#junhoerk

it is, of course. he should have known. sungwoon’s pretty new to the world of survival shows, but even he expected something like this to happen eventually. he just didn’t think it would be now. he’s stressed enough as it is; the last thing he wants to do is choose between talented people who all deserve to be here. it’s too bad this interview doesn’t seem to be optional. swallowing his protests, he takes a seat and stares down at the pictures spread over the table. “i really don’t think i’m qualified to pick who’s the most talented in anything,” he shrugs, passing a hand over the pictures of his former teammates. “i hope nobody takes my opinion seriously; i’m just going with my gut here.”

the staff ask him about the most talented dancer first, and without a moment of hesitation, he picks up kim jinhee’s picture and turns it towards the camera with a smile. “listen, i know this might seem predictable seeing as we were on a team together, but i genuinely think jinhee is a fantastic performer. she’s always in complete control of the stage, and you really can’t take your eyes off her when she’s performing.” maybe sungwoon is making a general statement about a very personal feeling here, but he knows his eyes, at least, follow her the most during her stages.

“i think she’s also insanely creative too; when we were on the same team, she basically put together our whole stage on her own—the concept, the individual choreography, everything.” one of the staff members raises an eyebrow and sungwoon splutters over whatever he was going to say next, letting the picture fall from his hands. his face is the slightest bit warm, but he’ll blame it on the seoul heat if anyone asks. “she’s a pretty overlooked dancer in the competition too,” he continues after a pause, clapping his hands together. “so please pay attention to her! support kim jinhee!”

it takes him longer to settle on his rapper pick. before revealing the picture, sungwoon clears his throat. “i don’t know anything about rap,” he says frankly. “i don’t listen to it and i haven’t worked with many rappers in the competition so far either, so this isn’t really based on anything.” as he finishes, he turns the picture around to reveal kim mingyu. “i like mingyu’s tone and flow from what i’ve heard, and i think he has a lot of hidden potential. he’s also a really good kid who works hard to improve himself.”

but again, he knows nothing about rap, so his choice is entirely motivated by personal sentiment. sungwoon sets the picture down and leans forward. “i don’t think mingyu has been able to show everything he can do yet in this competition, so i hope he gets a chance to move forward and showcase his skills. mingyu, fighting!”

if his selection for most talented rapper took a while, choosing a singer takes even longer. when a staff member politely asks him to hurry up, sungwoon lets out a sheepish laugh while shuffling through a couple of pictures. “i actually do have some experience here, so i’ll be a little bit more picky. sorry.” he finally ends up with three picks and refuses to go down to a single one (“all these are important for different reasons! don’t do this to me!”). “for best singers, i think kim yongsun has a powerful voice and good control. i would listen to her sing ballads or drama osts or even rock songs. she’s versatile and can suit many genres.” he trades yongsun’s picture for lee luda’s next. “luda’s voice is just a pleasure to listen to, simple as that. i think she would do really well in a girl group with her visuals and personality too.”

his final pick for singer is koo junhoe. “i think our vocal tones are opposites, but he’s very skilled and i’ve been enjoying the way he’s utilized his falsettos during the competition.” when the staff member asks why he didn’t pick himself as one of the best singers, sungwoon blinks, then bursts into laughter. “oh man, no way. i don’t think i would put myself on that list in a million years.” he doesn’t want to say more than that on camera, but he fidgets with the rip in his pants for the rest of the interview, unable to shake off the unease that spread through him at the question.

as for who sungwoon thinks will win the competition? “i really don’t know,” he replies honestly. it changes week to week, and who he would have named last week is seeming pretty uncertain now. “i think any of the people i already mentioned could win, but if i’m being truthful, i don’t think being the most talented in any catagory will help you secure the win in the end. if you don’t have a strong balance of skills…” he shrugs, staring off at something in the distance. one of the staff have to gently nudge him to get him back on track. “ah, right.” sungwoon scans through more of the pictures and selects a few people he feels have what it takes. “i pick kim junmyeon, of course. he’s charismatic and a fair singer. i think out of everyone here, he’s probably the most solid contender for the ideal ‘idol’ type.”

next is jung jinsoul, and sungwoon holds her picture up for the camera with both hands. “jinsoul’s a really good singer, a decent dancer, and she’s got a great personality. she could really shine if given the chance, and i think she could be exactly what the ceos are looking for in a trainee.” he’s reluctant to put it down because he wants to give jinsoul as much screentime as possible. “i can’t find her picture, but i hear there’s been a lot of buzz around kim hyuna as well. she’s probably a strong contender.”

finally, sungwoon picks up one last picture with a grin and unveils it with a flourish. “and kang daniel!” he lets out a short, loud cheer for his friend before laughing at himself and turning back to the camera. “i know some people out there think he’s just lucky, but daniel is really talented and he’s more than proved himself up on stage. i hope people will keep an open mind about him and recognize his hard work. i’m looking forward to him surprising all the people who doubt him and taking the whole thing.”

he sits down slowly, eyeing all the images with an unreadable expression before looking straight ahead at the camera. “you’re going to make me pick, huh?” he flashes a knowing smile, shaking his head and chuckling under his breath. he really... really  does not want to do this. especially considering this is his first week back on the show, he doesn’t really think his opinion has much validation. but this is a broadcasted show, and he supposes that’s exactly what they intend on giving people-- a show. “okay well. ask away.”

best singer

jaewon purses his lips, worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth as his hand hovers over all the photos. he doesn’t know many singers on the show-- in fact, he doesn’t know very many people at all. he suspects this gives him more credibility, in the fact that he’s judging purely on what he’s seen, as if he were a viewer. he picks up two photos, turning them around to show koo junhoe and kang daniel. “these two. their performances are good,” he pauses, “their voices are unique as well.”

best dancer

he stares at the table full of images once more, placing the first two off to the side. he studies the table meticulously until he finds the photo he’s looking for, triumphantly holding up the picture of kim jei. “i think this one is obvious-- even though it’s an opinion still, of course. but i think her talent is apparent. she always puts on a good stage,” he nods. “this one, i’ll be honest, contains a bit of bias,” he admits with a sheepish grin. “but,” he continues, hand reaching out and finding another, holding up kim bora, “in an unbiased opinion, bora is up there in dancing talent too.” he stacks their photos and puts them aside as well, already knowing what’s coming next and reaching out to the photo he’s already spotted.

best rapper

“kim taehyung,” jaewon states, holding the picture up for the camera to see. “i think he’s one to be reckoned with. he’s got a nice tone overall, and i think he’s one to watch out for.” this is the section he’s a little more critical about-- but he picks up another photo and turns it around as well. “and kim hyuna. this one’s a no-brainer, huh?” he gives wry smile, neatly stacking them both and putting them with his other picks, just for organization. he leans back in the chair, hands clasped together as he hums, knowing this part probably won’t be aired but deciding to say it anyway. 

“there are definitely people already eliminated that i would’ve chosen. also, there is an immense amount of talent this season-- and i’m saying this as a contestant. i think anyone has a good chance of winning.”

the interviewer raises an eyebrow at this, and next they ask

“well, you should pick one. who, in your honest opinion, do you think could win it all?”

halfway through this question, jaewon’s hand is already poised at the ready. he picks up one last photo, holding it to him before he turns it around to show the camera to show the face of min yoongi. “as a viewer,” he starts, slowly deliberating each sentence, “i’m always drawn into his performances. his dancing is amazing, of course, and his other skills are on par, in my opinion. also, i don’t think being eliminated once should discredit him either,” he sets the photo down, licking his lips before he stares straight into the camera and offers a small smile. “i think it means he is one to pay attention to even more.”

he finishes like that, standing up to bow at the camera crew, the interviewer, as well as the camera, and takes his leave without another word.

mentioned: 

each week never fails to surprise kyungri, she’s never really been one for surprises though. she, like every other contestant, depart from the stage one by one only to then have themselves pick and choose from a selection of songs, separated into three categories: singing, dancing and rapping. kyungri inhales momentarily; pursing her lips as she is forced to make a rather sudden decision. no opportunity to sleep on this one, sadly. while a part of her wants to go ahead and do a dance number, those categories seem pretty full up so that leaves kyungri with only one other choice. she is a strong vocalist after all, so she hasn’t too much to worry about. or so she hopes. but somewhere in the fine print, it’s revealed that this week isn’t so much about teamwork and being a team player, but showing your capabilities in the position you’ve chosen. the strongest will thrive while the weak perish and kyungri knows too well that now isn’t the time to give up.

it was another week of being amongst new faces, but thankfully, some faces kyungri was already acquainted with. it made things a little easier. the group come together and decide on a name, crystalline, which is fitting considering they’re taking on a classic; love in the ice. it’s a ballad and it’s emotional, and it is certainly within kyungri’s ball park; she knows that much. whenever and if ever she finds herself doubting her abilities, she thinks back to her audition and the fact that she got through, onto this show by showcasing her ability to sing. maybe this is the week to be a bit down about everything, but it isn’t the week to accept defeat by any means. kyungri finds herself mainly practising with sungyeol and soojin, but she does her best to check in with the others when it’s appropriate to do so. she’s somewhat in denial about not having to learn a dance along with learning the song; it almost seems as though that is the ongoing pattern, now seemingly broken. kyungri isn’t going to complain though, the change of routine is actually nice.

this week does take a little more work than one might expect, there is a lot of teamwork involved with singing a song such as love in the ice; harmonising and looking, sounding emotive. giving off the correct emotions while singing a song such as this one is crucial. kyungri touches base with those she has to actually sing with, that being seola and bin. she works with them closely to ensure that their voices will work well together, given the fact that the team had devised a line distribution. kyungri was impressed with the lines given to her, and while it felt as though she had some amount of responsibility, she felt grateful that her teammates had trust in her to deliver.

showtime miraculously comes quicker than kyungri would of liked. the week really does flow by when you’ve got your head down, working your shit out, together. kyungri felt confident though, as she always did. she always went into these things feeling somewhat apprehensive and uneasy, coming out feeling a wave of relief, and hope, that everything would be okay in the end. they had worked together and done what they could as a group with what they had and the time they had been given, now all they had to do was put on a good show and convince everyone that they were worthy. well, not exactly that. kyungri is still on edge over the fact that while they are going head to head against the other vocal team, that they’re also going for each-others necks. they have to out-do eachother in the end, and that is the sad reality of the competition.

it dwells on kyungri that she has never gone first before, or second for that matter. one of the only perks of placing in last place is the fact that you have the advantage to see what you’re up against. kyungri and team crystalline are up second, following the team performing amazing kiss, although then it also dwells on her that this week; rappers and dancers aren’t her competition. so maybe she and the others are still in luck. after having had opportunity to sit and watch the other team perform, the group gather backstage to give eachother their compliments, telling one another to break a leg and do their best. together, they gather on stage to introduce themselves in unison, as team and then individually. as kyungri takes her place on stage, she holds her microphone in her hands, taking in deep breaths, closing her eyes for a moment as she always did before each and every performance. to live in the moment is the most important skill she had learnt as an idol, to be present while performing and enjoy every second of what you do.

soojin kindly opens the song, only then does kyungri come through and follow up with her own lines. she sings clearly, her voice is stable and doesn’t stray from what is expected. kyungri’s hand gently falls to her side as she sings her last word, falling from her stomach. although the expression on her face doesn’t stray; it’s hard to describe, it’s emotive and fitting. she really does enjoy being present on stage without the commotion of doing a dance routine. it truly is nice to be able to stand there and listen to people sing, it takes her back to better days. bin sings, and then soojin and junhoe together; give it a bit of time and then kyungri finds herself harmonising with sungyeol, she looks down the line towards him, her eyes looking into his. 

kyungri takes this as an opportunity to connect with her teammates, perhaps this will be the only chance she, or they get. maybe she had been a little absent in the midst of their training but for a while now, perhaps she feels a little bit guilty. all kyungri knows is that she is here in the moment with them and that she is thankful she’s had opportunity to stand here and sing with them. it’s then her and bin’s turn to sing together, and she too looks down the line at him, still upholding the fitting look for an emotional song like such. her stray hand moves from her stomach to grip the microphone, rings and the many diamante’s on her nails twinkling beneath the stage lights; their voices melt together well, this part of the song is hard-hitting and emotional, but together they get through it and deliver what they had to.

the song is beginning to draw to a close, and the final verse is sung by not one of them but as a whole, the entire team come together as one to finish the song. no one tries to over power or outshine anyone else, and in the moment, they truly sound good together; it was as they had practised, as they had hoped their performance would turn out. kyungri looks out into the crowd before closing her eyes, challenging every bit of emotion and energy that she had into perfecting what could be her last performance. what if the judges perceived her as a weak singer? would she be going home? maybe they would give her a reason as to why she isn’t ready, despite the fact that she’s been telling herself repeatedly each and every week that she has never been more ready in her entire life. the song closes with the entire group harmonising together, the ah’s solidifying their performances end and their time on the stage being over.

on the FIRST DAY, jei thinks she’s right to have the desire to quit because all they encounter are problems.

not in the way that they interact, really - as much as jei dislikes the idea of being thrust into a group of boys she doesn’t know, they’re really not all that bad.  but it’s more in the way that the group is made up.  they don’t have a rapper, and literally no one but her can dance.  it’s a team of vocals in a world that requires more than that, and she knows better than to assume that they’ll just slide by because someone can hit a high note.  for now though, those problems seem to be pushed aside in lieu of deciding a group name, and icebreakers for “ team spirit” or something of the like.

jei committed to this, so she involves herself in their games but in the meantime, she’s thinking of everything that needs to be done.  choosing chaos’ fiction as a song was as good of a choice as they could get, but there’s more work to do than not and she’s still not sure how they’ll get by with only a single dancer on the team.  they’re already cutting out all of the rapping because none of them can rap to save their lives only to add in a dance break with an instrumental recorded by sungwoon, junhoe, and minhyuk.  which also means it’s up to her to make a choreography that’s better suited to the group, which means it’s up to her to deal with more than half of the creativity.

it’s the first time she’s put together a stage at all, let alone on her own.  but the group is counting on her, even if it’s only in her mind.

wrapped in her thoughts like this, she almost misses the way that they slide into trying to decide a group name for themselves until she hears ... the bobs.  her voice is deadly serious when she says, “ there is no way that i’m going to be a bob.  pick something else.”  it distracts her for a moment from thinking of the stage itself, becoming more active in the group activity.  she knows that their name has to be impactful, and one to be remembered.  the bobs, the jacks - jei and the boyz - these just won’t cut it.

“ you have to think about what you want to show.” she says finally, pulling her knees to her chest and staring around at all of them.  donghyun pipes up quietly when he says something dynamic, and being the youngest of their group, she can almost understand why he’s so quiet.  but it’s a good idea, and generally everyone agrees on dynamic - with a q, just to sound cool, in sungwoon’s words.

she relents, and goes back to thinking.  compromise is an important part of team building.  jei learned that a long time ago.

by the THIRD DAY, it’s time for a group meeting.  she’s been coming to the practice room late at night and spending most of the daylight hours in kt with the four boys, and although at first she thinks that it probably would have been better for her to quit, maybe they’re not so bad.  junhoe has gotten stressed, she’s seen it in his face and the way he looks at her when she makes him run through the choreography again, and again until he gets it right.  but even if she’s asked him to talk about it, he told her it’s just getting to him, that it’ll be fine.  since then, there’s been less and less problems as time goes on.  all the boys have expressed struggle with the fact that they have to dance but - .. they’ve still been doing their best, and that’s all that jei can ask of them at this point.  

but they still have some things to decide on - the leader, the introduction.  little things that jei doesn’t think matters much when there’s still so much work to do to make things perfect, but still need to be hammered down regardless.

she only feels responsibility on her shoulders when the other boys suggest that she should be the leader, considering all the work she’s been putting into the choreography to help them along and make them shine regardless of their ability.  it takes a moment for her to respond to it, staring at them - because now the feelings of making sure that they’ll succeed has only ever multiplied now that she’s been named their leader.  now that she’s someone for them to follow, it’ll be on her if something goes wrong and one of them is eliminated.

so she’ll just have to make sure that this doesn’t happen.  we’ll just have to show a performance worthy of number one.  this is her thought process.

which begins with introductions.  jei’s never really been one for the cutesy introductions that everyone on this show makes, with sungwoon’s tiny giant comment whizzing around somewhere like a fly that makes her crinkle her nose or any number of the other attention grabbing tactics from different contestants she’s seen through the second episode.  all to her that matters is that the audience knows who she is, who they are - what’s so wrong about just saying your name?

apparently, she’s wrong on that.  apparently, she needs to quote unquote, “ work on her brand.”  jei scoffs and says that her face is her brand, but it still unsettles her just a little to know that she has to cater every part of herself to people who don’t really matter to her in the long run.  this show is just a show to her, it’s not something to win when there are more people than her who want it.  taking the advice is a hard pill to swallow, but she puts it aside for now in lieu of deciding a group introduction instead.

it’s something simple enough, a little triangle made with their hands held in front of their chests while they each bark their team name in unison.  “ do we really want to show off a sign of the illuminati?” she mumbles, eyes sweeping the boys after donghyun mentions that they could be if that’s what their symbol is.  they all seem amused enough, though, and jei takes it that she’s been out voted on this too.  it’s not so much a problem as a worry of her own - after all, she has money.  no one here seems to know that, though, and it’s not something she’ll announce on air like that daughter of the innisfree ceo.  but as leader, it’s jei’s responsibility to explain their choice in team name before she introduces herself - of which she still has to decide a way to catch the audience’s attention.

she still doesn’t know why it matters much.  after all, the team comes before her.  they always have.

THE NIGHT BEFORE the performance, jei makes sure to treat the boys to a good dinner.  maybe their little games of team spirit have gotten to her though she won’t admit to growing soft for them, but she still thinks it’s a good idea to boost morale.  as a leader.  after all, everyone has had a tiring week - learning so much, about music and dance and each other.  to think that it will come to a close tomorrow seems both far away and too close at the same time.

as they eat, jei deflects the more personal questions, like if she can afford this or how she’s feeling right now.  in truth, she still doesn’t really know how she feels, but there’s still the desire in her to make sure that they succeed - she is always full of cryptic answers when she simply says, “ i have enough money.” she doesn’t feel the need to put her family business on air, especially when the cameras are probably swallowing everything they’re doing right now. “ and i’ll be able to tell you better how i feel if we come in first.”

there’s a pause and jei looks around at the four of them.  “ i don’t think there will be a group like us.” she finally says, a rare but thin smile gracing her lips.

it’s just a moment of peace.  a calm before the storm.

when THE FILMING BEGINS, jei still isn’t sure how she feels besides the confidence that her team will show a performance that will surprise everyone in the audience - and hopefully the ceos, too.  it would be good if their hard work for this week is recognized, and if it isn’t, she’d rather be the one sent home.  after all, she’s the one who put together most of it - it wouldn’t be the fault of the boys for listening to her.

the truth is, jei doesn’t believe that they’ve worked much harder than anyone else sitting here and watching these stages, but she does believe they’ve managed to produce something a little more different in comparison.  though she says nothing amidst the chatter of her group when others go before them, jei’s still watching.  she’s still keeping an eye out - after all, these groups are all of their competition.

she doesn’t admit to herself that even within the group, they’re all competing against each other, too.  with the way that the week has gone, it really doesn’t feel that way at all.

they go through the teams one by one, but they’re the second to last to perform.  this doesn’t bother her much, but she’s sure that it would leave anxiety dancing in the stomachs of those without much confidence, who watch all the bright contestants shining in their element before them.  but she knows that they’re not in a place of worry, because they’ve prepared.  they’ve come ready to dominate the stage, in their own ways.

when team h is finally called for standby, jei mumbles a few words of praise and encouragement that she won’t allow the cameras to hear as much as they likely tried.  after all, there are no secrets on a show like the mgas, but with enough practice, there are a few quiet moments.  it’s a blessing in disguise considering the show is just so loud.

and then, it’s their time to shine.  jei leads the boys, throwing her eyes over the audience though she can’t quite make out any of their faces since it’s bright onstage, but dark amongst the seats.  their introduction is the simple triangle, still - she wonders just how many comments about the illuminati she’s going to end up reading after this episode airs.  when she’s allowed to speak, she does - “ as a team, we chose our name because we wanted to show a sound and a stage that always changes so it will catch your eye.  i’m team dynamiq’s leader, #4011 kim jinhee - and i need no introduction, because my dance is my brand.” 

saying those words aloud feels just a little silly, but at least it’s something.  her eyes trail to the team as they each introduce themselves and then it’s time for it - the actual stage.  the performance.  what they’ve spent this entire week preparing for.

without any rappers, they’ve had to be a little more creative with the song itself; cutting and rearranging and adding little bits here and there.  somewhere along the line, it was suggested that they add an instrumental at the beginning to make up for the lack of a rapper and the idea that some of the boys would be the ones recording the instrumental was set in place.  they decided on tchaikovsky’s romeo and juliet fantasy overture, for its bleak, yet hopeful sound.  here is where jei makes her grand entrance - the boys are off to the side sitting or standing around a table, while she has a small dance break.

the dress flows and brushes along the skin of her calves as she moves along in time with the music - thirty seconds isn’t very long, but it can feel like a lifetime as a solo dancer.  all eyes are watching her on stage as she lays the scene - a lonely girl, dependent on the magic within her to bring her statues to life.

another reason they chose to start with an instrumental is to allow for shock value.  when no one knows what song they’ll really be performing, it’ll surprise the audience as they hear the first notes of their beloved classic start to play.  hopefully it’s the reaction that they’re hoping for as fiction starts to sound out through the speakers.  somehow, she was the one that landed with the first lines of the song as well, which helped to play out more of her dance solo. 

i still can’t forget you i still can’t trust everything even today i can’t send you away like this.

the song itself is one that speaks to her in a number of ways, but none that she’d ever speak aloud.  the stage is made up of cold lighting and gentle fog, until the actual story begins.  her job as the main character of this stage is to give the boys life as they each go through their parts.  first it’s donghyun, then it’s sungwoon and on down the line until they’re all standing a little ways away from the table so none of the less inclined dancers have the chance at bumping into it.  

each of the boys were meant to simulate shedding their statuesque statures through jerky movements - easy enough, when none of the group has much experience in dancing and still showing the story through the dance.  when the final chorus comes around, substituting the final rap, there’s a beat or two of silence before junhoe starts to sing.  they couldn’t completely cut out the original choreography, and here is where they all dance together, as one - the iconic dance for fiction, with jei at front center.

but it’s all in vain, as the next line she sings expresses hopelessness.

right now i’m writing such a happy story but it is all just a wish still

this tells the audience there won’t be a happy ending.  as each of the boys sing their final lines, they freeze, turning back to the stone that they once were.  jei’s face expresses confusion, concern - her body turning with her back to the audience to see each of the boys frozen in their positions.  she backs up a few steps and falls to the ground despairingly as she sings her final line - 

there is no end

he really likes his new team, despite only knowing one of them from a previous team. even won, who doesn’t say too much, but taehyung probably speaks enough for the both of them. he’d voted won for leader as well, thinking he could potentially be a good leader, but in the end, it goes to sicheng, which is also fine with taehyung.

there’s also chungha, whom taehyung gets along with immediately. they brainstorm ideas for the team, coming up with their team name and individual names together. he’d also jumped into her relay on accident, embarrassing himself and laughing with chungha before scurrying away. he’s embarrassed enough to forget to do his own relay, but he’s okay with that.

outside of that, the week goes pretty smoothly. working with an extra person is a bit harder, as they have to adjust to different choreography and worry about another person in the performance, especially with line distribution as well, but it goes well. taehyung gets a decent portion, as the main rapper on the team, and the dance isn’t incredibly hard.

friday comes, and they’re all ready, adorned with new stage names and fancy clothes. taehyung in particular has an interesting fashion sense, walking on stage with his team and taking the center position. he’s wearing a long, leopard print fur coat, tinted glasses and a beret, grinning wildly. it’s incredibly hot, especially considering they’re going for a summer concept, but he’ll be taking it off soon enough. he introduces the team before they get into individual introductions, with a bit of added flare.

“we are,” he rolls his shoulders, shrugging the coat off of himself in a dramatic flourish to reveal his outfit underneath, “olympus!” he calls loudly, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt, in an attempt to keep down his giggles. the coat gets tossed to won, before he introduces himself, “and i’m apollo!”

then, they’re getting into position, ready to start their performance. he’s in the back most of the time, with junhoe, letting the better dancers shine in the front. it’s only fair, of course. he’s improving in dancing, but he’s still lacking compared to his teammates. even still, the choreography isn’t super hard, so he keeps up pretty well, smiling and scrunching his face up into cute expressions towards the audience when he’s in view ( although, he is taller than the girls, so he’s not completely hidden away ). this performance gives him a chance to show off his cuteness, so he keeps his tongue in check. instead, he continues to smile and show v signs at any chance he gets.

he’s standing behind chungha, watching as her heel breaks, a worried look breaking his smile as she just kicks it off and continues to dance in one heel. taehyung takes care of it, managing to kick the heel further behind them all in the middle of a move. the next thing he notices is her barefoot now, and a quick look over his shoulder shows her other heel at the back of the stage as well. then it’s his turn, and he step towards the center, the others dancing around him.

너 정말 이게 대체 몇 번째인지 넌 날 갖고 저울질하는 건지 나한테 왜 이래 (자꾸만 너) 제발 너 그만 좀 해 (baby no more) 내가 있다 없으니 아쉬운 거니 아쉬운 대로 날 찔러보는 거니 왔다 갔다 하는 네 맘은 뭐니 난 더 줄 게 없어 baby what u need

he raises his voice a bit to fit the tone of the original singer, turning his body slightly to drag his hands up his side, making small circles with his hips. taehyung had been practicing the move most of the week, trying to make it look more fluid. his hand falls towards chungha, the both of them grin as he get to touch her rear. it’s more so to help support her, as she’d lost both of her heels after one broke. at the end of his part, he offers another v sign pose, before the others step in front of him, sending him to the back once more.

sungwoon doesn’t let any of his disappointment show while congratulating his team. part of being a leader means you have to make sure your teammates have confidence in themselves and their own hard work, so he hypes up their survival for all it’s worth. he doesn’t think their rank is a reflection of their shortcomings anyway; everyone did a fantastic job. the fault probably lies with sungwoon, and he accepts responsibility for it. he was the weakest dancer in their group, and maybe that’s where they lost points? either way, it was his job to make sure they shone up on that stage, and while he’s glad he was able to keep his promise to mingyu, he wishes he could’ve delivered more for his team. 

but sungwoon sets it aside for a moment to congratulate daniel. from someone who didn’t want to be here to the winner of the week’s challenge—and with a band concept too! it further affirms sungwoon’s belief that daniel is talented and deserves to be here just as much as everyone else, and that he truly shines when he gets the chance to do what he’s good at. after daniel and his team are done celebrating, sungwoon tackles him in a hug, laughing and pretending not to notice daniel’s tears. “i knew you had it in you,” he says. privately, he hopes the win will help daniel believe in himself more as well. 

if only sungwoon could believe in himself. his earlier confidence stripped, he goes back home after the filming and tosses and turns in bed before giving up on sleep and trudging to the nearest corner store to get some spicy ramen. while he eats, he runs simulations of team f’s performance in his head, attempting to figure where they went wrong or what they could’ve done better. there are too many answers, in the end, and he gives up before he can start feeling worse about himself. as leader, he should have—

but he’s not the leader anymore. tomorrow, he meets a new team and starts fresh. it’s a little terrifying; sungwoon isn’t the biggest fan of rapid change, but then again, he should’ve kept that in mind before he joined this competition. there’s nothing he can do except force himself to adapt to the circumstances and do his best. sungwoon might’ve been the weak link in his team last time, but he refuses to fall into the same complacency this week. if he works his ass off and plays to his strengths, maybe he’ll avoid ending up in the same position (or worse). 

if it doesn’t work out—well. that’s something else. 

sungwoon doubts this week will be as fun as the last one. there’s more of a learning curve associated with this challenge, more growing pains when it comes to settling in with team a. initially, he thinks he won’t be able to vibe well with them. the whole group intimidates sungwoon; they have two number one winners in junmyeon and rose, with junhoe and somi placing second together. all strong candidates, all people to watch for, while sungwoon is… not. calling it an inferiority complex would be going too far, but he’s definitely afraid of fading into the background during their performance.

he remains muted during their first meeting, not really speaking much at the beginning. with a new team comes a new building to practice in as well. all he knows of royal entertainment is sayyes, and the new practice room is strange after spending two whole weeks in the kt building. fidgeting in his seat, he looks pretends to be fascinated by his new surroundings to get away from the awkwardness. once they actually start talking, it’s a different story. everyone in team a is pretty nice and sungwoon feels foolish for assuming the worst of them. like him, they’re also people trying to do their best to survive in this competition.

loosening up considerably after that, he makes more of an effort to be involved. the first (almost amusing) obstacle they hit is that of the team leader. junmyeon, junhoe, rose, and sungwoon have all held the position before, which means the title falls on their youngest, somi. she seems a little panicked at the prospect, but the rest assure her they’ll be here to support and help out if she starts feeling overwhelmed. sungwoon feels a sharp pang of sympathy for her; it’s a lot to put on a kid’s shoulders on top of the competition itself. the rules are a bit cruel in this regard, but there’s nothing they can really do about it.

song selection comes next. they grab a couple of mashups off the internet to choose from: one is a combination of bts’ save me and mamamoo’s starry night, and the other is a combination of sistar’s i like it, twice’s heartbreaker, and red velvet’s rookie. neither tracks are really to sungwoon’s taste. truthfully, he’d want to do something like a ballad or, more dangerous but more satisfying as well, a rock song, but he decides to conform for the sake of the team and votes for save me and starry night. it’s not ideal, but he thinks it’s the more vocally interesting song of the two choices and is relieved when it wins out.

rose offers to work on the choreography with somi’s help, and sungwoon’s grateful for that. the majority of their team aren’t dancers and couldn’t pull off anything close to bts’ choreography, so adjustments are necessary. while that gets worked out, sungwoon focuses on learning the vocal parts. once again, he lost out to junhoe for the main vocal position, the same thing having happened in team dynamiq previously. he honestly doesn’t mind—junhoe is the better singer and sungwoon has no problems with the line distributions. if he wants to fight for a position like that, he’s just going to have to work harder and hone his skills.

while rehearsing, sungwoon slides over to junmyeon and, with an embarrassed laugh, asks the man for his autograph “for my sister in hong kong.” she’s only been asking sungwoon to get this since episode one aired, and while he’s been too intimidated by junmyeon to ask before, he has no excuse not to when they’re in a team together. surprisingly, junmyeon reacts shyly to the request, which throws sungwoon for  loop—he always imagined junmyeon, at least, would be used to the attention, but he’s just as embarrassed as sungwoon while giving the autograph. sungwoon laughs and asks him to throw an extra one in signed to sungwoon as well. he’s sure it’ll be worth a lot someday.

the choreography is, once again, the hard part of the week’s performance. sungwoon’s pleased to discover he isn’t the worst dancer of the group, but he’s not the best of them either. in order to make up for that, he spends every moment he can practicing, even sleeping overnight in the practice room to minimize the commute from his house to the royal building. he’s pretty sure his housemates might burn down their home in his absence, but the stakes are high this week and the expectations even higher. sungwoon even comes fully prepared, packing a pillow and his favorite pokemon blanket to bust out during the night.

junmyeon becomes his partner in dance-related struggles, his comrade in incoordination. rose and somi are helpful when it comes to learning the dance, but most of his jokes are shared with junmyeon, since he’s the one who can truly understand sungwoon’s pain here. most days, they practice right into the night in order to not bring the team down and do their parts right. one night, they just fall asleep next to each other, both too tired to even think about leaving.

the following morning, sungwoon’s woken up by a scream; somi, having come in early to set up, is shocked to find junmyeon and sungwoon asleep side by side. still bleary eyed, he yells instinctively and darts upright into a crouch vaguely resembling some kind of martial arts stance at the thought of an intruder, but it’s just their baby leader, as he’s taken to calling her.

sungwoon rubs his eyes and tries to flatten his hair while apologizing, but junmyeon doesn’t seem to be making the same efforts, instead shooting him a wink and finger guns while looking sleepy and yet effortlessly good. sungwoon feels cheated. robbed. hoodwinked. he stares into the camera like he’s on the office and says “did i ask for this? no. am i getting it? yes. am i slightly jealous god has not given me the ability to wink? also yes.” he gets the junmyeon hype now, he does. dude is just that handsome and charismatic.

the day before filming, sungwoon ducks out for a couple of hours to get his hair dyed. it’s something he’s always wanted to try after coming to seoul but could never work up the nerve to. now is as good a time as any, though, and he goes for a bold color: red. cherry red, in fact, but the descriptor just makes him think of team fresh n’ fruity. he misses them, truly. especially cherry yerim, who he learned had dropped out of the competition for personal reasons. part of him panicked at first—was it because of him? was it because they’d come in fourth?—but she’s doing what she has to and he’s proud of her for making such a difficult decision. he tries to stay in touch with the rest as much as he can, and though they’re all busy, they promise to meet up soon.

team f would’ve definitely made fun of his new hairdo, or the fact that sungwoon seriously suggested wearing jorts on stage during their performance. team a is kinder and don’t tease him about his sudden hair color change (no ronald mcdonald jokes, at least). by the end of the week, he’s relaxed more into his group, and while it’s not the fast friendships and good times of team f, sungwoon genuinely likes these people too. they’re not so different from him, and he feels dumb for thinking they were at first. he’s truly honored to have gotten the chance to work with them, and they’re in this together, for better or for worse

unlike previous fridays, sungwoon’s team is up first to perform. he’s too used to waiting till the end of the show to take the stage that he almost forgets and manages to make it onstage just in time, only a little short of breath from having sprinted to get here. they named themselves ‘team celestial’ to fit with the theme of starry night, and playing off the joke, he introduces himself as the contestant with the angelic voice. it’s a little weird, standing up here showing a different face than he usually does. his hair color has faded a little from the vibrant firetruck red to a more subdued garnet, brushed back and styled up to #freetheforehead. he’s wearing pink too, a far cry from usual fair (especially if you count empty enigma), but it suits the theme and sungwoon feels good in it. 

he feels good about this performance too. sungwoon doesn’t want to enter into this doubting himself or his team’s hard work over the course of the week. while it’s true creativity wasn’t their strongest suit, save for maybe rose, they still tried hard to put together a performance worthy of this stage. he’d be doing them a disservice if he got up there alongside them with anything but the fullest of confidence in their abilities. giving his team a nod and a grin, sungwoon takes his position and waits for the music to start. 

sungwoon gets to utilize his lower register more at the beginning, something he hasn’t really been able to during this competition. there’s a lot more to his voice that he hasn’t been able to show at all and hopes he’ll get the chance to before his luck really runs dry and he’s asked to leave. he delivers his lines smoothly, working in tandem with junhoe, his mind running on overdrive as it juggles clean vocals, choreography, and charisma all at once. he’s always going to put his voice above the other two, but working with this versatile group of people has made him reconsider some things too. 

the shadow of the darkness remaining in the deep night drawing out a light

give me your hand save me save me i need your love before i fall, fall

the overlapping chorus is busy, with each vocal getting a part of their own to sing. timing is just as important as delivery here, and no one person should overpower the rest. it’s a tough balance to strike but sungwoon thinks the team does a good job, all the while following the choreography rose made for them. he puts more faith in his dancing that previous weeks; sungwoon’s put in the work and has come to realize that, if he’s not confident in his own moves, other people won’t be receptive to them either. after watching junmyeon practice, he’s also learned how important expressions are, and does more to channel those to the camera and audience than in previous weeks. 

save me save me save me 

save me save me save me

ya ya ya yi ya

save me save me 

the girls are the rappers of this team, and sungwoon finds that really cool—he has limited experience with the genre, but he thinks they do a good job with the material they have. somi, especially, has taken on rapping in addition to vocals and the leader title; he really hopes people see all the hard work she’s put into this team despite being the youngest. he hopes people can support all of them. yes, there are people here who’ve tasted or almost tasted victory before, but now that sungwoon’s seen how much of themselves they give to their performances, he thinks it’s well deserved. no one should make the mistake of thinking they’re coasting because of mnet or anything; they’ve worked their asses off to get here. 

starry night, it’s a starry night you blow over to me

starry night 

starry night

his vocal delivery is more restrained than normal during this performance, since his parts lack the ability to really ‘go off,’ so sungwoon tries to make up for it in his energy and his dedication to the dance and making sure the stage looks good. there’s so much to being an idol that he didn’t realize before, but he’s learning slowly and surely, thanks to the efforts of the people he’s met during this competition. he wants to do well for himself, but also to honor them. he wouldn’t be here—hell, he wouldn’t be able to do this—if it weren’t for all his teammates, former and present. 

( starry night, it’s a starry night you blow over to me ) give me your hand save me save me i need your love before i fall, fall

starry night

starry night

First, a small plush keychain in the shape of a rabbit. It’s roughly the size of one’s hand. To squeeze when you get anxious! I like hugging things when I get worried, so maybe this will help you too. It’s nice and small so you can take him anywhere - optimal squeezing potential! Make sure to tell me what name you give him (or her) ♡ I have a matching pink one too since it was buy one get one… I hope that’s okay? I ended up giving you the white one because I feel like you can take care of it more than I can. If I had the white one he would get dirty very quickly. ( white, pink, both ).

Second, a bundle of daffodils. Some of the petals stick out from the top of the bag. I was told that these flowers are the best for people who have allergies. I don’t know if you’re allergic to flowers, but I wanted to be safe just in case. Runny noses are no fun. Plus, they’re a nice pretty yellow. Hopefully they can help brighten up your day a little.

Third, a portable bluetooth speaker - small enough to fit in the palm of one’s hand, mildly worn. I volunteer at a school for the deaf, and we use speakers like these when we dance. The speakers aren’t the best of quality, but that’s on purpose. For some reason the lower quality speakers vibrate more with the music, and it helps the kids feel the beat (since they can’t hear it as well). Feeling the beat of a song can be particularly relaxing - regardless of whether or not you can actually hear the song or not. Try playing something relaxing on the speaker while holding it in your hand. It might help ground you when you need it.

Fourth, a dog sweater. I saw this the other day. Please give it to Wrinkles and send him my best regards.

Fifth, chocolate (milk). Eating chocolate is nice when you’re feeling a little blue isn’t it? Two years ago I did particularly bad on a mock exam and ate three whole bars of chocolate afterwards. So maybe I got a little sick after that… but while I was eating it, it made me feel a bit better. So relax and enjoy some chocolate, you deserve it.

From, your dongsaeng, Hwang Hyunjin

P.S. I left this with your door man - I hope he gives it to you. If not, to whomever may be enjoying this bag instead, please enjoy it well and make sure not to eat all of the chocolate in one sitting. It’ll give you a stomach ache. 

she isn’t expecting anyone from the front lobby to stop her on her way out the door, but she’s grateful for it.  if jei’s honest, she doesn’t even want to drag herself out of her apartment today, let alone to go back to nova for the second week in a row only to face more disappointment and the realization that she’s going at this alone now.  there isn’t much of anyone left in the competition that she’s grown close to in the time that she’s been on it .. practically all the eliminations last round, although none of them came from her group, stuck her like a knife to the belly.

if jei didn’t want to do this before, she definitely doesn’t want to do it now.  all night long on the friday after jei left the episode filming, the names ran through her head like a bad ache.  junhoe.   daniel.  jaewon.  sungwoon.  yoongi.  donghyun.  guanlin.  kim hyuna.  almost every name called, nine out of ten eliminated contestants - if she was anyone else, she would have been crying.  instead, jei’s blood ran cold, colder; it froze into ice.  she wonders if she looked visibly pale, or as bad as she felt.  she must have.

otherwise, jonghyun wouldn’t have stopped her reeling on the way off the stage just to pull her aside and hug her.  to whisper in her ear that they would want her to be strong.  she doesn’t lift her arms to hug him back, because she can’t.  her body feels far too heavy to bother trying.

jei doesn’t want to be strong anymore.  she just wants to let it go.

back to the present.  she’s eyeing the bag that he places on the counter for her to take, oddly suspicious of it because she’s never seen something given to her in a brown paper bag like this one before.  but upon seeing the handwriting and recognizing it as hyunjin’s after watching him do his homework enough times during practice or late at nights when he crashed at her place, she snatches it up.  it’s surprising, that he would just leave something for her like this.  she almost wonders why he didn’t just stop by to drop it off himself.

maybe it’s just because he wanted to get to practice.  this is the semifinal after all .. and she is competition, as much as she hates this show and this idea that all of her friends didn’t have the talent -

she stops, before she gets ahead of herself and tears up in the front lobby of her building.  it’s a good thing that jei hadn’t eaten this morning, because the stress of forcing herself to keep the feelings down upsets her stomach to the point she wants to be sick.  

to distract herself, she opens the bag quietly, at a table out of the way so that no one who passes by will bother her or she, them.  the first thing she sees are the bouquet of daffodils, and the note that comes attached to them.  she’s always thought of daffodils as something like the sun, grown on earth and maybe, it seems, hyunjin did, too.  he’s always been a thoughtful boy - too caring for his own good.  jei’s always worried that it’ll get him into trouble for caring too much.

the bouquet is carefully placed down on the counter next to her as she begins to pull out the other gifts - the dog sweater, then the stuffed rabbit, the speaker, and finally, the chocolate.  she reads through the notes of each one, growing ever closer to the tears she doesn’t want to shed.  maybe jei should have opened this in the apartment, because there’s a thick, hot stone forming in the back of her throat and hyunjin is just too good for her.

he must have seen how she reacted the night before.  why else would he pack a gift so lovingly assembled in an attempt to make her relax? it doesn’t quite sit right with her, that her face so openly showed the distress that roiled within her - not just last night, but for weeks now.

but even though jei feels like she’s alone, she knows she isn’t.  and though the package is kind in its intent, it’s still not a cure all.  still, though - it’s something.  and that’s something that jei can hang onto.