the sadness, the scars of the past. She believed she moved on and moved into something better. She lived with her brother who did nothing but care for her. But when she saw how tired he looked on nights where they saw each other, she was reminded of her mother and how she too had reddened eyes with dark circles under them. The only difference was he smiled when he looks at her and her mother’s cheek glistened from the tears staining them.
When Hyunseo left Seoul, she left her mother with it and the thought of it was like a strike to the heart. She was reminded of her mother and father whenever a special occasion came around. It was Hyunseo’s birthday a few days ago and she remembered how much her mother did so much on that day when it wasn’t needed. She would wake up early in the morning to make seaweed soup and her other favorite meals. She would play music and gift her with accessories and call her a princess... But that was long ago.
Now, she stepped off the bus and walked towards the cemetery that wasn’t too far of a walk from there. This isn’t the first time going there alone. Hyunseo would visit there at times, lying to the owner about a family member who rested there. In reality, she found comfort in believing her mother and father were in the graves she mourns in because it was easier to believe than to realize she was so far away.Â
The man opened the gate for her and she walked deep into the area in order to avoid the eyes of the men working there and to be alone with her thoughts. She resided in a beautiful marble headstone with a similar one besides it, having the same last name as well. Hyunseo paid no mind to it and instead gave a few formal bows before sitting down in front  of it, lowered head and drowned into thoughts.
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Trust is almost a necessity for Hyunseo. After being hurt in the past, she had long period of time where she was afraid of people (men more than others) because she was afraid of what they would do to her because people are capable of anything and she experienced that. One form of her recovering is having the ability to trust people from the get-go because it was a form of showing them and herself that she isn’t pushing them away and she is not guarding herself because of her fears. She becomes open to them and hoping that it becomes easier for her to form relationships she had lost in the past and to bring herself back to how she originally felt about others and the world.
After being abandoned by his older brother over a decade ago, Taehyun grew up to be a guy with hard trust issues. He doesn’t truly trust anyone, with the main thought that they will all leave eventually, so what’s the point. The idea of being known inside out by someone is one of his greatest fears, although he is slowly opening up to his best friend more and more, at the point he doesn’t have anything to hide from him (really). That being said, his current greatest fear is being abandoned, again. This time, by his best friend / roommate – because if his brother, the guy who shares the same blood as him, left him when he was only a child, what can guarantee anyone else wouldn’t do the same?
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[ October 2, 2015, 11:46 PM ]
Usually Soorin loved the cold. It meant that her birthday was getting closer and though she was the one that ended up having to make seaweed soup for herself because there was no one else to do it, she still enjoyed the day. She took it off every year, no matter when it fell. She would visit her mother, spend lunch with her and then spend dinner with her father. It was a nice day, a reminder that she had managed to pull through for another year. A celebration of successfully getting through another year without breaking apart and another year of taking care of her responsibilities at home. And this year it seemed like it was going to be even better. She had taken her father home for the first time in forever. For the first time, when she came back to the house she wasn’t the only one there. For the first time in years, she had a reason to call out that she had returned because there was someone waiting for her to come back. And her father was always waiting.
There was nothing different that day. Her whole day had gone pretty much the same way any other day did and instead of working later, she decided to close up and come back early. As soon as she stepped into her hall, a cold draft caught her and she pulled her sweater closer. The cold never bothered her and yet for some reason it seemed to chill her. They said that there was a specific sense that people had before something bad happened. Maybe it was to warn them for what was to come, the natural fight or flight instinct telling them to run when they had the chance. And maybe she should have run but instead she brushed it off and took steps towards the apartment. Opening the door, she called out, hesitantly and for a few seconds there was nothing but silence. Everything else happened in a rush. Sh saw her father on the ground, and was completely paralyzed for a moment before she called for help, doing everything she had been taught to do in this situation. There was a pulse, he was still alive.Â
[ October 3, 2015, 3:23 AM ]
It was taking too long. She was pacing like crazy back and forth and all she could think was that it was taking them too long. Soorin didn’t know what was going on inside, but that sinking feeling, the pit in her stomach, it wouldn’t leave. She never contacted him. Not really. One message would go out every month when the money he sent them arrived to let him know that they received it. One message would go out during holidays to wish him a good day. They were never personal, they were never long. She wasn’t looking to disturb her brother from what he was doing when she knew it was important and when she knew that already having to give up his earnings must have been a burden on his shoulders. So her fingers just tapped needlessly against the black screen.Â
But more minutes passed and she was getting anxious with each second that brought her no update. They should have been done by now. So her phone was turned on in that moment because the pit grew deeper and she needed someone to tell her that it would be okay. She needed someone to say that everything was going to be fine and that she need not worry. Soorin was strong, she could do it for herself most of the time. For yeras she had been strong for herself, been her own source of comfort. But in that moment, she couldn’t do it. Her fears were taking a hold of her and she just needed reassurance from someone. Why the message went to him she didn’t know. Maybe because he would understand the reason she was scared? Maybe because it of course involved him as well. Or maybe it was because she was too young when this happened to their mother but he had lived through this once before. So maybe in that moment, she really did need her big brother that knew what this was like because it was a first for her.Â
[ text → oppa ] : Appa collapsed today. The doctors said he’s in critical condition. They’ve been inside for too long and I haven’t gotten any updates about what’s going on in the OR. He was fine just yesterday and I don’t know what to do. [ text → oppa ] (unsent) : But I’m scared. For the first time, I’m really scared for him.
