#josia

Josia Tiger Moth (Josia sp.), family Erebidae, Guatemala

“I thought you would have at least bought me a drink before trying to see me naked.”

I hold the mug of tea in my hand, noticing the shakiness of my hand. I shrug it off before sighing, I haven’t felt well all week. I had three days off work last week and I know Jac is going to pissed off with me! I finish my tea before walking off into the ward, seeing some of the nurses busy doing jobs, “oh Dr March, Miss Naylor wanted a word in her office.” A young nurse says hesitantly, I roll my eyes before turning on my shoe and waking to Jacs office. I knock lightly on the door and open it slightly, “you wanted to see me?” I call out quietly as I watch the formidable red head spin around in her chair and delicately place her heels on the ground. She gives me one of her infamous glares before gesturing for me to to walk in, “glad to see you back Dr March- hope your feeling well.” Jac states sarcastically, I stare at the ground ignoring the twinge of pain in my stomach and lower back, “sorry about last week, I was really unwell.” I reply trying to justify myself, “and I was a senior consultant down, do you know how many surgeries I had to cancel and rearrange?” She replies sternly, I shake my head, I know better to just let her say what she has to say. “Do you know how many days off I had when I was pregnant. None. Because I just sucked it up and got on with it.” Jac says harshly, I nod and take deep breaths, my heart suddenly pounding in my chest, “bed 5 aortic aneurysm prep for surgery- your assisting.” Jac says holding out a patients file, I nod and gladly take the document before rushing off back onto the ward.

“Well done Dr March. That was good surgery.” Jac says as we walk back onto Darwin after successfully repairing a patients aortic aneurysm. I nod and smile to myself, “I am working on a new project at the moment and need an assistant surgeon. Walk and talk.” Jac says matter of factly, I quickly pick up my water bottle and follow behind her listening to her proposal. The two of us get into the lift, probably heading to Hansens office, I’m not really taking anything Jac is saying in, as a pain fills my body and stomach. That’s when I notice the lights flicker off and the lift come to a stop, “we’re not moving.” I blurt outloud immediately panicking, “what?” Jac asks staring at me through her glasses, “the lift, it’s stopped.” I state agin looking around and feeling my heart race. “Okay well don’t panic I’m sure there’s some explanation, I’ll ring the alarm.” Jac says rolling her eyes, I clutch my stomach, I know there is something wrong with the baby. “It’s not working. Dammit, I haven’t got any signal on my phone either.” Jac says now understanding the seriousness of the situation. “Woah, are you okay?” She asks as I clutch my stomach in pain, panting slightly, “I think there’s something wrong with the baby.” I mumble getting out of breath, “great! Just great! That’s fucking fantastic!” Jac says throwing her hands in the air, “Jesus you really helped calm me down. Thankyou!” I reply sarcastically as I let out an inaudible groan, “Jac something is wrong.” I whisper panicking to the max now, tears filling my eyes as I fear for my life and the baby’s. “I’m sure it’s just Braxton hi-“ she begins to say before water comes splashing out of my legs onto the floor and her shoes, “oh god you have got to be kidding me!” She says as I smirk slightly, “you were saying?” I mumble, I see her roll her eyes and place her folder down in the furtherest corner of the room, “Jac it’s too soon. I can’t be in labour. I’m only 26 weeks.” I whisper completely terrified at the thought of giving birth in a lift, with only Jac Naylor, when I’m this early. I try to read the usually stone faced consultants face as I see fear and panic fill her own eyes, I start groaning again as the pain becomes too much to bare. “Right Okay. I’m taking charge, Zosia sit down, pull your trousers off, have you got a vest top on?” Jac says confusing me, I nod and continue to groan, “take your top off too, so we have something to wrap the baby in.” Jac says nodding. I nod in too much pain to protest, I slowly pull down my blue scrub bottoms that are soaking wet and kick them to the corner, and use all my strength to pull my scrubs top off leaving me in black knickers and a black vest top- not something I would have wanted Jac too see me in. “I thought you would have at least bought me a drink before trying to see me naked.” I mumble offering Jac as smirk as she rolls her eyes. I scream out in pain again as another contraction hits me, I reach out and grab hold of Jacs arm squeezing tight and feel her lower me to the ground.

“Jac, Jac it’s too early. The baby- it- it can’t come yet.” I scream out in pain as I continue to panic, “Well this baby is coming whether you like it or not, so we have to do what we have to do.” Jac says sternly as I nod, preparing myself for the fact that my baby will probably not make it. “Zosia I need to see how dilated you are.” Jac says as I nod, I watch and grimace with pain as another contraction hits me. “Okay, yep your 10cm.” Jac says wiping her hand on her trousers, I nod, feeling like I’m about to throw up. “I can see the babies head, push, Zosia come on push!” Jac says as I hold her hand squeezing tight and screaming, “Okay, stop, don’t push, just breath.” Jac says as I freeze, it should be crying. Why isn’t it crushing. “Pant now, babies head is out, just little pushes.” Jac says her own face even paler than normal. I give one last agonising push before a weird sensation comes over me, it’s out. “Why- why isn’t it crying?” I ask, already crying as I see Jac shake her head. I watch as Jac carefully cut the cord, “Jac?” I whisper knowing the answer, everything goes into slow motion as I begin to sob, knowing I’ve lost my baby. I watch as Jac wraps it up in my top, rubbing it’s back hard and giving it cpr.

Then my heart stops as I hear the most incredible sound I have ever heard in my life, the small, weak cry of a baby, my baby. “Zosia, you have a little girl.” Jac says wiping away her own tears as she places the smallest baby in my arms, I cry as I stare at the tiny thing. She doesn’t even look like a baby. I stare at her, eyes shut and all pink, my heart filling immediately with love. I keep her close to me, trying to keep her as warm as possible. I reach out and grab Jacs hand, squeezing tightly, “Thankyou.” I whisper, tears rolling down my face, she smiles at me and kisses me gently on the head.

That’s when we notice the lights coming back on and the lift moving, it’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. The doors open to the ED and Jac immediately jumps up calling for help, almost instantly nurses appear and I’m on a trolly and being whisked away.

48 hours later

I stare at the tiny little baby in the incubator, her heart rising fast as she tries her best to breath. I wipe away tears and sit back, still sore and in complete shock of what just happened. I grab one of the nurses and tell her I’m going for a walk and grab my bag. I pull my cardigan around me further and make my way up to Darwin. I walk down the corridor smiling at some of the nurses before stopping outside her door. I lightly knock and her stern, cold voice makes me smile. “Oh Zosia, I didn’t realise it was you.” Jac instantly says as I walk in, “how are you doing? How’s the baby?” She asks as I take a seat on her sofa, “I’m doing good, very emotional and she’s fighting.” I say smiling, Jac nods and a comfortable silence fills the room. “I know you don’t do sentimental gifts but I got you this.” I say handing over a small bag, she raises an eyebrow before peering in, revealing a willow tree ornament, that’s the angel of hope. “Zosia it’s lovely, you didn’t have to get me anything.” Jac says smiling returning her gaze to me, “theres one more thing, I wanted to ask, you can say no, but if you would be her godmother?” I ask with a tear filling my eye, “you really want me to be her godmother?” Jac asks sounding surprised, “you helped her come into this world and let’s be honest everyone needs a Jac Naylor in the corner!” I say with a small laugh, at which she laughs and nods. “I cannot Thank you enough for what you did. I will be eternally grateful.” I says smiling Jac nods, I know she finds it hard to take compliments like this. “Have you thought of a name?” Jac ask trying to avoid the tear in her eye from falling, I nod and smile, “her name is Liliana Jaqueline Anya March.” I say smiling, Jac smiles a tear now rolling down her cheek. “It’s beautifull.” She whispers I nod and stand up, “I had best be off, Thankyou.” I say waking towards the door, “I’ll pop down when I finish up here to come see you both.” She says smiling l, I nod and smile before walking out the door and back to my perfect little baby.