“Potatoes, veggies, some fruit,” I make a list of what I need at the store, “Wine, eggnog, whisky, more wine and then maybe some vodka.” I laugh and write down the last bit and tuck the list into my purse. Just as I reach the door, a knock comes, making me jump back.

“Christ!” I shriek and compose myself and open the door.

“What bloody good timing you have,” I say to the man standing on the front step, “I was just goin’ out the door when I heard the knock, nearly scared me half to death.”

The man smiles and then I shake my head, “Oh yes. I’m Jenny Fraser,” I offer my hand in introduction, “And you are?”

He shakes my hand firmly, “Ian Murray, nice to meet ye,” he says with a thick Scottish accent.

“Och, so ye’re from Scotland then? Or are ye just makin’ fun of my accent.” I crack a smile and then invite him in to the house from the cold.

As I shut the door I turn and notice just how handsome he is. “Aye, lived in Scotland all my life until a few years ago when I got the job offer to teach at Harvard,” He smiled, “How could I say no to that?”

“Is Claire here?” He asks. Oh right. Of course, he’s not here to see you Jenny.

“I’m afraid she’s no’, she’s in Scotland actually.” I say and put both hands on my hips, “Can I help you wi’ somethin’ though?”

Ian shook his head, “Oh, I was just comin’ to get some of Frank’s things. He’s a colleague of mine at Harvard.”

“Right! Claire told me someone was comin’ by to pick up something. Stay there, I’ll go get the box.” I held up a finger for him to wait and went to Claire’s office where she told me she put a box of her ex’s things.

“Here ye are, Ian,” handing him the box, our fingers brush. “Would ye like to stay a bit? I can fix ye a cup of tea or maybe coffee?” I turn towards the kitchen.

“That sounds lovely but my girlfriend Hannah is sittin’ in the car waitin’ for me, so best not keep her waitin’.” He smiles and I open the door for him and then spot his girlfriend in the passenger seat of her car, I wave but she doesn’t seem to see me.

Pausing on the last step, Ian turns back to me, “I might take ye up on that cup of tea another day though, Jenny, if ye dinna mind.”

Blushing, I gather my thoughts, “Och, yes! I dinna mind. Drop by anytime Ian, it was nice to meet ye.” I watch him leave and sigh. Of course he would have a girlfriend. I bet she’s some American trollop too.

Distracted from Ian’s arrival, I suddenly remember that I was going to get groceries. “Stop thinkin’ about him, Jenny.” I say to myself and leave out the front door.

CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP

He said he would leave before I woke up so why am I so hurt that he actually did leave? Is it because when he said that we hadn’t slept together yet? We hadn’t kissed and laid all night in each other’s arms…

“You’ll never see him again, Beauchamp, it’s for the best.” I mutter to myself and slide on my pyjamas to go downstairs and grab a cup of coffee before I need to head to the airport.

“Good mornin’, Sassenach,” I hear a deep voice say as I enter the kitchen. Jamie. He stayed.

I realize that I’m standing in the kitchen with my mouth slightly ajar when Jamie repeats himself, “Good mornin’, Sassenach — ye sleep well then?” He smiles smugly and takes a sip of coffee.

I can just tell that my cheeks are bright red from the attempted wink he gives me. Going to stand next to him near the coffee machine, I reach out my hand to the cup he offers me, “Yes. Quite well actually.” And I take a sip of my coffee, giving him back a smug smile.

“Ye dinna have to worry about a thing, Sassenach. With us,” Jamie puts his hand down on the counter, his fingers dangerously close to mine, “I know ye’re leavin’ today but for the record… yer ex is extremely mistaken.”

I bite my bottom lip like a flirty teenager and move my fingers to touch his, “You were very drunk,” I laugh, “You couldn’t remember if I was any good or not.” I whisper and look down at our hands.

“I remember,” his voice causes me to look up, “I canna forget ye. I willna forget ye.” I think he’s going to kiss me again but he pulls back and crosses the room to reach for something in his jacket.

Jamie pulls out a pair of wire rimmed glasses and sets them on the bridge of his nose. God, if he wasn’t already attractive, now he has to pull out those.

“I couldna see ye properly. Lost my contacts last night — somehow.” This time he blushes and walks back over to stand in front of me, his hand reaching to cup my cheek.

A phone rings and it breaks the spell. Picking up the phone I get a glance at the contact name, “Faith,” I say and hand him his phone, “Sorry. Didn’t mean to read it.”

“It’s alright. I’ll call back.” He sighs and then moves to put his coat on. “I guess ye’ll be going to the airport today?”

I nod and wrap my arms around my chest, wishing that it was his arms that were wrapping around me instead.

“Well,” He says, wrapping his scarf back around his neck, “I know you’re not interested in gettin’ involved but you should know that things in my life are a wee bit… complicated.”

“It’s okay, Jamie. I’m leaving so…” I say and regret it instantly when I see the hurt look in his eyes.

“I just want to assure ye is all, that ye’re better off,” he turns to leave but then pauses at the open door, “I just want to be sure ye’re okay, Claire. I tend to hurt the people I’m with simply by bein’ myself.”

I move to stand closer to him, “I’m not going to fall in love with you Jamie Fraser, I promise.” I smile and he nods in return.

“Nicely put, Sassenach,” Jamie still doesn’t move, “What if I wanted to call ye? If ye change ye’re mind and stay…” He moves his hands to settle at my waist and I shiver, from the cold coming from the open door or from his touch, “Meet me at the pub down the road. Tonight.”

“I’m lea—“ I start to say again.

“Ye’re leaving. Aye… I know,” he runs his hands through his curly red hair and adjusts the glasses on his nose, “Then if this is goodbye, ye’re lovely, Claire.” He leans down and gives me a kiss on the cheek and I shock myself and him when I grab his face and move my lips to his, savouring the taste of his mouth.

“Please stay,” he whispers when the kiss breaks.

“Goodbye, Jamie,” I force myself to say and he turns and leaves. I stand in the kitchen for way too long, just staring out the window in the direction he went.

“Time to leave, I guess.” Sighing I head upstairs to finish packing.

JENNY FRASER

On my way back from the store, I noticed a man standing on the door step. What is it with Claire’s house attracting men to her door?

As I got closer, I noticed it wasn’t Ian but an older gentlemen. “Hello, can I help ye?” I asked as I climbed the steps.

“Hello,” he said in a straight Boston accent, “I’m Joe Abernathy.” He shook my hand, “And you must be the woman staying in Lady J’s house this Christmas?”

I nodded and unlocked the door, “Yes, I’m Jenny Fraser. Lady J is Claire, I take it?” He followed after me and I set the bag of groceries on the front table near the door.

“The only and only,” he smiled warmly and immediately picked up the bag I had just sat down and proceeded to take it to the kitchen, he knew where he was going apparently.

“I bet you’re wondering what I’m doing here, Jenny?” He laughed and I nodded, turning to the kettle to fill it with water.

“I live next door to LJ and I can’t seem to find my keys. She has a spare key to my house,” He said.

“Do ye know where it is? I dinna know if I can help ye find it if ye don’t,” I shrugged and set the kettle to boil.

“Yes,” he smiled, “She told me she keeps it in the drawer in her study, would you mind getting it darling? My knees are real weak and I’m afraid by the time I climb up and down those stairs it will be Easter.” He laughed and I gave his arm a light squeeze.

“Of course, Joe. I’ll be back in a second,” I said and went find the spare key.

“Here ye are,” I handed him the key. “Would ye like a cup of tea?” I ask as the kettle whistles and I pour myself a cup and when he says yes, I pour him one too.

“I love a good cup of tea,” he lets out a deep breath and takes a sip, “Tell me something, Jenny.”

“What do ye want to know,” I said, coming to sit beside him at the kitchen island.

“Do you have any plans for dinner tonight?” I shook my head no, “Then would you want to go to dinner with me?” He asked, “I know I’m an old man but it would be my honor.”

I didn’t have any plans for this holiday at all. There would be no risk in falling in love with him as he was a bit too old for me so what was the harm in making new friends?

“I’d love to Joe, ye’ve got yerself a date!” I smiled and squeezed his hand that wasn’t holding the cup.

“A date? I haven’t had a date since my precious wife Gayle passed. It’ll be one you never forget.” He winked and I couldn’t help but smile. Joe Abernathy must have been the real charmer back in his day.

After the cup of tea, Joe went back to his house and I said I would swing back around in a few hours to go to dinner.

“What I don’t understand Jenny is why a beautiful young woman like yourself would spend a Saturday night with an old almost retired chief of surgery like me?” Joe said once the waiter finished pouring the wine.

“Because you asked me,” I joked, “I just needed to get away from all the people I knew. Obviously I’m no’ from here as ye can tell by my accent,” I smiled and took a sip of wine, “It’s one guy actually that I needed to get away from.” I felt myself getting emotional, “An ex boyfriend who just got engaged for forgot to tell me.” I sniffed and finished the glass of wine.

“He’s a damn shmuck.” Joe said flatly.

“Well yes, how did ye know?” I laughed and wiped a finger under my watery eye.

“He let you go.” Joe smiled, “No real man would let someone like you get away from them.”

“Ye must be the kindest man I’ve ever met Joe, if only ye were forty years younger!” Laughing we continued the conversation about our lives. I told him how I worked in a book publishing company and that was how I knew Oliver.

I learned that Joe was a colleague of Claire’s, her Chief of Surgery in fact. I didn’t know much about the medical field but I knew that was important.

“Ye’ve worked in that hospital for more than fifty years?” I gasped, spinning pasta on my fork and taking a bite.

“Indeed, I went in as a fresh faced medical student and worked my way up. Never had any other kind of job. That’s where I met Lady J,” he took a bite of his steak, “Well, I first met her when she moved in next door but then at work. A fine Doctor, that girl is.”

I saw Joe up to his house and made sure he was good before I walked the few steps next door. Unexpectedly, my “date” with Joe had been one of the best nights I’d had in a long time. Maybe it was because I wasn’t worried what he thought about me.

My phone rang just as I settled into bed. “Oliver Bloom” the screen read and I bit my lip, deciding whether or not to answer it. My heart gave in and I put the phone to my ear, “Hello?”

“Jenny? Ah, good to hear ye’re voice,” he said on the line, “Darling, I know ye’re away but I’ve just got stuck on this one part of my book, ye know, the one ye helped me write —“ I made a yes sound, “Well I was just wondering if I could email you what I’ve got and you could help me out a bit?”

This damn fool, calling about work. Of course he wouldn’t even mention that fact that he’s now engaged and only gone and ripped my heart out.

Beauchamp, get a grip. Emily often sent chills over my body, the mere thought of having her underneath me to do with as I pleased was enough to almost send me over the edge.

What could we do? Run away together, leave the war behind? Leave Frank behind?

It was a possibility but not likely.

I received a letter from Frank just last week, no location as usual. A simple letter filled with “I miss you”, “I love you”, “Hope to see you soon”. Whenever I read it, sitting on my cot, my stomach dropped, the guilt of what me and Emily had been doing overwhelming me. I couldn’t bear to be apart from her, my closest friend, my lover.

Walking into the tent set up as our makeshift hospital, I heard it. The tell-tale sound of planes overhead. Shrieks came from around me and I barely had time to cover my head before the first shell dropped.

BOOM

The earth vibrated. The sky was filled with dust and smoke. My ears were ringing as I covered them with my hands. I needed to get up and help but my equilibrium was off. Dear God, the blood.

Just fifteen metres in front of me, there was a man who’d been pushed back from the blast, his body spilling with blood on the ground. He was dead and I knew it, there would be no saving him.

My eyes found the next closest sign of trouble. I walked over rubble and tried to peer through the dust that was still swirling. There were cries of pain everywhere and almost impossible to tell where they were coming from. I heard a man shouting for help and followed his voice. Finding him, I observed that he wasn’t the one in need of help but he was trying to lift the back end of a war truck off of someone.

“I can’t help you lift that but I’ll find people who can!” I shouted and ran to get help. I found a few men nearby who were digging through the rubble and took them with me back to the man near the truck.

“On my count… 1…2…3!” The men grunted, their hands under the end of the truck to lift. I bent down on my knees and reached for whoever was under the truck. My hand touched cold skin, that wasn’t a good sign. With the help of another nurse nearby we managed to drag the person from the truck’s death grip.

My hands searched the body, roaming and looking for signs where they needed my healing most. As my hands moved up his body to his face, I heard a scream and only realised that it had come from me when I felt a hand touch my back.

Frank.

My husband, crushed under the car. Silent sobs wracked my body as I fell on top of him, trying to shield him from more harm.

“Frank!” I screamed once again and hands tried to peel me off of him but I wouldn’t budge. I knew he was dead. When I had touched his hand before, he was ice cold. There was no telling if we had come to him sooner, if he could’ve been saved. I dared a glance at his body, to really look at the damage. It was then that I saw he had no legs. Crushed.

I needed to help people that were still alive but I couldn’t leave him, Frank was gone. What was he even doing here? Was he looking for me?

“Miss,” someone said to me, “you need to move, if there’s a second blast then you’ll be killed too.” I knew their concern was meant well.

“I can’t! I’m not leaving him.” I cried, my body still covering his.

“Suit yourself, miss.” The man reluctantly left me there, hovering over my husbands cold dead body.

I must have sat there for hours, my legs went numb from sitting in this position so long. The only reason I moved was because other soldiers were coming through the blast to collect the bodies of the dead. I held Frank’s cold hand as they took him away on a cot. He looked almost peaceful.

“You can’t go with us, miss.” The solider said, “If he’s your husband then his body will be sent back to you but we have to collect all the dead.”

At the word ‘dead’, I crumbled to the ground once more. With a ‘I’m sorry, miss’, the soldier took my husband away in a truck filled with other’s that were dead like him.

“Claire?”

I looked up through wet eyes to see Emily, her skirt covered in brown dust and blood that I hoped wasn’t hers.

“What happened?” She asked, bending down to sit next to me on the ground.

“Frank.” I choked, my hand covering my mouth as another sob came out.

“Oh God. Claire.” She pulled me into her and I leaned against her. I felt guilt once again as I felt myself relax into her, the touch of her calming me and reassuring me that everything would be alright.

“I don’t even know what he was doing here,” I wiped my hand across my face, “did he know I was here?”

“I don’t know, Claire.” She smoothed back the damp curls from my face, “I don’t know”

After a little while, I knew I couldn’t neglect my responsibilities any longer, even faced with my husband’s death, there was destruction surrounding me that I couldn’t ignore, even had I wanted to.

DECEMBER 1946

Sitting by a roaring fire, memories of one of the worst days flooded back to me. The day I discovered Frank’s body among the rubble of that last explosion. The fire beside me couldn’t help the chills that crawled over my body.

“You alright, darling?” Emily touched my thigh, her hand warming the skin there.

I nodded and smiled, “Yes. Just memories… of that day.”

“I have those too, almost like flashbacks.” It happened often, to be fine and living your life and then suddenly you were transported back, amongst the chaos.

“I’m glad to be here with you though, even though I’ll always miss Frank terribly.” I said next to her, meeting her gaze.

“It’s a terrible thing… what happened,” she replied, her hand moving up my leg, “but I would like to think that we were brought together to endure this.”

“I would like to think that too, Em.” I smiled, now remembering the end of the war. The streets were filled with cheers as the announcement that it was over spread. I found Emily as quickly as I could. She was looking for me too.

I had pulled her aside into the darkness of a nearby alley and pressed my mouth to hers. Silent tears had filled our eyes as we kissed. Pain from all those we had lost, joy of being free from this war.

From that day on we had been together. Run away, somewhere deep in the Highlands of Scotland to finally be alone.

Ashamed was what I should feel as Emily’s hand moved further and slid in between my thighs. But I didn’t. Loved was what I felt.