so much of the experience of having undiagnosed/unrealized DID is just being confused about yourself all the time. not having a consistent sense of your identity, not understanding your own emotions or where they’re coming from, not understanding why you feel so disconnected from yourself and the world around you, doing things and then not remembering them, or remembering them but feeling like it wasn’t you, having a confusing and contradictory self-narrative that seems to change all the time, etc… to be honest, this continues even after you realize what’s going on, but at least then you can start trying to make sense of things. you can go, okay, so this is how my alter understands her experiences, and this is how it differs from mine. you can start to recover memories you’ve lost, start to integrate things that had been separated from you, or at least come to acknowledge their existence. but before that? complete nonsense. you’re unable to understand your own life because so much of that life is being hidden from you.
