#jtrm

Johnny’s eyes listed to the side to watch her again. The cab flickered in amber hues as they passed under streetlights, illuminating Devi just long enough to see her features properly. She looked so happy, just like before. He wanted more than anything to keep her smiling like that.

The car took a turn and the lighting changed dramatically, suddenly bright with an assortment of popping colors. The abrupt change was enough for Johnny to move his attention back to the road to inspect their surroundings. 

“I’ve been meaning to bring you here.” Devi slowed the car while she looked for parking. “I can’t believe I haven’t yet. Tenna took me here when I was in the thick of it with Sickness, and we’ve been a few times since.”

They were in an Asian district of the city, surrounded by buildings that boasted blinding neon signs adorned in kanji and hangul, and happy waving mascots . Even though it was nearing midnight, there were still plenty of people in the windows of the buildings they drove by, eating and drinking in large groups. Johnny slanted his mouth to the side and debated if it would be rude to ask Devi to take their food to go.

“It’s an interesting lil’ hole-in-the-wall, totally automated.”

“Automated?” Johnny put a finger to his lip.

“Yeah, like literally no one talks to you. You just push a button to order and it comes out on a little robot guy.” She grinned at him jovially, and Johnny’s teeth poked out in curiosity over the concept of robotic waitstaff. Perhaps dining-in wouldn’t be too horrible.

Devi parked along the curb and exited the car to meet Johnny on the sidewalk. She pointed to the building on the opposite corner.

“That one.” She smiled, hoping he would find the name amusing.

“...EAT or DIE?” Johnny asked. 

“Makes the options easier, don’t you think?” Devi laughed, and Johnny nodded along while he surveyed the area. 

There was a nagging feeling he had been here before, but couldn’t imagine why—he very rarely went out to eat, and if he did, it would be close to his house, not clear on the other side of the city. Despite that, the street seemed vaguely familiar…

His focus trained on a parking lot down the road, and a sudden pulse of anxiety panged throughout his chest. He was here before, halfway through his “spiritual journey”. While he wasn’t ready to return home yet, he had run into a small issue, and was forced to come back for a short time.

A few months into his aimless travels, his already measly funds had run out and he needed to find a way to obtain money. Taped to a crosswalk pole was an advertisement for a psychiatric clinic, offering paid compensation for clinical trials in a sleep study. It seemed like a potential opportunity to dive into the bowels of his tortured mind, but in the end was just a boring bunch of speculation. The lady doctor was very interested in listening to him talk about his “dreams”, and he did love to talk about himself, but overall the study was dull and not at all the deep dive he was expecting. The only saving grace was that it did line his pockets with some extra cash.

One night after leaving the clinic, he was wandering the city streets without much purpose, when he heard a woman scream. Johnny looked over and was shocked to see that said woman was… Devi. 

With Tenna. 

Jeezus, that girl she was with that night was Tenna, Johnny thought now, in horror. Why did he not realize it after meeting her!? He was just so caught up in the moment, the person Devi was with hadn’t mattered at all!

Devi had been crouched on the hood of her car, yelling at someone, and Johnny was immediately murderous on her behalf. He decided to stay close by, in case there was some bigger issue at hand. Against his promises to forget her, to give her his “nothing”, he followed behind her car with his all the way to her new apartment building, and stole away into the alley to follow Devi’s shape as she walked past windows.

Johnny saw them enter an apartment, and he waited, listening for any further sounds of an argument or otherwise unfriendly conversation. He froze, in aching terror, when the blinds parted enough for a pair of eyes to peek out, a pair of eyes that he was certain were Devi's. Even as he stared at her with all his might, she didn’t seem to notice him there, cloaked in the shadows of the alleyway. 

It made him sick to see her after so long. The nausea quickly gave way to unyielding panic, and he elected then that he needed to leave, urgently. He decided to spare this unknown person the fate of being kidnapped and tortured for the crime of annoying Devi, and left.

That didn’t stop him from coming back to stare at Devi’s window every night for the next week, though, now that he knew where it was. It made him very unwell, knowing she was in there and he could never go and see her again, could never talk to her again. 

It got to the point that he nearly beat his own forehead in with a discarded hubcap, and after berating himself and his poor choices, he finally drove out of the city for the high desert. Attempting to stay true to his word, never returned to her apartment after that… until he was compelled to warn her about Sickness.

Oh, God. Did Devi know that? 

Did she actually see him down there and just feigned ignorance? If she found out now, would it ruin the evening? He cursed his past-self for being weak and stalking her, and he cursed his present-self for not having the gumption to admit to it now.

“Johnny?” Devi tilted her head into his line of sight, and Johnny jumped.

“Sssssorry!” He hurried, trying to think of a lie. “I… I thought I saw a mongoose over there.”

Devi turned to look down the street and then back to him with a questioning smile.

“Well, there is an exotic animal shop nearby… Wouldn’t be too surprised if there were a couple of renegade invasive mammals running around.”

Johnny breathed a laugh and nodded, happy his lie held even a little water. He would tell her the truth just… not tonight. He would confess to the bludgeoning earlier too, if the divine would kindly not sabotage his night, he swore he would. 

“C’mon already, I’m starving!” She pulled him towards the door. “And their cashew chicken is sooo good!” 

–

Devi smirked at Johnny while he crouched low on their table to stare at the stout little robot waiter that emerged from the kitchen doors. His irises followed it curiously as it rolled across the restaurant to where they were seated, a tray of food balanced on its flat head, making a pleasant little doop doop doop electric sound all the while. 

It stopped next to them and the top of its head inched upward by an internal tube until it was level with the table, then tilted abruptly at an angle to toss the tray up. The dishes clanged and clattered against the metal that slapped down in front of them, but miraculously nothing spilled.

“Thank you! Enjoy your meal.” The robo-waiter said. “OR DIE!” 

Johnny lurched over the side of the table to glower as the mechanical creature rolled away and back into the kitchen, earning a snicker from Devi. He was like a damn cat.

“Neat, huh?” She grinned and took her plate from the tray between them. Johnny sat back up properly, then looked down to the food with a wary expression. He wondered if automated Chinese food had any kind of nanobots or other unsavory things in it.

In spite of his suspicions, Johnny slid his plate of spicy noodles closer without a word. He poked a fork into the viscous lump of red goo and chili flakes, and stirred it noncommittally. The restaurant was empty, aside from himself and Devi, and while he was thankful to not have to listen to anyone else slurping and chewing and yammering on incoherently, he also felt cornered, somehow. 

There wasn’t a sound at all in the place, not even music, and he could feel Devi looking at him. She hadn’t taken a bite yet either, and he wondered if she knew something about the food that he didn’t.

Johnny lifted his head to peek at her, and found that Devi’s stare seemed strangely vulnerable; it felt longing, almost sad. 

His stomach dropped – had he done something in the last thirty seconds that disrupted her mood? Was it because he was poking at his dish instead of eating? Did he offend her choice of restaurants? Without another thought about it, Johnny jammed a forkful of red noodles into his mouth and looked away fretfully, hoping that would mend whatever it was he broke.

Devi squashed a laugh with a small snort. He was so awkward. 

She sighed – as much fun as she was having, now that they were face-to-face in good lighting, his timid mannerisms made her far too reminiscent of their doomed first date. Two years, and that misery still clung to her like cigarette stank on a smoker’s favorite jacket.

“Hey, Nny…” She started, then tapered off, unsure of where to go. 

They had had such a lovely time together that night, laughing and cutting up, side-by-side all evening in such a natural way, as if they were always meant to be next to each other. She loved how he spoke—long, drawn-out thoughts about any topic she brought up, most of which were filled to the teeth with poetic, scathing criticisms. She loved his twitchy, thin fingers, always flicking, trying to be polite, trying to not take up more of her space than they were invited to.

In the aftermath, she wondered if he was just antsy, trying to quell his excitement to murder her moronic ass once he got her to agree to come home with him. His shy eyes that always darted away when she caught him looking, was it all just an effort to keep her from seeing his true intentions? 

She didn’t think that was true anymore, having seen Johnny up close and personal now, but still… it ate away at her. She hadn’t been able to watch Brazil since. 

“I need to ask you something.” Devi said finally. 

Johnny swallowed another bite of noodles prematurely, anxious to respond.

“Yes?”

“I, uh… On our date before… did you, I mean… did you always…” She made a frustrated noise in the back of her throat. She hated this. 

Screw it, there was no way to sugarcoat a question like this. Best to just say it plainly.

“Did you plan to kill me? From the start?”

Johnny’s pupil pulsed, thin from horror; whatever he thought she was going to ask, it wasn’t that. Was this sudden concern what had made her look so melancholy? 

“You said there were “others”, which at the time I took to mean other dates… like those serial killers that date to murder, y’know? I don’t think that’s the case after all of our talks, but, I still wonder if—”

“—NO!” He interrupted urgently. “No, NEVER. Of course not!” 

“I would never want to hurt you, Devi, never, not even then!” Johnny leaned forward as he continued. “Even when I tried to, I didn’t want to do it!”

How horrendous to have to clarify! He thought she knew this already, but he couldn’t blame her for being worried – it was his own fault she would ever need to question his motives anyway. He prayed she wasn’t afraid tonight might end the same way.

Devi smiled at his denials, but it came out lopsided and wrong. Johnny pushed himself to reiterate, to quell any worries she might still have.

“When you asked me to the movies…” His fingernails tapped against the metal table disjointedly. 

“Well, I… I was elated, euphoric even. I never dreamed you would take any interest in me. Everything else from that time blurs together, just a mass of blood and bile and shit… except for my memories of you. I was happy simply talking with you. Visiting the bookstore to see you was often the highlight of my week.”

Devi glanced away at that, resting her mouth against her palm. She was unaccustomed to the giddy thump of her heart now. It was foreign and stupid feeling. 

“Mm.” She mumbled against her skin. “Okay…”

Johnny watched her pick up her fork and poke around at her dinner, his expression a mix of confusion and indignant concern. 

“Devi, I mean it. I never even considered it. And there were no “others" – not like that – it was only ever you.” 

His serious expression fractured when Devi met his gaze again, eyes half-lidded and glinting with a different kind of longing. 

She knew all of that already – he had confessed to pieces of it time and time again – but hearing it outloud, all at once, with the mood she was in… 

“Sorry.” The corners of her lips perked up. “I didn’t mean to stir up old crap, I just… can’t stop looking at you.”

Johnny’s shoulders shrunk against his body, once again feeling extremely exposed. He coughed, fiddled with his hands, and after a few agonizing seconds, went back to eating with one big mouthful of noodles. Devi only laughed and finally popped a piece of chicken into her mouth.

They ate in moderate silence for a few minutes, until Johnny seemed to have relaxed enough to carry on a conversation.

“How do you like the chili noodles?” Devi asked between bites. Johnny raised his head, happy for the change of topic.

“They’re good. Very spicy.” 

“Good.” Devi smiled. Her eyes were trained solely on the blood-red stain clinging to the corner of his lip, and her only thought was how she wanted to suck it off.

“And your cashew chicken is to your liking?” Johnny smiled earnestly. So cute, so unaware—it made her nuts. She wanted to dig her nails into his skin.

“Yes. So good.” 

–

THE CREATURES RETURN TO THEIR DEN:

Devi kept her head forward while she attempted to listen to Johnny’s endless conversation from the passenger seat, but it all came out muffled, like her eardrum was ten layers too thick. With his belly full, Johnny seemed fully charged and ready to vocalize every thought that entered his head, which was normally completely fine, but Devi was quite distracted tonight.

She wanted to kiss him. 

The horrid, long-forgotten ache for physical intimacy had freed itself from the chasm where she buried it, and was now crawling up from the depths of her soul, leaving behind a scorched dragpath as it fought its way up to her head. It screamed, suffocating in her chest, demanding something to sate its call, threatening to blur her rationale to get what it wanted. 

Even though she was out of practice, Devi was used to ignoring the nagging little bastard, but these were very different circumstances – never in her life had she been going home for the night with the object of her desire. 

Green irises ticked to the side for just a second to catch a glimpse of her resident maniac, still indulging her with the entire contents of his head. He was so relaxed now, happy and tittering on about potential future projects—what the hell was she going to do once they were home, out of the searing eye of the public? She knew what she wanted to do but…

But kissing? It had been so long since the last time she indulged in such a thing, and for a situation like this, once that dam was broken, it was fucking broken! She was able to convince herself out of it last night, but how many more nights could she do that now that she had snuggled up with him for a movie? Now that she held him in her arms, trembling and nervous, but reciprocating all the same?

Good lord.

She was almost grateful for the distraction of red and blue lights outside of the apartment building, if it wasn’t for the fact that they were blocking her usual parking spot with an ambulance. Devi begrudgingly parked on the other side of the street, and joined Johnny on the asphalt to see what the ruckus was this time. 

It wasn’t uncommon for someone in the apartments to severely injure themselves, and sometimes the situations they got themselves in were good for a laugh, even if it made you question the longevity of the human species.

As the pair stepped around the commotion – hands interlinked yet again, much to Johnny’s delight – and towards the apartment gate, Devi spotted one of the neighbors that always inserted herself into anything interesting, just to have something to gossip about. 

“What’s goin’ on?” Devi asked, tilting to see who was on the stretcher inside the ambulance.

“Oh, it’s so awful!” The neighbor lady held her hands to her chest dramatically. “There was a horrible accident!” 

“That fell’er from the second floor, the one that’s always flirtin’ with everyone? You know him, he’s got his hair cut reeeal short, like them military folks?” She explained, shaping a square with her hands. “I guess he fell an’ got his head stuck in the dryer down in the laundry room!” 

Devi quirked an eyebrow.

“What a moron.” She commented, but her neighbor didn’t notice.

“YEAH, they said he was down there fer hours an’ hoursss before someone found him!” 

The neighbor went on explaining who found him and how, and at what time, and who that person was dating, and the rumors that she heard about rat people in the sewers, but Devi was paying her less and less attention the longer she thought about it. 

Hours ago? In the laundry room? 

No, it… couldn't be. There was no way! Johnny was only gone for five minutes at most! 

Still, that was plenty of time for him to do something… murder-y.

Devi’s head turned with a painfully slow rotation towards Johnny, her suspicions already seeping out from beneath her poker face. His large eyes and needle-thin pupils that were already waiting to meet her lifted one more red flag up high in her mind.

Oh, that little fucker absolutely would not have! He better not have!

“Johnny.” She whispered and squinted her eyes accusingly.

Johnny’s thumb fidgeted against the side of her hand, and he offered her a guilty smile in exchange for her glare. 

“Yes, Devi?” He answered too quickly, his voice strained and overly-casual.

Devi bared her teeth in a growing, frustrated snarl. There was no fucking way that Johnny would dare to beat a man to death literally twenty minutes before they left for their date—there was just no way! Not unless he took her for a complete fucking idiot! 

She wanted so badly to believe that he wouldn’t do something so brazen, but his nervous expression was damning, and she wasn’t the kind to let her heart win out over her brain. Or her eyes.

Law enforcement never did a single thing against Johnny, but just in case, Devi elected to move their conversation away from earshot of emergency personnel and nosy neighbors. She pushed through the gate that led to the lawn, leaving her neighbor talking to the wind while she dragged Johnny behind her. As they neared the front doors, Devi yanked her dearest roommate in front of her and pushed him up against the concrete wall with some force. She leaned her face in close to his.

“Tell me you had nothing to do with this.” She hissed.

“...” 

Johnny adjusted his jaw and looked away with a shaky swallow. 

Why, oh why did they have to return before the ambulance left? If they had arrived just a few minutes later, maybe this incriminating-looking reveal could have been avoided. He had even intended to confess to this particular sin, eventually, but not when Devi’s temper was flaring like an ignited charbroiler. There was an abysmally low chance that she would be forgiving when she was already pissed.

“JOHNNY.” Her nails curled hard into his shirt, suspicions all but confirmed from his unwillingness to answer. Johnny shifted uncomfortably, dreading her reaction.

“I… was going to mention it later…” He mumbled, unable to meet her drilling stare. That was all she needed to hear.

“Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?” Devi whisper-yelled at him.

“Devi, please let me explain! It wasn’t—”

 “I cannot BELIEVE you!!” Devi cursed and released her hold on him. “FUCK!”

She refused to hear whatever excuses he had, and abandoned him to march into the building, fuming. Johnny followed at her heels, but his disjointed reasonings went unheard.

Devi ground her molars together in frustration—she was so angry! Angry at Johnny and his weasily little ass for pulling a stunt like this, and angry at herself for being so… SOFT!

Here she was, extending trust off-handedly and fantasizing about kissing him like a fucking labotomy survivor, and he was sneaking around doing shit like THIS right under her nose! AGAIN! Did he even actually control himself when he went to the store like he said, or did he lie right to her face, and she chose to believe him because he was being sweet? Fuck!

“Devi, please!” Johnny kept his head low while he desperately tried to match her pace. “I swear it wasn’t unwarranted!”

“OH GOOD, that makes this SO much better!” She looked at him with contempt as they stepped into the elevator. “What is the matter with you!?”

“He was stealing women’s underwear!” He pleaded as the doors shut. “I tried to ignore him, but he was just so FUCKING disgusting! And I made sure not to kill him, you saw! He was totally alive, maybe blind in one eye, but alive!”

Devi sagged against the wall of the elevator, the weight of Johnny’s piss-poor excuses bogging her down alongside her irritation. Was that still all it took? One single person acting vulgar and he throws all sanity to the wind? She had obviously been giving him way too much credit. 

She groaned – at least her horrid touch-beast was back in its pit where it belonged.

“You were alone for five damn minutes, and you bludgeon a panty-thief.” She rubbed her temple passively.

“HE DESERVED IT.” Johnny seethed, fingers drawn up like claws. 

Devi crossed her arms and sighed out some of her rage through her nose, low and shaky. She could feel the bolts of her psyche tighten up alongside the long drag of air; screws winding down tight, plates reaffixing to cover the very delicate circuitry beneath that had been beeping with life all night long. How humiliating. 

Was it her own desires that made her trust Johnny time and time again, or was it her little parasite’s interference, trying to distract her in the same manner as Reverend Meat? And did it really matter what it was, in the end? She was the one that loosened Johnny’s lead too much, and this was the result.

He failed to contain his vitriol, again, even when by all accounts he should have been in a good mood. It didn’t matter at all if the victim deserved it or not, Johnny should know that by now, and then to turn right around and smile in her face knowing what he had done was salt in the wound.

“I trusted you.” She said finally, definitively.

Johnny’s posture fell, shoulders sagging, and he dropped his hands pathetically. Devi refused to look at him, and he fought to stop himself from audibly whining – she was right to be angry, he already knew. They would have had a completely nice and normal date if he had controlled himself for just a moment longer than he did. Johnny’s stomach cramped, sick with self-loathing, and he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

The elevator dinged as it arrived at the fourth floor, and Devi stepped out first, mumbling curses to herself while Johnny trailed behind her like a sulking child. She swung her backpack around to her front and rooted through the assorted junk for her keys. Her fingers instead met with the collar and leash still tucked inside, and her head went hot again, embarrassed for being so naive, for offering more of herself when he was fooling her. 

She stopped at the apartment door, and Johnny came up to her side, head still low.

“Devi, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to deceive you, I had every intention to tell you.” 

“I just didn’t want to spoil the mood right before we left and… you looked so happy and pretty getting ready, excited to go out, and… ” He mumbled, tapping all of his fingers together.

Devi’s mouth squirmed, brows knitted together, as she did her best to ignore his comment. 

“I promise, I did not want to kill him, only injure. I purposefully made sure he lived, in fact! Doesn’t that count for something?” 

“No, it doesn't, Nny! You still snapped the second you were alone!” She opened the door and hurled her bag across the room and onto the couch. Johnny followed her in, and the door barely closed before she whipped back around and pointed her finger to his nose.

“Next time we leave the house, you are wearing that fucking collar!” She glared at him with her lip curled.

All of Johnny’s rebuttals about how mightily he had fought to contain himself from his desperate need to enact karmic violence broke away and fell into the sea of his mind, with nothing more important now than convincing Devi to not revoke the pleasantries she offered him tonight.

“NO!” Johnny cried, aghast. “Devi, please reconsider, please—!”

“NO. You lied to me!”

“I did not lie! I told you, I was just waiting…!”

“IT STAYS ON.” She bit out sharply, and Johnny let out a heavy moan of agony. 

Oh, how cruel the consequences of his actions were! He grabbed the sides of his head in a fit, wriggling around in annoyance, spitting and cursing over his horrid luck, before collapsing to the floor. 

So much progress, and for what!? To have it screwed up by that ugly, sexual deviant? He didn’t want to walk around with that accursed leash on anymore, he wanted Devi to hold his hand!! It was so nice and warm and comforting, he wanted it more than anything he had ever wanted before!!

Devi stood off to the side with an unimpressed stare, watching Johnny contort and kick wildly until he tuckered himself out. She rolled her eyes when he devolved into pointless whining, and left for her room. The heel of her boot connected with the door hard enough to shut it behind her, and she hoped Johnny would take the hint to leave her alone for a while.

Instead of washing up or changing, she snagged her stereo remote and went right to her computer. She needed to write out her frustrations while they were smoldering hot; it kept them nice and contained in the specimen jars of her e-journal, preserved to study later when her head was cool. 

Devi turned on some screamo music to drown out whatever noise Johnny might make outside her door, and moved her mouse to click on the book icon of her writing program. A notification with an annoyingly excited envelope popped up in the corner, indicating that she had received an e-mail while she was gone. 

The sender’s name caught her attention right away – “Arthur Guy” – and she felt some of her annoyance already fading at the prospect of a gallery opportunity. At least there was some good news to balance things out – thanks, Art!

Before she could click on it, a chat bubble jumped in front of everything, with an unmistakable green neon panda icon.

[x-XSPooKYX-x]: HOW WAS YOUR DATE!!?? ^_^

Devi stared at the message with one eye winced. She hesitated, but ultimately decided to reply, lest Tenna come upstairs and make good on her promise to drunkenly beat the door down while Johnny was lamenting pathetically in the living room.

[scr3w_0ff]: Oh, absolutely lovely, up until I had to hit him with my car and dispose of the body. 

[scr3w_0ff]: What a mess, they’ll be finding bits of him along the highway for years.

She laughed dryly to herself, then moved on to her journal. If only things were as simple as vehicular manslaughter when it came to wrangling in Johnny C.

--

ONE CRUEL, CRUEL HOUR LATER:

After assaulting her keyboard to vent, Devi begrudgingly forced herself into the bathroom to clean up after another fuckshit date. Despite her body’s unwillingness to cooperate, after rinsing the gel out of her hair and changing clothes, she felt much better. Or at least, she wasn’t debating throwing Johnny out of the apartment window and listening to his body bounce off of the dumpster lids to cure her woes. 

With a tired sigh, she wiped the remaining black and purple from her eyelid with a soaked cotton ball. If she was trying to be “optimistic”, at least Johnny peacocking his true colors around had saved her from prematurely jumping into a physical relationship with him. If they had spent the night kissing on her couch just for her to find out later what he had done, she might have actually hurled his ass down four stories and to his second death by her hands.

“Fuckin’ Johnny…” Devi tensed her eyes closed for a moment. 

She had already debated shoving the mound of clean clothes onto the floor and just going to fuck to sleep, but sleeping on this without any closure between them would probably produce nightmarish dreams the likes of which can only be found within the nine circles of Hell. It wasn’t like he would have any good excuses, but she still wanted to talk to him, to make some kind of mental note about why he did it, if only for her own peace. The idea that Johnny may never improve in any meaningful way was just too miserable for her heart right now.

Devi tossed the used cotton wad into the trash, and unhappily walked to her door, readying herself for the bombardment she was sure to receive from the woeful creature lurking on the other side. 

She turned the knob, but only managed to open the door shoulder-width before she stopped with a silent, startled expression. Johnny stood not three feet from the door, staring at her intensely from her dark living room. 

As her pupils adjusted to the light difference, she could tell his demeanor was a lot less intense than his stare was. His eyes glistened from the lighting of her bedroom, wet and miserable, and his cheeks were painted with equally pathetic streaks of black that ran down and across his jaw.

The sad display helped soften her initial surprise, and Devi gave him an incredulous half-smile.

“Fuck’s sake, Nny…” She chided him. Johnny sniffed and turned his gaze to the carpet, only lifting his hands to pick at his cuticle passively.

“Are you still angry, Devi?” He asked, voice hushed. Devi clicked her tongue against her teeth with a dismissive tch.

She walked past him, flicking on the lights as she did, and Johnny turned to follow her path uncertainly. Devi pushed her backpack off the couch and onto the floor, then flopped backwards to replace its spot with a tired grunt.

“C’mon, let’s hear it.” If a hand could look annoyed, hers did, beaconing him over.

Johnny stared at her in disbelief, having spent the last hour-or-so convincing himself he had once again ruined everything irreparably. He was wary despite this glimmer of hope, and walked slowly to join her on the sofa. Once he was seated across from her, though, the desire to be nearer still was almost overwhelming

“Devi… I really am sorry.” He said to the couch cushion. “I’m so stupid, I know that. Please, I…”

Johnny scooted closer and bent his head down more.

“Please…” He whimpered. “I wasn’t trying to trick you… I’m sorry, I should have just told you, it was stupid and I wasn’t thinking properly, and… ”

“Johnny…” Devi creased her eyebrows, one bent up in question. He lifted his head up, fresh tears clinging to his lashes.

“I was so anxious and worried about our date, and myself, and if you like me, genuinely, like really, REALLY like me, and what to do if you DO, and then that man was SO DISGUSTING—what if he had taken something of yours before!? Sniffing it, rubbing it on his face… His oily, meaty FACE, it makes me WRETCH!!”

As he spoke, Johnny’s body shivered, twitching harder and harder as he worked himself up over the memory.

“And I, I should have just left it alone, I know, I tried to, I DID! But it was making my skin ITCH listening to him!! I thought maybe, since I let him live, that it would be okay – I don’t know why I thought that, I knew you would disagree, but—!”

Devi reached her arms out and held Johnny’s trembling shoulders with a firm grip, and he stilled immediately. 

“Take a breath, Nny.” Her voice was relaxed and that eased him more. She let her hands drop, but one lingered to grab his forearm gingerly. 

“Why were you so anxious? I thought you would be… I don’t know, excited? Happy?”

“I was! I was so, so excited but… I don’t know.” He hesitated, watching her fingers on his arm. “...It feels impossible. Nothing has ever worked, it’s so easy to believe nothing ever will. That sentiment of romance, of something lovely held out to you by someone else – it feels unreal, like surely it must be a hallucination.”

“Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean.” Devi pinched at his skin idly. “But what does beating a man about the face and neck solve?”

Johnny shifted further in on himself, knees half pulled up onto the couch.

“...Nothing. It just lets out this pressure in my head, it makes it quiet again, enough to think.” He sniffed. 

They sat in silence for a while before Johnny spoke again.

“If it makes any difference, I only struck him once, with the washing machine door.” He said quietly. “...I really did try to ignore him, Devi, I did. But the snorting and grunting… ughhh…” 

Devi stared at him, but Johnny would only meet her gaze for a second at a time. She pulled away to rub her forehead while she thought. 

It was “good”, in theory, that Johnny was able to hold off for a few minutes instead of snapping instantly like before, but she was not going to praise him when he still failed to hold in his desire for blood. Selfishly, what was most upsetting was that he pretended like all was just peachy after he was done.

“I’m not saying the guy didn’t deserve it, he’s a nasty son of a bitch.” She decided to leave out the short anecdote about the same neighbor propositioning her to see his ‘nut zone’, keeping in mind what had happened with Eddie. 

The brief memory of the tire iron beating made her feel guilty – did she set Johnny back in his recovery by letting him go wild that night? Maybe that was why he thought it was okay to attack this guy as long as he kept him alive? If that was the case, she couldn’t entirely blame him for acting out.

“...I’m just worried, Nny. I thought you were making these leaps with self-control, and now I can’t stop thinking; Did he attack someone at the movies too? Did he lie when he said he went to the store without issue?”

“No, no!” He started his denials, but realized how far they fell. “I know it is hard to believe me, especially after tonight, but I give you my word, this is the only instance since we picked up the paintings. I would never want to sully your birthday with such brutality.”

Devi watched his face carefully, and hated how much she believed his words. She needed to keep her skepticism, even if she liked him now, for the sake of all their efforts thus far, but he looked so sincere. And a little bit darling, with his eyeliner all ruined from sobbing about disappointing her.

GAWD, she needed better taste in men.

Once more ignoring her own internal warnings, she brought a thumb up to his stained cheeks and brushed away some of the streaks of make-up. Johnny shivered out a breath, eyes closed in bliss, and nudged his face into her palm, finally feeling some relief from his all-consuming dread. 

It didn’t matter how many times their relationship recovered, each time something went awry, he could only assume that this fight would be the one that ended everything, once and for all. Devi was so compassionate and lovely to him, but with as headstrong as she was, it was easy to imagine her realizing what a useless case he was, and pulling away from him completely. It made Johnny sick to think about.

Devi didn't retract her hand from face, and instead cupped her fingers to hold his head properly. Johnny whimpered against the skin of her palm, overcome again. 

How could he have jeopardized his relationship with Devi so carelessly? Again!? 

How many times would he gamble with what was most precious to him? Why couldn’t he just CONTROL himself like Devi wanted him too!? Even now, when she was again so gentle with him, he was hiding more misdeeds from her. Would she hate him if she knew everything? It would hurt her again to find out later, though, wouldn’t it? He promised to confess, but what if she hated him for what he had to say? The idea of losing her petrified him to the bone.

Another wave of tears came, dripping hopelessly from the corners of his eyes, and Johnny bowled over with a sob, the weight of his guilt too much. He pressed his forehead to the cushion, and ground the top of his head into the side of Devi’s thigh.

“I’M SORRY!” Johnny sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry!! Please don’t hate me, Devi!”

Devi watched from above in surprise, uncertain where this new outburst of emotion was coming from. Johnny’s arms snaked around himself in a miserable hug.

“There’s more that… I’ve been keeping from you. Please, please don’t hate me…” He managed between hiccups. Devi’s expression hardened.

“More attacks?” She asked urgently, and Johnny wiggled his head back-and-forth against the fabric to say “no”. That eased her some, and she waited for him to explain himself.

“No, no… I, I just… I…” He sucked in a shaking breath over his lip. “It’s EVERYTHING.” 

“For weeks I’ve been fighting off sleep because I’m terrified I will hurt you!! We spoke about Meat being the cause of the dreams, but what if he’s NOT!?! What if it’s just me and my stupid, fucking, shitty HEAD, Devi!? Each time the dreams grow more vivid, more tangible – what if I think I’m dreaming and something compels me to stab you, to murder you against my own will!? I’ve been so afraid to say it outloud, afraid you won’t treat me the same if you knew!”

Johnny took a few haggard breaths and started in again with renewed upset.

“AND MEAT WAS HERE! JUST YESTERDAY!” He confessed, loudly. “HE KNEW I WAS ALONE!! He’s happy with what I’m doing! SO IS IT BAD!? SHOULD I STOP? He’s no friend to me, I know that, so what does he want!!!”

“And I—” His tongue hitched, horrified over the words he was asking it to form. “Last year, I—”

Johnny squirmed enough to pull his arms out from underneath himself, and wound his fingers into his hair to pull the strands tight.

“I… FOLLOWED YOU HOME…” A sob. “You were yelling, I thought you were in distress!! It was just fucking TENNA! I know that now, but at the time I— I STAYED OUTSIDE and just stared and STARED at your window, AND I… COULDN’T STOP.”

“I WANTED TO SEE YOU, I MISSED YOU!” Johnny curled his knees up, forcing himself half onto his side. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!! There was no intention to meet you, I only wanted to see you for a moment, I swear! Please, Devi…”

Devi watched the sad Johnny-ball at her side with concerned eyes. The stalking was the least of her concerns; Meat appearing in the apartment was much more troubling. She had never seen him herself, and knowing the crafty fucker was smart enough to stay out of sight was alarming. 

“Ah, Nny…” She said finally, and set a hand on the back of his head. “I know.”

The lack of anger in her voice baffled Johnny, and he turned enough to stare up at her past his wrists. 

“You do…!?” 

“Well, the stalking anyway.” Devi twisted a clump of his hair idly.

“Did you see me!?” He jolted up onto his elbows.

“No, it was like… I knew you were there.” She looked off. “It could have just been paranoia, I always tried to believe it was, but when I was “sick”, it was like I could feel it. Feel you, nearby… sometimes.”

Johnny’s eyes widened. He wondered briefly if their shared ailment spawned a connection of sorts, one that drew them together against all odds, whether they liked it or not. He wasn’t sure if he liked the concept.

“It doesn’t matter now.” Devi added, breaking him away from his musings.

“It does.” Johnny interjected. “It was wrong of me. I care so deeply for you, Devi, I can’t bear that I ever did you wrong.”

Devi smiled tiredly and shook her head. There were much bigger issues to tackle here.

“...Why didn’t you tell me about Meat?” She asked. Johnny shifted uncomfortably in his guilt.

“Things have been improving. I still hear him speak, but I see him so infrequently – I figured he was trying to startle me. I can’t figure out his motives otherwise…”

“You can’t hide shit like that from me, Nny.”

Johnny flopped back down and pouted at nothing.

“I know, Devi. I just don’t like to worry you… You’re already exuding so much effort for both our sakes, it would be nice if I could shoulder my own burdens so you don’t have to. That’s the idea of all of this, isn’t it? That one day I can manage without you?”

There was an undesirable feeling Devi got from the phrasing “without her”. Of course, the original plan was to get Johnny back up on his feet as a creative and out of her hair as fast as possible, but now, with their relationship mended and growing, she didn’t necessarily want to be “without” him again.

“I appreciate the thought, but we’re in this together, aren’t we?” Devi smiled at him and poked him in the ear. Johnny puffed his cheeks out shyly.

“Well, yes, but…” 

“So, I need to know if you think something’s going fuck-y. Full transparency.”

“...Okay.” Johnny sighed.

“Even when I’m trying to be helpful, I only cause you more trouble.” He grumbled, embarrassed now for his tearful confessions. “I don’t know why you put up with me. Well, I do, but even if it’s for your own preservation, it seems like more work than most would take on.”

“Hey!” She laughed a little. “It may have been self-preservation at the start, but we’re friends again, aren’t we?”

Devi set her hand on his cheek and held it lazily, once more thumbing away residual wetness.

“I’m not giving up on you, Nny, so bear with me a little while longer.”

Heat crawled up the back of Johnny’s neck while he laid there, staring up at her from his spot by her hip. It was so easy for her to take his breath away, it was humbling. The familiar flutter of his heart that paired with the rising temperature reminded him of the evening’s events outside of this small, hysterical interruption. 

“Thank you.” He breathed, and Devi chuckled to distract herself from how sincere he sounded.

“We need to keep at it. Meat’s definitely happy about us getting, um… closer, but I think if you continue progressing with your art, you can smother him. Let’s work on painting again this week, that would be good, I think. In the meantime, you need to work on your impulse control.”

“I know…” His attention remained on her thumb that had moved on to caressing his jaw as she spoke. He wanted to lay by her side like this, forever.

Johnny looked up to her again, dearly, achingly. 

“Devi… It will not happen again.” He spoke the words like an oath.

Devi felt her stony insides crack in winding fissures, resounding like granite in a quarry, from hearing something so genuine. Additional words weren’t needed to know that the exhausted dedication in his voice was for her – that Johnny was doing this for her sake, out of deep loyalty for her, in an effort to keep her trust. Now, if only he could make good on his word.

“I promise, Devi.”

“You promise a lot of things.” She teased, against her better judgement, and moved to wipe the other side of his face with the back of her hand. “You’re going to have to prove it to me.”

“I will.” He swore again.

Devi turned her head away and covered her mouth to fight the smile off her lips. This damn touch-beast.

With her hand gone, Johnny sat up and finished drying his eyes with his wrist. The night had not ended with the absolute destruction of their relationship, which was wonderful, but even better still, Devi did not take his outpouring of horrible truths badly at all. 

“...I had so much fun with you, tonight. On our… date.” Johnny spoke the word carefully, like it might break mid-air. “I’m sorry for ruining it. Again.”

“Eh, definitely not the worst date I’ve ever had.” Devi joked and Johnny's mouth squirmed, unsure if he should laugh, knowing well what the worst one was. She gave him a soft shove.

“I had fun too.” She reassured him with a tired grin, and Johnny returned it earnestly. 

“I truly am sorry, I can’t stand to see you upset, Devi…” He inched closer. “It’s a lot to ask, but if you’re willing to, would you offer me the chance to “prove” myself to you again? Maybe not soon but… eventually?”

“Hmm,” Devi tapped her lip. “I may be inclined to. Later.”

Johnny beamed for a moment, then laced his fingers together while he eyed her shyly.

“Soooo…” He waited a beat. “I don’t have to wear the leash again, then?”

“Oh, you are absolutely wearing the leash.”

Johnny’s expression fell into comical misery, and he fell across her thighs in anguish, complaining with tearless wailing about the unfairness of it all.

--

--

“Last night was SOOO FUN!! We should do that every weekend.” Tenna chimed. She lounged across the lids of several unoccupied washing machines in the apartment’s basement laundry room, drumming her legs against the metal gleefully.

Devi rolled her eyes to the ceiling.

“You are out of your mind if you think I am going out clubbing once a week.” She snorted, shoving another armful of black clothes down into the grey, sudsy water of the washer in front of her. “That was enough socializing for an entire year. Maybe two.”

“IT WAS NOTTT!” Tenna lamented from her perch. “Okay, fine. Once a month?” 

“Pass.” Devi slammed the lid shut. 

“You are killing me.” Her friend bemoaned as she slid off the clunky machinery. “I’m trying to get a group going! I met this girl the other week and I told her we could go dancing!”

“Then… go dancing with her?” Devi raised a brow at her, now-empty basket resting on her hip. The pair made their way to the stairwell, Tenna yapping all the way.

“We are! Tonight! You suuure you don’t want to come?” 

“Positive.” She looked away with a grin. “I'm already going out tonight, anyway.”

“You are? My dearest shut-in, my favorite curmudgeonly hermit—you are going outside, two nights in a row!? Without ME??”

Devi snickered off to the side, climbing the steps with some enthusiasm.

“Yes, I am.” She held her head up higher, marginally pleased with herself. “Johnny and I are going to the movies, maybe dinner.”

Tenna stopped on the stairs to stare at her in shock. After a few seconds of disbelief, she rushed up to meet Devi’s stride again.

“YOU ARE NOT.” Tenna gasped like it was the most audacious thing she had ever heard. “Like a DATE? Or… did you acquire some new maniac-holding contraption that needs testing, again. A straight jacket? Hannibal Lecter mask? Assless chaps?”

“Well, it’s… kind of a test, I guess.” Devi’s smile remained while she kept her gaze tactfully averted. Tenna was aghast at her lack of denial over the “date” comment.

“OH my GAWD. I told you this would happen!” She swung the door open to the third floor, pointing an accusing finger in the direction of her friend. “You still LIKE HIM! You are both so sticky-sweet STUCK on each other!”

The teasing only served to widen the grin Devi wore. She declined to provide more details, but at the moment, it was all horribly true. Holding him in her arms the night before was exhilarating, cathartic even, after their long, tormented history. Having him trembling and clinging to her without being in a fit of tears was all she had wanted it to be, back when she bothered to fantasize about such gooey things.

And it was exciting to be going out with him again, to be spending time together like normal humans that aren’t plagued by demonic entities and murderous tendencies do. Devi had all but resigned herself to her fate of artistic solitude after what the psychic fat had said to her, and even after growing close to Johnny again, it still felt completely unreal to be going on a maybe-date. Not more than a month ago, doing something even slightly romantic seemed about as likely as being bitten by a vampire and sprouting walrus tusks.

And who knows, maybe it wouldn’t be romantic at all. Maybe they would just enjoy an evening out and have some pleasant conversation, even after what happened last night.

Hee-hee. Who was she kidding?

Tenna side-stepped into the hallway but kept the door propped open enough to stick her head back into the stairwell to add;

“If you don’t message me how it went tonight, I am going to come up to your apartment, fresh from the club, loud and drunk. Just FYI.”

Devi laughed.

“Please, spare me the drunken ravings. I will shoot you a message, hopefully saying good words.”

“GOOD.” Tenna smirked. “Have fuuun~” 

The door shut and Devi sighed to quell her growing excitement. 

It was weird, going home and being giddy to go out with a guy… and the guy is literally right there in your apartment, all day long. At least that way you knew he wasn’t going to stand you up, but it made getting ready a little awkward.

--

THAT EVENING:

Johnny’s knee bounced endlessly while he sat on the couch, hair swept to the side and still damp from showering “properly”, as Devi so-insisted. He still didn’t see what was so wrong about bathing with a washcloth in the sink, but whatever.

The closer the hour of their outing drew near, the more his body twitched with mounting anxiety. He couldn’t even get dressed yet, all of his good shirts were in the dryer downstairs, and there was really nothing else to do until then. Just sitting, paralyzed besides his habitual knee, in the agonizing torture of waiting for time to pass.

He could hear Devi tinkering with random things in her room, and it vexed him so. It shouldn’t have taken her more than a minute to put something on after her shower, so she should just come out of her room already! She told him that they didn’t need to dress nicely or anything, just regular clothes were fine, but with the time she was taking, he suspected she was dolling herself up again anyway. Maybe he would put on some eyeliner…

Devi’s door cracked open and all of Johnny’s internal whining about wanting her to hurry disappeared, completely eclipsed by his nerves about seeing her. She threw an empty laundry basket into the living room but didn’t follow it out. Johnny tilted forward, craning his neck to see what she was up to. 

“Hey, Johnny,” Devi stepped only to her door frame. “Would you mind—”

A very impromptu phone call interrupted her, and Devi paused to quirk an eyebrow at her landline. Johnny took a small breath and chastised himself for being so nervous. There was no reason to be so wound-up about this – Devi looked like she always did, wearing a crop-top and cargo pants.

“Hold that thought.” Devi said. She stepped back into her room and collected her headset off of a shelf full of miscellaneous crap, then stuck it onto her ear.

“Hello?” She asked passively as she walked back to the basket in the living room. “Hm? …Oh! Hey, Art!” 

The smile she gave her earpiece made Johnny’s nose curl. 

“Yeah, I’m free to talk a sec, hold on.” She walked over to where Johnny sat and handed him the basket. “Nny, can you go grab the laundry?”

Johnny’s fingers slid around the basket’s handles, and Devi clutched the mouth-piece of her headset to whisper; “And please, behave. ‘Kay?”

With that, she turned and walked back into her room, chatting away with this “Art” person about how their respective days were, and plans for something Johnny didn’t know about. Against all of his better judgement, Johnny felt his chest burn with jealousy right away. 

Who the hell was “Art”?

He stood and stared at the bedroom doorway. His immediate instinct was to barge into her room and bombard her with questions to ease his sudden upset, but his feet remained rooted to the carpet.

This was another small chance for him to prove himself capable to her – another one, so soon after the last – and it wouldn’t take even ten minutes to complete. There was such an urgent desire in him to to regrow her trust for him, even as his brain sloshed with unpleasant thoughts about this mystery caller. 

He exhaled, long and slow from the bottom of his throat, dragging the sound out like an alligator hiss, before he finally snapped his attention away and left to the basement as asked.

There was nothing at all that he needed to be worked up over, but he couldn’t help it. It was not important, and honestly it was probably just from his emotions being out of whack after yesterday night, but it crawled under his skin all the same. Who the hell was calling her that Devi actually wanted to hear from?

Johnny grumbled as he trudged down the stairs, hoping to avoid seeing any of Devi’s thickheaded neighbors by skipping the elevator.

No, no, NO! This was moronic, he decided to himself. A simple phone call would not put him into a mood when they were just an hour shy of going out and doing something together. He was excited for this! He would simply ask Devi about it, and then all of the annoying questions stabbing his head would be gone—just as soon as he got these stupid clothes and went back up to the apartment. 

Unfortunately, as Johnny swung open the basement door, he was met with another irritant.

Along the wall lined with dryers, a greasy looking man was halfway inside one of the machines, snorting away at… something. Johnny crept closer, already suspecting the intentions of this beast to be as vile as his imagination led him to believe, and his intuition was immediately validated when the man unplugged himself from the dryer’s mouth with a pair of women’s underwear clenched close to his face. 

Johnny’s irises thinned in revulsion, his immediate thought being; “Those better not be Devi’s.” 

He stretched up to leer over the man’s shoulder from a distance, and saw that the dryer was full of nothing but pink and lacy, fluffy things. Definitely not his and Devi’s laundry.

Fine.

If it was some random woman’s clothes, then he would just… ignore it, nauseating as it was. Johnny swallowed his venom and the urge to clobber the neighbor to death with the nearest blunt object, and continued on to another dryer that had finished its cycle. He found this one teeming with only clothing of the dark and striped variety, and, as far as he could tell, it hadn’t been disturbed by the troglodyte behind him. Good. Great. 

He clawed the clothes out into the basket, ready to be done with this errand already, but his horrid mind would not cease, already doubling back to its nagging suspicions. 

Johnny had never known of anyone besides her father or Tenna that Devi would answer the phone for with even a little bit of enthusiasm… SO WHO THE HELL WAS “ART”? 

His brain looped the question again and again, no matter how much he tried to brush it off as nothing of importance. Johnny grated his teeth; it was fine, literally completely fine! It did not matter at all if Devi greeted someone with such casual familiarity, someone that she apparently never felt the need to mention to him in all the time he had known her! 

As he stood, Johnny wove his fingers into the basket's mesh, skin white from his vice grip as he tried desperately to calm himself down. When he would sink into discontent like this before, a little bit of physical violence always straightened him right out. Johnny glowered at the machine in front of him like it was to blame for his turmoil, and kicked the dryer door shut with a booming CLANG! 

That small amount of aggression made him feel a smidge better, but it wasn’t enough. All of his ugly feelings were welling up, smearing around his insides like tar, looking for an outlet that satisfied their ugliness. But Devi had specifically told him to behave! He just needed to get back to the apartment and then talking with Devi would cure his pointless woes. 

UGH! He booted the bottom of the machine again in frustration, and the basement reverberated with another loud BAM!

The noise did not deter the neighbor that was currently thieving panties, nor did it seem to alert him that he wasn’t alone in the room, if he even cared. 

As Johnny walked past him back to the exit, another set of snorts and chortles assaulted his ears, and his skin stood on end, pulsing with disgust. He shot the man a poisonous look, and saw that his head was oh-so-perfectly leaned into the dryer again, right where the door would close. 

Ohhh, and how deserving he was too, being so open with his sexual deviancy, just flaunting how little life outside of his own mattered to him. It would be so satisfying to give him a little bit of karma for being so damn vile, he definitely deserved it, the fucking pig…

Johnny couldn’t help himself.

He reached out to the dryer door and slammed it shut with immense force, striking the man’s skull on both sides and sending blood all over the laundry inside and the floor below. The neighbor fell to the ground without a coherent word, but his confused gurgling told Johnny that he was alive. He offered the man the modest favor of nudging his broken head to the side with his boot so that he wouldn’t asphyxiate on his own blood. What a nice guy he was! 

A cruel smile lifted his lips with a smug snort, and he left the basement feeling much better.

--

When Johnny returned to the apartment, Devi was already off the phone and working gel into her hair. He rocked onto his heels, lingering by the bathroom door, now completely distracted from his prior upset. Devi had changed her clothes while he was gone; the crop top remained, but her baggy pants were replaced with a much tighter black pair. Oh, boy.

“Thanks, Nny.” She said, eyes on herself in the mirror. “Just toss ‘em on the bed, we can fold it later.” 

Johnny did as he was told and threw the laundry into a pile in one motion. He set a knee onto the mattress and dug through the still-warm fabric until he found one of his nicer “Z?” shirts. It was far too hot and muggy outside to layer a long sleeve underneath it like he liked, so this would have to do. 

He left to change his clothes in the art room, electing to also change into his least-faded pair of black jeans. He was grateful for the split-second choice to do so, as otherwise he wouldn’t have noticed the small amount of blood on the metal of his boots as he sat to unbuckle them. 

Johnny gulped, suddenly remorseful for his careless act of violence—not for the protolifeform that he injured, of course, but for failing to stay composed in the few minutes he was away. Devi was trusting him to act properly and she would be so upset if she found out what he had done, even if the fucking asstick deserved it.

It would probably be fine if he just… didn’t mention it. At least not right now! Yes, he would wait until later to mention that little bit of maiming. Or maybe he never would, if it didn’t come up naturally. The guy wasn't dead, so what was the harm? Devi didn’t need to worry about it.

Once redressed and free of incriminating blood splatter, Johnny returned to the bathroom door and found Devi doing her make-up. He watched her for a moment with a coy smile, then remembered his musings about eyeliner. Carefully, he slid around Devi and into the corner of her small bathroom. He hoped that it wasn’t too forward of him to ask;

“May I borrow this.” His finger hooked downward to the stray black pencil on the counter. Devi only gave it a brief regard before returning to her messy eyeshadow with a smile.

“Help yourself.” She hummed while applying a shiny purple shadow across her eyelid with her thumb. 

Johnny plucked it up and leaned in beside her to try and get a good view of his eye in the mirror. Devi snickered, shoulder-to-shoulder with him, amused by the domesticity. 

“Say…” Johnny mumbled while he drew a dark line across his lashes. “Who was that on the phone, anyway?” 

The question managed to come out fairly casually now that he had let off some steam. Devi moved on to lipstick. 

“Mm? Oh, Art?” She smushed her lips together until she was satisfied with the color. “I did that project for him, remember? He was calling about the gallery thing again.”

With all that had happened recently, Johnny had completely forgotten about that. His chest eased finally, freeing his ribs from the remaining anxious tension—he knew he was being irrational earlier, his head just wouldn’t listen. Of course Devi would be happy to hear from someone who was going to pay her, obviously. And it wasn’t that she hadn’t mentioned him before, she just hadn’t mentioned his name, probably because it was unimportant. He was so silly.

“That’s right.” Johnny blinked, his dark circles now even darker. “Is that still going forward?”

“Hehe, maybe so!” Devi shifted in his direction. “He liked what he saw from my portfolio, said it was just what he needed and that he would email me some info later.” 

“Oh, good.” He turned to look at her, and for the first time was aware of how close they were, huddled around the sink together. Johnny blanched and leaned back, pressing himself against the wall in an attempt to create some distance. Devi only laughed.

“Are you ready to go?” She raised her shoulders eagerly, and left the bathroom without giving Johnny a chance to reply. Johnny checked himself in the mirror to ensure his hair and make-up were to his liking, then hurried after her, following her into the living room just as she gathered up her bag.

His face fell when she pulled out the infernal collar again. 

He wasn’t surprised, in fact, as sick as it was, he was almost used to it. But that didn’t mean he liked it.

But when Devi turned to him, warm and eyes trained solely on his, any resistance to the idea left Johnny like a plume of rising smoke. He held his breath as always when Devi stepped close to him – closer than usual, he was sure, as their shirts brushed together for a moment – and fastened the collar around his neck. Her index finger wound around the metal loop, and she gave it a playful tug, tilting Johnny to the side.

“All set?” She smiled, and he nodded back wordlessly. “Good. Let’s go already!”

Devi slung her backpack over her shoulder and, leash in hand, headed out with Johnny at her side.

--

DEEP INSIDE THE CONCRETE BEAST:

The mud-grey sedan slid off the freeway and onto the exit ramp at a concerning speed, only to glide very comfortably onto a street that didn’t look like it had received a new coat of slurry in about a decade. Devi jerked the wheel to avoid a pothole, and continued telling Johnny about their first stop for the night. 

“It’s not as indie as The Camera, but it’s still a neat little theater. Sometimes they play some pretty bizarre, niche stuff.” She eased to a stop at a red light. “I think you’ll like it.”

“I trust your judgement of such things.” Johnny mused, eyes trained on the meandering people outside. It was dark and yet there were still so many people on this side of town, milling around and looking overall irksome. 

They drove deeper into the city, each street packed tightly with more and more buildings and shops and restaurants, and of course, people. So many horrible people. Was Devi trying to test him again? Could it be another assessment of his will, seeing how long he could go without giving in to the urge to massacre the masses? 

His will might do well with some testing, honestly, seeing as he had dealt a blunt force head injury to someone earlier… not that Devi knew about that.

Finally, the car turned into a parking lot gated by a chain link fence, and Johnny pressed close to the glass of the passenger window to glower at the line of people going into the dingy little theater. Devi paid his scowl no mind as she parked, and merrily exited the car like not a thing was wrong with the world. Johnny joined her on the driver’s side, leash hanging loosely at his front. 

Devi left her bag on the seat and turned to her companion with a curious expression. She had been thinking of a particular idea all day, but wondered if it would be wise, seeing as Johnny was already eyeing a group of people disapprovingly. But, he had shown a considerable amount of self-control by going to the store and laundry room unsupervised, as abysmal as that sounded out loud. So… maybe it would be okay? At least, to test out her idea and see if it worked as well as the leash?

Johnny’s spine went taut when Devi placed a hand on his neck, his attention snapping away from the crowd and to her in an instant. She smiled at him cooly, hesitantly playing with the collar’s ring. 

“I was thinking, tonight, maybe…” Devi paused, then tossed her shoulders in a quick shrug. There wasn’t any point in explaining it.

Without another word, she clicked the clasp of the collar and it fell away into her hands. Johnny could only stare in shock as she tucked his beloathed accessory and leash into her backpack and zipped it up. 

“What are you—Devi, I mean,” Johnny floundered in his bewilderment. “Are you certain? I mean really?”

“Think you can contain yourself for one night?” She smirked. His face lit up, elated. 

“I will do my very best!” Johnny smiled wide and Devi clicked her tongue on her teeth with a cheeky grin. 

“Hmm… I don’t know if that’s enough for me.” She mused, feigning a thought. Before Johnny could get out even one word to reassure her, Devi reached her hand across to his and intertwined their fingers. 

Johnny’s mouth vanished beyond a thin line, the flesh of his cheekbones climbing in temperature by the millisecond. His large eyes shot downward to stare at where his and Devi’s hands hung clasped together. 

“That’s a little better.” Devi snickered into her free hand. It was a silly idea, but they were still tethered to one another this way, right?

“Ah-ah... Ahh… h-haaah…” Johnny trembled, his fingers unfurling and regripping Devi’s over and over, unable to process the act. She was holding his hand? IN PUBLIC? Was she implying that she intended to hold his hand instead of dragging him around with that horrible, embarrassing leash!? 

A soft tug started his feet forward, and he had no ambition outside of following where he was led. 

Devi started walking to the building, obviously very pleased with herself. It was stupid how thrilling it was, the simple act of walking around while holding hands with someone. She hadn’t done the ultimate sin of PDA since she was in high school.

“Have you seen Goncharov?” Devi tilted her head in Johnny’s direction, who had returned to staring at their connected fists.

“Huh?”

“Goncharov, by Scorsese?" Her smile ticked up higher, trying not to laugh over Johnny’s brain-numb expression. 

“Oh, uh…” Right. The movies. They were going to the movies. “No, I can’t say I have.”

“Excellent.” Devi hopped up the curb. “It was filmed in the 70’s, but some production drama kept it from ever seeing a release. Supposedly, they’re showing it here this month.”

While they waited in line for the ticket box, Devi explained what small plot points had been gathered by underground magazines over the years, and Johnny nodded along absentmindedly. It sounded interesting, the exact kind of unknown film that flew far below the radar of the average movie-goer that he would be enthused to watch in relative peace, since the masses would rather watch an action-packed shootem’up or a cheesy romantic comedy. However, his mind could only focus on one thing at the moment;

Was this a date? 

Were they already dating? 

When Devi had expressed her lingering interest, did that make them a couple? 

He had no idea how these things worked, seeing as far as his patchy memory served him, he had never had a romantic partner. Even with his lack of experience, he felt like if you were going to become “official”, that there had to be a spoken agreement about it, right? You couldn’t just be mutually interested but never say anything and still be considered a couple, even if you lived together and spent every waking moment together… right?

Johnny swallowed. He wanted to ask so badly, but what if this wasn’t a date, and he made himself look like a presumptuous asshole? Or what if it was obviously a date and he made Devi feel dumb by asking? He didn’t want either of those outcomes, no matter how viciously his musings hammered away at the inside of his skull.

Devi released his hand for a moment, and Johnny’s attention was immediately on her again, fearful that she had somehow heard his fruitless internal monologue. Instead, he was surprised to see that while he had been fretting away about this maybe-kind-of-date, that they had reached the front of the line.

He stood aside lamely while Devi bought tickets, his nude hand flexing awkwardly at his side, now feeling entirely too bare. 

As they moved to walk into the lobby, she took him by the wrist for just a few precious steps, then turned to pass him one of the ticket stubs. She pointed towards the concession stand behind her. 

“I’ll get snacks, think you can find us a good spot?” 

There was no reason that they couldn’t do that together and then go find seats, it was simply another small show of faith, and Johnny knew it. Leaving him unaccompanied, surrounded by people, for even five minutes was a huge gamble on her part. Very un-Devi-like of her to let him loose without her watchful eye—this night was full of surprises.

He couldn’t help but wonder, was it really trust, or simply a test like he suspected earlier? She was so charismatic and sneaky, maybe she didn’t trust him at all but she wanted him to believe she did, to see if he would get overly comfortable and slip up? Did she know somehow that he had a lapse in judgment earlier and was planning an elaborate punishment for him? That sounded like something she might do.

But she was being so sweet, and touchy, and close to him, and he didn’t think that she would go that far.

“Yes.” He kept it brief, distrustful of his treacherous tongue if he dared to say a word more. 

Devi gave him a cute “ok” gesture with her fingers and left him to it. Johnny watched her walk away and squiggled his fingers at his side again anxiously. This all felt so abnormally casual, like they were just two people out together like everyone else here, and not two victims of horrors beyond human comprehension, trying desperately to relearn normalcy. There was so much weighing on this outing, Johnny could feel it forcing him down like Sysophus and his stupid fucking boulder. 

If this went well, then… maybe she would…

ENOUGH.

He needed to focus on what was literally happening at this very moment, and that was the task of finding suitable seats for the movie. Johnny handed his ticket to the usher and took the torn stub with him to the designated theater, using all of his brain capacity to ignore all outside stimuli.

The room was already dark, save for the blinking grey of the screen, and he could see the silhouettes of a handful of heads poking out from the seats, scattered and secluded from one another. This was good; the less people in here the better. Johnny’s attention fell to the seats closest to him, the ones that lined the back wall of the room. While he usually would want to sit in the middle seats for the best view, this row was empty, and it kept anyone from kicking his chair or spilling something from behind, which is what usually set him off like an illegal firecracker. 

Johnny slid down the aisle, all the way to the end, and took the corner seat. With wall to his back and to his left, and soon Devi to his right, that kept him as isolated and as unlikely as possible to find something that pissed him off. Now if everyone would kindly shut the hell up during the movie, life would be grand.

It didn’t take more than five minutes for Devi to join him with a bounty of popcorn, candy, and one very red slushie. Johnny took the off-brand Freezy with grateful hands while Devi settled into her seat beside him.

“Corner seat, very private.” She commented with a grin and Johnny stifled a cough around the straw of his drink. 

He didn’t have a moment to defend himself before the screen went black, bathing the theater in a temporary darkness as the movie started up. 

As soon as it did, Johnny felt something wind behind his arm, wrapping around and back over again and pulled him to the right with a little tug. Johnny turned his head in confusion just as Devi gripped onto his bicep with her other hand and leaned her head fully into his shoulder, and only then did he realize that she was hugging his arm.

Electricity sprung from where their skin touched, down to the bone, completely petrifying his body rigid and upright. Devi could feel the jolt and smiled contentedly, not at all disturbed from her spot. She gave his arm an extra squeeze while she got comfortable, but did not move otherwise. Johnny tried to swallow but nothing wanted to move. Were his organs shutting down?

This wasn’t too different from when they sat on her bed, besides the fact that it was completely different in every way. It felt leagues more intimate, sitting in a dark theater, in public, arm in arm.

This was definitely a date. 

He was so stupid, of course it was a date.

Johnny knocked his head back against the wall in an attempt to restart his brain. That poor, useless machine of his had taken quite a few heavy blows in the last twenty-four hours. The impact with the wall returned his breathing to him, and he swallowed a much needed lungful of air between his clenched teeth. Devi’s body felt so enticingly warm up against him, and he internally berated his choice to not wear longer sleeves. The skin-to-skin contact was making him go mad. 

He could see in his peripheral the film playing overhead; men in dark coats, Russian accents, someplace foreign, Europe probably? Who knew. The only thing of any concern in his mind at the moment was how Devi’s fingertips felt brushing the skin of his arm.

Devi tried to stifle some of her excitement, but it was pointless. She was having way too much fun with Johnny in her grasp, twitching with nervous energy that was so thick you could spread it on toast. She had wanted to eat him alive on their first date, but kept her hands to herself as long as she could, all the way back to his house. If things hadn’t been interrupted by two shitty brain parasites, who knows where the night would have gone. 

The memory of how badly she had wanted him was so embarrassing, even now when she was testing the waters again. She didn’t want to come off as desperate for affection or something, but it was simply too thrilling every time Johnny jumped at her touch. She had always imagined he would be jumpy and shy.

Devi turned her head, mouth painfully close to his ear.

“Nny.” She whispered, and bit her lip to not burst out laughing when his head yanked as far away as it could go. 

“Hm!?” He hummed back from a “safe” distance once he gathered his bearings. 

“Popcorn?” Devi smiled innocently and took one hand away to rattle the box at him. Johnny shoulders dropped a measure at the passive question, and after a few more seconds, he returned to the center of his seat again.

“Oh…” His voice hushed. “S-sure.”

Johnny’s left hand trembled uncertainly as it passed over its brother that was currently locked to the armrest, and ventured tentatively to the container sitting in Devi’s lap. She didn’t move, but it still felt like he was intruding somehow, entering her space so callously, as if he had any right to be there. She was giving him the permission to do so, even, but still it didn’t seem like enough. 

Once he had a proper handful of popcorn in his fist, he retracted his arm as fast as possible and stuffed the wad into his mouth. He prayed that the imitation butter flavor would help distract him from the haunting concept of social cues and the alluring call of physical touch from the only person he would accept it from. 

Mmm, Flavacol.

A quick suck of his red slushie to wash it down, and Johnny’s head finally leveled enough to process his feelings. He was surprised – that was an understatement – with the sudden public display of affection, but it was certainly not unwelcome. It felt like a fantasy to have Devi so forward with him, wanting to touch him, to hold him close. He was relieved that his jerking hadn’t startled her into letting him go. Quite the opposite, in fact, she seemed to revel in his squirming. How wonderfully sadistic his date was. 

His date, heh.

Johnny pursed his lips with a nervous smile, and like before, bent his head to the side and set his cheek to her hair. He felt her frame rub against his arm again from a muffled chuckle, and he did his best to not explode again.

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