#junghwan angst

"i'm sorry, okay? i love you and all, y/n ... but this is too much."

junghwan muttered under his breath, sighing deeply as he avoided meeting your eyes.

the two of you sat in the living room of your shared apartment, the air tense with the seriousness of the conversation your boyfriend had started.

“and what exactly is too much?” you stood, taking a step away from him. “you lived in the dorms all this time because of the comeback, and i never complained.”

“y/n, don’t–”

“you come home after a while, and i can’t even approach you because you are pushing me away! what have i done wrong?”

junghwan furrowed his brows. “i just want some time for myself! am i only allowed to have some free time when i’m at the dorms?” he scoffed, annoyed.

“i never said that.”

“well, you didn’t have to.”

you took a deep breath, turning away from your boyfriend. junghwan immediately noticed the distance between the two of you, rushing to stand closer.

“i didn’t mean it like that. i’m sorry,” he apologized. “it’s just been a stressful week, and everything is piling up.”

you shrugged, trying to show you weren’t affected by his words. “okay? so let it out, then. don’t keep it in.” you frowned, crossing your arms over your chest.

an exhausted sigh escaped his lips, brows furrowed as he contemplated his words. he shut his eyes tightly, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“you’ve been too clingy, okay? it’s not necessarily a bad thing.” you knew he was rambling nervously, looking everywhere but you. “but it’s just you are always there, and i just need—"

“a break?” you continued the rest for him, tears pooling in your eyes. “not to be touchy with you? what else do you need? hm?”

junghwan shook his head. “jagiya, please. i–” he trailed off, trying to fix his words.

were fights like this normal? things like this happen in a relationship, right? this has to be something common, yeah?

you filled your mind with positive thoughts, but as you thought about what junghwan said, it was difficult not to break down in sobs.

you forced a smile. “you don’t need to explain yourself, hwan. it’s fine. i understand.” you lied, seeing the way relief flooded his face instantaneously.

what you said was far from the truth. you weren’t fine; not at all. you didn’t even know what you did so wrong.

why was it wrong for you to be clingy when you were meeting your boyfriend after a few weeks?

you couldn’t wonder what went wrong, holding in your tears as you watched junghwan nervously look at you.

his members were always clinging to him, but he never complained. why is he complaining now? did he not feel the same anymore?

various questions ran through your mind, each of them only breaking you down further.

maybe junghwan doesn’t feel the same anymore. maybe he doesn’t love me. maybe we do need to break up.

“you don’t have to apologize, hwan.” you hoped he believed the façade you put up. “i understand.”

you didn’t understand, though — not even the slightest — but you didn’t want junghwan to know that.

after all, you’d never ask for love from someone who was asking for distance.

so junghwan walked into your shared apartment with a relieved smile on his face now that their comeback promotions were finally over.

ah, this is what freedom feels like.

due to his hectic schedules and work stress, junghwan had long forgotten about the conversation you two had a month ago, and he assumed you did too.

he was so busy with his work that he never noticed how little you spoke with him, waving off your generic texts, thinking you were just as busy as him.

and well, you were just as busy as him — not in the sense he thought, though.

you were busy overthinking every single detail of your conversation with junghwan, causing yourself pain by beating yourself up for the little things.

when the brunet walked into the empty apartment — which seemed like it had been empty for days — his hands immediately turned to his phone, contacting you.

“jagiya, where are you?” he asked, settling his bags in the room as he walked around the house. “is everything alright?”

“i was at jinny’s for a couple of days. on my way back now.”

junghwan hummed in response, nodding even though you couldn’t see him. “ah, alrighty. just wondered where you were. you didn’t even text me about it,” he muttered.

"i didn't want to trouble you, hwan-ah. i'll come home soon, okay? bye."

the brunet couldn’t get a word out before the call ended, standing in the silence of your empty apartment. your words stung, and he couldn’t think why you would ever think you’d be troubling him.

you two were dating. it was normal to share your daily activities with each other and–

junghwan froze, the realization hitting him like an asteroid. he had no idea what you had been doing for the past month. he checked his texts with you, realizing you never shared much with him.

just like that, he remembered the conversation you two had a month ago, wondering if that was the reason you kept your distance, not wanting to ‘trouble’ him.

surely, you aren’t thinking about that. we didn’t really agree on a break, did we? what was even the conclusion we came to in that conversation?

junghwan paced around the apartment, stressing himself immensely with various thoughts — just like you had once. he didn’t even notice you enter the apartment, only shifting his attention when you closed the door.

as junghwan greeted you with his infamous grin, there was nothing more you wanted than to flower kisses all over his face, absolutely missing him dearly after a month of not seeing him.

but you held back, even going the mile to block junghwan when he tried greeting you with a kiss.

“i have been outside all day,” you explained, pushing away your boyfriend gently. “it's better if i take a shower first.”

“oh, okay.” junghwan frowned at your excuse, noting the distant look in your eyes. “i’ll order us lunch.”

“mhm, alright.”

so junghwan moved the food around his plate with his chopsticks, replaying the words he wanted to say in his head multiple times.

“you haven’t been saying much, jagiya,” he commented, his voice barely audible. “just a couple of calls and generic texts. is something wrong?”

you shrugged. “not really. you wanted this anyway, right?” you reminded him of the words that stuck with you for the past month.

“huh?”

“i never really let you complete that sentence. what was it you needed? a break? a breakup? which one was it?”

your eyes held no emotion as you spoke, all your tears wasted on the endless nights you had spent crying over the conversation.

“jagiya, what? no!” junghwan’s voice was raised, almost sounding offended. “i don’t want a breakup. never! how could you ever think that?”

“well, that’s what it sounded like to me when you said i was clingy.” you stared at your plate, not wanting to meet your boyfriend’s eyes. “a breakup is an option.”

“no, it’s not. i would–” junghwan was interrupted by the ringing of his phone, ignoring the call as he held your hands. “y/n, please. i don’t want to–”

he was once again interrupted, this time by your phone ringing. you answered the call without a second thought — anything that would make you look away from junghwan’s tear-filled gaze.

“yes, oppa!” you greeted in a cheery tone, as if you weren’t seconds away from a meltdown. “congrats on your comeback, by the way! manifesting a win for you all!”

so junghwan smiled, his heart warming at the thought of you keeping up with his work despite him having hurt you with his words.

“thanks, y/n!” jihoon replied through the phone. “we are having a little party! come over with hwanie before we run out of snacks.”

you chuckled softly. “i won’t be able to make it, but i’ll send hwan over. have loads of fun!” you cheered, smiling as you pulled the phone away, wanting to end the call.

but before you could, junghwan took the phone from your hand, wanting to make things right. “jihoon-hyung? yeah, something important came up. i won’t be able to make it either,” he explained.

junghwan ended the call, placing your phone on the table before taking your hand in his. you wanted to pull away — you really did — but you couldn’t as you looked into your boyfriend’s glossy eyes.

you sighed. “go do your important thing, hwan. don’t waste your time on me. let’s just have this conversation another day,” you said, looking away.

“you are my important thing, y/n. i apologize for acting like shit, but i will correct my mistakes, i swear. i promise, i will make it right.”

taglist — @kflixnet @gyutendo @twntycm @heejojo @jaesvelvet @fightmegirl @koishua @lovethyfandoms2 @kpoprhia @woooooooosh8 @milkybonya @enhacolor @yunho-leeknow @candililac @willdieforbeidou @luvbrie @mui890mew @one16core @soobin-chois @odetoyeonjun @wonluvrbot @acciomylove @idkwatodoanymore @kyufilms @ily-cuz-i @acaiasahi @bobariki @kyuchanie @teuranghae @changmin-wrlds (to be added, please send an ask or dm!)

MASTERLISTS | TAGLIST FORM

© 2023 ALOHAJUN | PLEASE REFRAIN FROM COPYING OR REPOSTING MY WORK WITHIN OR OUTSIDE THIS SITE

“Are you sure you’re not too busy with your guitar lessons with Jeongwoo? I don’t know, you two seemed really close. Maybe you should go talk to him.” he chides, yanking his wrist out of your grasp. At first, confusion and hurt clouds your mind, making it impossible for you to think about what could’ve made him act like this and then you remember. 

“Junghwan… I-” you start to say but Junghwan cuts your explanation short, not wanting to hear about your lessons with Jeongwoo. It was painful enough for him to witness it but for you to tell him about it yourself, he thinks his heart would break in two.

“Forget it. I have to go to class and you should too.” he whispers low enough for you to barely hear him and then he’s gone up the stairs. In your 7 years of being best friends, he’s never acted so cold and distant towards you and now that he has, you never want it to happen again. His few words cut like ice, making you wonder if you did something wrong or if you would ever get a chance to explain yourself. 

As the number of weeks since your encounter increases, so does the number of days it’s been since Junghwan last spoke to you. Having been friends for so long, you’ve never gone more than 3 days without talking to him so these weeks have felt like a lifetime of torture. Little do you know, it’s been torture for Junghwan as well. He had finally worked up the courage to tell you how he feels and then he sees you laughing and cuddling up to Jeongwoo? Everyone had convinced him that you liked him back and didn’t just view him as a friend but suddenly, all those words of encouragement turned into lies. How could you view him as more than just a friend if you liked Jeongwoo? He knew he had to get over you and the only way for him to do that was to avoid you at all costs. If he saw your beaming smile or heard the laugh that was music to his ears, he wouldn’t be able to let you go. So he tried his best but all he ended up doing was hurting you and himself in the end. 

my y/niee~ ❤️‍🩹 can we talk? Read 5:56 pm please? Read 5:56 pm just meet me at our spot on the playground where we first met Read 5:57 pm

hwaniee~ 💟🐶 ok.  Read 5:58 pm

When Junghwan sees you, his heart sinks. You have the hood of (his) sweatshirt that you’re wearing pulled over your head to hide your face but he can still see the redness of your cheeks and how your eyes are puffy from crying. All he wants to do is pull you into a hug and apologize but he can’t because if he does, he’ll fall right back into the routine of loving you. 

Feeling someone approach you, you look up from your seat on the floor of the playground where you and Junghwan first met all those years ago. 

“Junghwan?” you ask into the darkness, only seeing a figure that shares a familiar outline with your best friend. The figure steps into the light from the streetlamps surrounding the playground, revealing themself to be your best friend who is also in the same disheveled state as you. 

“Yeah, it’s me. Don’t worry.” His voice cracks a little as it tries to hold back all of the different emotions he feels. You gesture for him and he walks over to take a seat next to you. Once he sits down, both of you start to speak at the same time. 

“You go first.” He says, motioning for you to continue what you were about to say.

“No, it’s okay. You can go first.” You whisper awkwardly before you squeak out a small laugh.

“What? Why are you laughing?” He questions but still starts to laugh along with you.

“It's nothing... We’ve just never been this awkward before. It’s kind of funny.” You say as you burst into a full on laugh that’s immediately followed by the sound of Junghwan’s. Once the laughter dies down, you know you have to explain yourself before the tears start to fall again.

“Junghwan… I-”

He cuts you off again, but this time, there’s no anger behind it, only remorse. “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“But I do!” You exclaim, turning away from him to hide your face. “I can’t let you think something that’s not true! When you saw me and Jeongwoo together, he was teaching me the guitar. That part’s true, but it wasn’t because I wanted to get closer to him. We were together because I asked him to help me learn a song on the guitar, a song that was supposed to be a surprise for your birthday. Jeongwoo is only a friend who was helping another friend in need.” You turn back to look at him and see his eyes, full of regret. “The idea that you think I like someone else is tearing me up inside because you’re the one I like, Junghwan. It’s always been you.” You cry out, face full of tears. 

“Oh, Y/n. I am so sorry for making you upset. I saw you two laughing together and the thought that maybe you didn’t like me filled my mind.” He sighs and runs his hands through his long, brown hair. “I had finally worked up the courage to tell you how I felt after like 7 years and then I saw you with Jeongwoo and my whole world came crashing down. I avoided you because I knew that in order for me to be happy, I would have to let you go.  I am so sorry, Y/N… for everything. For making you cry and for making you think anything other than the truth, which is that I really, really like you. It’s always been you. From day one until now. I’ve never stopped.” he says, wrapping you in a hug. “Are you cold?” he asks, pulling away slightly to look at your face.

you feel too nervous to answer but are grateful that your friend is calling you at this time, so you answer and bring the phone to your ear.

"[y/n]! hello? i was wondering if you wanted to go to our favourite dessert place today-"

a sob that you couldn't hold back bursts out, and you break into tears again. Junghwan stays silent and only speaks up when your cries seem to have slowed down.

"[y/n]... are you home right now? is it okay if i come over?" he asks.

you nod even though he can't see, and then croak out a 'yes'.

"don't hang up on me though, okay? i'm coming right now, but stay on the phone with me 'till i get there," Junghwan tells you.

you can hear rustling as he rushes to get changed. you hear his footsteps and you hear him lock the door. his breaths grow heavier as he runs all the way from his house to yours, non-stop, for seven minutes. listening to him breathing calms you down, and by the time he's at your doorstep, you feel somewhat okay enough to open the door.

the first thing Junghwan does once he steps inside and takes off his shoes is hug you. he hugs you tighly for a good few seconds, burying his head into your neck and holding you close.

when he pulls away, he looks at your reddened eyes and puffy face, pushes you towards the bathroom and helps you wash your face. you almost start crying again because of how kind Junghwan is to you, but you hold it in.

he takes you by the hand towards your livingroom couch, sits closely next to you and doesn't let go of your hand, still.

"[y/n], do you want to talk? about anything at all?" he asks, his eyes full of sincerity.

you take a deep breath.

"Junghwan... i feel so lonely and unloved. i feel like i'm unloveable, like i'm incapable of being loved, like i'm doing everything wrong, like there's no future for me and no point in anything. but at the same time, i don't know how i feel. nothing makes sense and i just want to disappear," you blurt out, looking at your feet.

Junghwan takes a few seconds to process your words before speaking up.

"[y/n], every human is capable of being loved and deserves love. your existence is enough, is worthy enough of you being loved. you existing is... what makes you important and valuable," he says.

"why does no one love me, then ?! why... i don't know if i'm anything to anyone..."

"people do love you. maybe just not in the way that you imagine or desire, but people do love you. your family, your friends, me, we all love you and are thankful for your existence. you mean the world to us."

his words calm you down and you feel all of your muscles loosening up.

"and one day, i'm sure, you'll find exactly the love that you're looking for. for now, though, use our love to keep powering through, even if it's not the love you want," Junghwan continues.

you look at him and smile, and he smiles back at you. when you pull him in for a hug and wrap your arms around his neck, his face turns red. he's thankful you can't see him, nor hear the way his heart is racing right now.

"ah, fuck my life."

you cursed your luck, sitting at the bus stop while contemplating your life decisions.

should've watched my step. you wondered, looking down at your arm that was in a cast. but i could've sworn that step wasn't there before.

after a minor accident that resulted with your arm in a cast, you were informed you had an appointment for your passport picture.

and with your roommate away for the weekend, you had absolutely no one to help you. it took you all your effort to get your clothes prim and proper, but you forgot about your hair in the process.

upon seeing your phone's reflection, you realised you needed to be absolutely professional for the picture — and this meant having a proper hairstyle.

and as last resort, you took a deep breath, turning towards the male beside you who was also waiting for the bus. he looks nice. you wondered, politely smiling.

"hi. i'm really sorry for disturbing you," you apologised as you greeted him. "but could you please help me tie my hair?"

so junghwan seemed confused at first, wondering why you were asking him before he saw the cast on your arm.

"i, uh, haven't really done this before," he admitted honestly, feeling bad when he saw your mood deflate. "i could try, though."

"that'd be much appreciated," you thanked him. "i have to get my passport pictures done and my roommate's also not home. i'm really sorry for troubling you like this!"

you felt terrible and weirdly enough that brought a smile on junghwan's face. he knew you genuinely meant every word you spoke, and your politeness warmed his heart.

"i'll touch your hair now," he announced awkwardly, standing behind as he gathered your hair in his hand. "is your fracture really bad? does it hurt?" he asked, trying to make some conversation as he tried to figure out what to do.

"it's a minor one, but it hurts a lot more than i thought," you replied, oddly feeling comfortable with this stranger. "i'm sorry about this, really."

junghwan chuckled, shaking his head, though you couldn't see it. "it's alright. if anything, i'm sorry if i'm doing anything wrong," he apologised. "i don't want you to ruin your picture because of me," he muttered.

his touch on your hair was very gentle, and you could feel him trying his best and you deeply appreciated that.

once he had tied your hair, junghwan stood in front of you, taming your flyaways before taking out his phone and turning the camera towards you.

"wah," you exclaimed, totally in awe. "you are really good at this! thank you very much!"

the male only smiled in response, relieved to hear his shoddy work of tying your hair was acceptable. "well, that's a relief," he muttered, nodding politely as he moved away.

"seriously, i mean it," you commented, grateful for the help. "it came out exactly like i would do it. i can't believe you've never done this before!"

the raven-haired male shyly smiled as he looked at you, admiring the absolute golden retriever energy that was radiating off you.

for the time first time in his life, so junghwan wanted to get know to someone, and the someone who pulled on his heartstrings was none other than you.

"ah, well, i'm glad i was able to pull off a pretty hairstyle for a pretty you."

taglist — @kflixnet @gyutendo @twntycm @heejojo @jaesvelvet @fightmegirl @koishua @lovethyfandoms2 @kpoprhia @woooooooosh8 @milkybonya @enhacolor @yunho-leeknow @candililac @willdieforbeidou @luvbrie @mui890mew @one16core @soobin-chois @odetoyeonjun @wonluvrbot @acciomylove @idkwatodoanymore @kyufilms @ily-cuz-i @acaiasahi @bobariki @kyuchanie @teuranghae @changmin-wrlds (to be added, please send an ask or dm!)

MASTERLISTS | TAGLIST FORM

© 2023 ALOHAJUN | PLEASE REFRAIN FROM COPYING OR REPOSTING MY WORK WITHIN OR OUTSIDE THIS SITE

"love is dead.”

you stated, lying on the couch, blankly staring at the ceiling. "all he did was betray me after everything we had." your words sparked the interest of hyunsuk, who sat on the floor.

"y/n, are you okay?" hyunsuk awkwardly glanced at junghwan, who stood near the kitchen island, making a sandwich.

"he just used me and left me there," you continued, sighing. "now i know why hurricanes are named after people." hyunsuk and jihoon exchanged glances, worried about you.

ever since they arrived, you and junghwan hadn't talked to each other at all. this worried the males, wondering if you two were fighting.

hyunsuk got up and walked towards junghwan, who sadly kept glancing at you now and then. "what the heck happened?" he asked, concerned.

as junghwan opened his mouth to reply, he was cut off. "junghwan ate my sandwich," you responded, hearing the question.

jihoon's eyes widened, grabbing a pillow as a reflex. "you dramatic, little brat! i was so concerned!" he didn't hold back as he hit you, immediately getting a cry from you.

"ahh, ow!" you sat up, clutching your stomach and whining.

junghwan kept the butter knife down and rushed towards you, checking to see if you got hurt. "y/n, are you okay?" he inquired, reaching out to hold your hand.

"don't touch me," you mumbled, standing up and walking behind the couch. "i don't like you."

jihoon shook his head as junghwan looked at him for help. "young love is dramatic. don't look at me," he commented, looking over to hyunsuk. "wanna go to our dorms? they need space."

"yes, please," hyunsuk breathed, getting his phone and jumping to his feet, glad to get away from the arguing duo.

"you two grandpas are free to leave," junghwan sarcastically announced, pointing at the door, glaring at them when they laughed.

once the two had left, junghwan tried walking towards you, but you kept taking steps away from him. he sighed, unreasonably mad at himself for eating your sandwich.

"y/n, please talk to me. i made you another sandwich. please," junghwan urged, smiling slightly when you turned around to face him. you said nothing, and just stared at him, pouting slightly.

"why should i?" you huffed.

junghwan kneeled in front of you as a last resort, hoping it would work. "i will stay like this until you forgive me," he said, looking up at you.

you raised your brows skeptically, wondering if junghwan was serious. nevertheless, you shrugged and walked around the living room, cleaning up the mess the boys had made. little thuds on the floor made you look back, only to see junghwan following you – on his knees.

that's gonna hurt your knees. please, stop.

you pretended not to see and continued your work, but the light thuds followed. you tried your best to ignore, but when you finished all your work and had nothing to do, it was difficult.

you walked towards the couch when you heard a loud thump, following by junghwan groaning. you turned around and quickly rushed to junghwan, who had faceplanted onto the floor.

"are you alright, hwanie?" you asked, holding his arm, trying to pull him up. junghwan immediately got up, smiling brightly as you just spoke to him. you gasped as you saw his face, frowning at the little wound on his lip. "oh, no. what have i done?"

you made junghwan get up and sit on the couch, the frown not leaving your face as you inspected his face. tears welled up in your eyes as you saw junghwan's wound, knowing well it happened because of your stubbornness.

sure, it was a teeny, weeny, itty, bitty cut. but it was still there on junghwan's face. all because of you.

"y/n, i'm fine." junghwan smiled, his hands on your face. "really. i'm not lying."

"you are still hurt," you muttered, and you gently patted junghwan's knees, knowing it must hurt as he walked behind you on his knees.

"yeah, i am." his words brought the frown back on your face. "but if you kiss it, i might just be better." he chuckled as you disbelievingly shook your head.

you couldn't help but crack a small smile at junghwan's words. you rested your hands on junghwan's face, leaning in and placing a small kiss on the corner of his lips, near his wound. you showered the male with kisses, placing them all over his face as he giggled adorably.

"am i forgiven?"

"i wasn't mad at you in the first place."

taglist — @ravenori @jensrose @hotgirlsunoo @nanasdream @twntycm @roseky21 @heejojo @fightmegirl @koishua @silent-potato @lovethyfandom @kpoprhia @woooooooosh8 @milkybonya @enhacolor @yunho-leeknow @yoshiikore @f4ery @candililac @willdieforbeidou @luvbrie @jun-bug @mui890mew @yogurteume @soobin-chois (to be added, please send an ask!)

TREASURE MASTERLIST

© 2022 ALOHAJUN | PLEASE REFRAIN FROM COPYING OR REPOSTING MY WORK WITHIN OR OUTSIDE THIS SITE