You didn't specify a Rook so I'll choose Ava de Riva, because she's silly.
15. Rook's packing list for travel to a quest location
Hossberg Packing List because Bellara said these things make it easier to not forget stuff
daggers duh
wet stone (if I hear davrin complain about unsharpened blades again)
something heavy, fur lined maybe, hossberg is miserable
lucanis
snacks, lots of snacks (bellara makes tasty honey bread, get some extras)
change of clothes?? fucking darkspawn
extra daggers
BOOTS (maybe evka will let me leave a few pairs behind, fucking darkspawn)
is there a way to get hot chocolate in hossberg
A note is scribbled in the corner in Lucanis' neat handwriting below the list:
if we can find a way to keep the chocolate hot, i will prepare some for you
Below that is another note, this one in Taash's handwriting:
find a way to transport the chocolate without blight getting into it and we'll talk
29. Something written to Rook post-game
Rook,
It feels like too long since we've spoken. I know I don't say this often but I'm proud of what you've accomplished. There is still a place for you here in Treviso if you wished to return.
-Viago
Teia's handwriting is scrawled across the bottom of the letter, elegant in its loops:
'don't say this often' ... he's so full of it, he's never said it and now that he has, and i have evidence, he's never going to live this down.
ps: please do come back, rook, I need someone to torture viago with. he is, after all, your brother
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1) The best book I've read so far this year is The Death and Life of Great American Cities by Jane Jacobs, which is all about city planning and economics and why certain cities and neighborhoods work and why they don't. It's impossible for me to walk around NYC now without being like, Jane would HATE this, Jane said this was a bad idea, I wonder what Jane thinks about this, etc.
8) Favorite queer fiction is probably Fingersmith by Sarah Waters, but everything she writes feels targeted to me specifically. I'm also a big fan of queer historical romance novels, of which there are never enough, but Cat Sebastian is always looking out for me and I love that.
32) Favorite authors: Vonnegut, Kazuo Ishiguro, Sarah Waters, Patrick Ness, P.G. Wodehouse, Margaret Atwood, M.T. Anderson, Meg Cabot, Sarah MacLean, Cat Sebastian, Neil Gaiman, Thomas Piketty, Jane Austen, Adam Silvera, Rebecca Stead, Claire Legrand, Tana French, Gillian Flynn, Christopher Paul Curtis, and Jason Reynolds. There are a bunch more writers I admire and books I've loved but haven't read more of the author's work yet. But I know if I pick up a book by any of these authors I'm almost guaranteed to like it. I'm super far behind on YA and middle grade, unfortunately, normally there'd be more of that on my list
Ohhhhhh heavens! Let me dig into the ...how many words do I have on AO3 right now? WHAAAAAAT LET ME DIG INTO MY APPARENTLY 1,184,730 WORDS when in the world did I break that million word marker!! Oh--probably with the backlog I posted from early FF.net days--though now that I think about that, that's probably not more than 80k words. Incredible!
Anyway. The answer is they fucking hover. Both of them, clingy as limpets. Hawke hovers and tells bad jokes; Fenris hovers and gets mad. They're both protective to a fault--and I mean that, it's really not healthy for either of them. Fortunately, they don't get hurt much, and when they do they mostly heal quickly. At least the way I hurt them, anyway. Mostly.
Part of the problem is Hawke's determination to prevent pain for all others by taking all of it herself. She's the richest, the most socially powerful, the one apostate beyond Meredith's reach; if anyone poorer or weaker or shabbier than her gets hurt in any way, that means she, personally, failed to protect them and balance out the pain scales. Is that healthy? No! Is that going to make anyone else happy to avoid that pain? No! Does that matter? No!
So in contrast, Fenris's "keep your head down, protect yourself first" attitude provides some of that necessary counterbalancing. Also, if Hawke getting hurt would cause Fenris pain, it's no longer a perfect preferable option, so she can't default to that as her first response anymore.
Is this healthy growth? Ehhh, close enough.
13. favorite sexual activity?
Under the cut, just in case!
Also, fair warning: going to discuss Danarius pretty frankly here. That said, I think they're both reasonably adventurous! Hawke only had one long-term partner in Lothering and a few stolen kisses during the Meeran year before Fenris shows up, so I don't think she's nearly as experienced as Fenris is. I think she'd enjoy anything that prolongs the experience of the intimacy (edging) or relies heavily on intimate trust (light bondage, blindfolding). She also unashamedly loves being the center of attention and is perfectly happy to entertain herself while Fenris watches.
She doesn't get a lot out of spanking/flogging and would not find giving up all of her control a pleasurable experience, not just because of her personality, but because as a mage losing control of herself is possibly her most fundamental horror. I don't think she could ever let go in a sexual context (especially to a non-mage who will never really understand that struggle) without breaking part of her mind in the process. She's also completely incapable of taking a roleplay scene seriously, though I'm sure she'd try if Fenris asked.
That said, anything that Fenris likes is very, very high on her list. She very seriously wants him to enjoy everything they do, preferably with very little pain involved, and I think in the early reunion days she's almost overly focused on him to the point it makes him uncomfortable. Still, she's got enough natural selfishness that doesn't last overly long, and they find a pleasant equilibrium soon enough.
Fenris is so much trickier. I have some extremely complicated headcanons about whether the things he likes are things that Danarius trained him to like vs. his own natural preference and his struggles to figure out if that matters over the years, and I definitely think that extends to his sexual preferences. I think at the start with Hawke he's deathly afraid of bringing in anything he ever did with Danarius (because if Danarius enjoyed it, what kind of monster would it make him if he has some of those fantasies too? If he gets pleasure out of the same act Danarius did, is that not poisoning Hawke in the same way Danarius poisoned him?).
And the thing is, I don't think the things that interest him are even necessarily that exotic! I think he likes being pegged so long as he can see Hawke the whole time; I think he likes very mild D/s (both sides); I think he likes giving oral. I think he knows he's incredibly good at it on both men and women (see again: my beliefs about how Danarius deployed his abilities), and I think he finds tremendously empowering pleasure in applying these skills in a way he has chosen for himself, on a person he cares about, rather than on some object of his master as part of a dispassionate political manipulation. I think Fenris also knows he is very, very good at this in general and likes having that honed skill recognized by his partner; that it's someone he loves and who loves him is a new bonus layer to the experience. I even think he'd be okay with light binding eventually, though neither of them is ever going to be interested in shibari or anything like that. Still, it takes a long time to get him to even begin opening up about some of this stuff, even with Hawke.
I do think he has a major praise kink, on that topic. But God, it has to be done such a specific way to ring true for me; for me, the idea of Hawke calling him any nicknames which infantilize him or force shame is just an instant hard stop brick wall. Any banter, nickname or otherwise, anything that implies shameful inexperience (or shameful EXperience), lack of control, extreme youth/naivete, or otherwise undermines his dignity and pride, is just--ugh, please no. (I read a fic once where he was called "baby boy" for most of it and I just couldn't get over how much it made my skin crawl. It may work for other Hawkes & Fenrises, but man, not for mine.) He's scraped his pride out of absolutely nothing and for many years it was literally the only thing of worth he had, and even in play I don't think Hawke could stand to see him humiliated. On that note, I think Danarius used to call him "my dear," and Hawke never calls him that as a result. Pretty much other pet name is on the docket, though.
Other than that, I think Fenris also just gets a kick out of sex where he gets to enjoy himself. His control is immaculate and I think he likes exploiting that against Hawke; I think knowing he's going to for sure have a good time at the end regardless makes him more interested in holding out as long as possible some nights.
I do think Hawke has a marginally higher sex drive than Fenris, but again, she's perfectly happy to take care of herself when Fenris is either out or not in the mood. Thankfully, he's also completely okay with this.
@ your tags on the doctor/fatshaming post - SAME SAME SAME literally the endocrinologist who told me i had thyroid cancer looked me in the eyes six months later and said "so is this the heaviest you've ever been?" and it's been a year and a half and i STILL don't have an endocrinologist even tho lol no thyroid because i'm afraid they'll be mean to me. this is v long i'm sorry
God seriously!!! It’s the worst I hate it. You’d think someone who diagnoses this sort of disorder for a living would have some measure of tact but NOPE. “stop drinking fruit juice” my ass!!
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It differs WILDLY depending on my mood. At this precise moment I’m torn between the Chemical Worker’s Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GzcGOgxDoEk
and honestly Despacito BUT NOT THAT JUSTIN BEIBER NONSENSE FUCK THAT SHIT.
46: what my last text message says
text from my mom saying if i went up to the roof of my apartment building I might be able to see the rocket launch.
58: Description of my best friend?
i have a lot of friends but there are two i describe as my bestest friends. Like soul mate homies. Both are shorter than me. Bat Trash (an affectionate moniker i swear) is curvy, her hair is unpredictably colored, she’s the loudest person in the universe, she takes less than no shit, is an ENORMOUS FUCKIN NEEEEEEEEEEEERD but is also prolly the wisest person i know.
My other best friend is Curry. she’s smol, her hair is curly as FUCK and she’s probably the single kindest person I know. She’s also the best fucking writer i’ve ever fucking seen and YOU FUCKIN KNOW HOW MANY WRITERS I KNOW she’s just so good okay she’s amazeballs and i’m fuckin staggered by her constantly.
also she’s insanely pretty and she needs to just naught????!!!!!!!!
BUT DO NOT BE FOOLED CURRY IS ALSO A GIANT FUCKIN NURD BUT IT’S WORSE BECAUSE SHE GOT ME INTO THIS FUCKING CANADIAN GODDAMN TV SHOW CALLED LETTERKENNY AND I CAN’T FUCKING ESCAPE.
anyway that was louder than you probably anticipated :)
