We got a glimpseĀ of this scene but it was renderedĀ short by a lightning. God forbid they would ever have a meaningfulĀ conversation without being interrupted. And it was far more important to have Dogface singing for 4 minutes.Ā
āI am more than five-and-forty!ā he said. āA man should be settled at that age, no? He should have a house, and some land to grow his food, and a bit of money put away to see him through his auld age, at the least.āĀ
He took a deep breath; I could see the white bosom of his shirt rise with his swelling chest.
"Well, I dinna have a house. Or land. Or money. Not a croft, not a tattie-plot, not a cow or a sheep or a pig or a goat! I havena got a rooftree or a bedstead, or a pot to piss in!ā
He slammed his fist down on the thwart, making the wooden seat vibrate under me.
āI dinna own the clothes I stand up in!ā
There was a long silence, broken only by the thin song of crickets.
āYou have me,ā I said, in a small voice. It didnāt seem a lot.
He made a small sound in his throat that might have been either a laugh or a sob.
āAye, I have,ā he said. His voice was quivering a bit, though whether with passion or amusement, I couldnāt tell. āThatās the hell of it, aye?ā
He threw up his hand in a gesture of profound impatience.
āIf it was only me, what would it matter? I could live like Myers; go to the woods, hunt and fish for my living, and when I was too old, lie down under a peaceful tree and die, and let the foxes gnaw my bones. Who would care?ā
He shrugged his shoulders with irritable violence, as though his shirt was too tight.
āBut itās not only me,ā he said. āItās you, and itās Ian and itās Duncan and itās Fergus and itās Marsali-God help me, thereās even Laoghaire to think of!ā
āOh, letās donāt,ā I said.
āDo ye not understand?ā he said, in near desperation. āI would lay the world at your feet, Claire-and I have nothing to give ye!ā
He honestly thought it mattered.
I sat looking at him, searching for words. He was half turned away, shoulders slumped in despair.
Within an hour, I had gone from anguish at the thought of losing him in Scotland, to a strong desire to bed him in the herbaceous borders, and from that to a pronounced urge to hit him on the head with an oar. Now I was back to tenderness.
At last I took one big, callused hand and slid forward so I knelt on the boards between his knees. I laid my head against his chest, and felt his breath stir my hair. I had no words, but I had made my choice.
ā āWhither thou goest,ā ā I said, ā āI will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried.ā ā Be it Scottish hill or southern forest. āYou do what you have to; Iāll be there.ā
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