#joshkiszkaxreader

Hand in hand, giggling down the strip, tripping and stumbling, you’d never felt more elated. Well, with Josh you always did. He was a ball of sunshine in every sense of the word and life of the party, but your favorite part was after the party. Both of your tipsy or way more than tipsy selves would stumble back to the hotel while giggling, shit eating grins on your faces, knowing how the night would end. It was usually sloppy, uncoordinated, and fun. But that’s how you liked it after a good night out. You just wanted him to touch you, to kiss you, to nibble on your skin, to drunkenly stumble out of his boxers and almost hit his head on the nightstand. He’d laugh it off, crawling up onto the bed with the pillowy duvet that felt so soft like clouds, hands groping you shamelessly while he would grind himself against your thigh. Half the time you’d almost choke on his tongue, tasting like his favorite cocktail: salty dogs, and either fireball or straight tequila shots.

Tonight would be no different, but, Josh was a little more drunk than usual. Not that you didn’t participate, of course you did. Throwing back a couple shots, sipping on fruity cocktails while he ran up when it was his turn for karaoke. He usually drunkenly sang ‘Uptown Girl’ by Billy Joel or ‘Brandy’ when he was extra drunk. Tonight, he chose ‘Super Trooper’ by ABBA. An odd one, but of course everyone loved it, cheering him on and singing along while laughing as he forgot words or didn’t start quick enough.

You met him offstage, immediately linking elbows with him. “You’re getting sloppy, babe.” you joke, and he presses a slobbery kiss to your cheek akin to a dog licking you. You’re too lazy to wipe it off, pecking his cheek in return.

“I’m havin’ fun!” Josh rolls his eyes with absolutely no annoyance or bitter tone, his big brown eyes practically sparkling.

“I know, I know, you love to party hardy.” you unlink elbows and snake your hand around his waist, patting his hip. He snorts, but leans into your touch.

“Ready to go?” you ask him, whispering in his ear before taking his gold hoop between your teeth to tug at it, trying to make your intent known.

“Mmm…” he hums, pretending to think on it while his eyes dart to the ceiling. His eyes drop back to you, a Cheshire grin forming on his lips. “Maybe one more shot.” His fingers drum over your side.

“We are not doing one more shot, one more shot my ass.” you laugh and manage to drag him out of the bar, his sweaty hand laced with yours, clasping it in a tight grip while he stumbles back through the damp city streets. It was misty, and perfect for a walk back. You were eternally grateful it wasn’t too cold.

Grabbing the key and pushing it up to the entrance door, you fumbled until you heard a beep and shoved you and Josh in as quickly as possibly, quickly opting for the elevator.

He shamelessly groped your ass in the elevator, eyes darting to yours before looking at the floor numbers rise on the tiny screen above the elevator buttons. His foot tapped impatiently, cheeks flushed in the overly fluorescent white light.

Josh immediately grabbed you and grinned when the elevator dinged at your floor, pulling the keycard out of his pocket. He ended up bumping his hip on the wall a few times at his very poor attempt at walking in a straight line.

You didn’t exactly know how but you had ended up inside the hotel room and had even managed to lock the door. Josh pawed at you, groping every inch of skin he could while simultaneously trying to pull off your shirt. It was sloppy and uncoordinated but you couldn’t help but love it, he was so gone for you, so unbelievably needy that he didn’t know what he wanted first. So, you pushed him off you slightly and pulled off your shirt, leaving your bare chest on display for him. He grabbed at your hips, then your sides, then your chest, his mouth reaching over to lick and suck at your neck and collarbones.

His mouth reached up to yours and your teeth clashed, both of you letting out the stupidest giggles into each other’s mouths. “Kiss much?” you tease with a peck to his lip.

“Mmm…” he pecks your lips back, and you can feel his mustache brush against your top lip, making you shudder. “Sometimes.” he grins into his next kiss, hand splayed against the small of your back while he tried his best not to wobble.

You both break apart and manage to stumble into the beautiful king sized hotel bed, laying back on the duvet that felt so soft against the bare skin of your back. You reach your hands up after he pulls his shirt off and immediately go to grab his pecs. “Damn, baby.” you giggle with a grin. “You’ve got some titties.”

“Shut the fuck up!” he laughs, trying to seat your hands away but it’s not out of malice. He sloppily kisses your neck, goosebumps forming over your skin as his saliva cools.

“C’mon.” you flip him over and straddle his stomach, clumsily inching yourself down to his thighs. But, there’s something odd, he isn’t hard.

“Josh..” you frown, slightly confused. You look back down at his crotch which doesn’t have the usual bulge. “Do you not want anything tonight?”

“No!” he immediately defends himself. “I do, I do.” he rapidly shakes his head, hands going to your sides to rub them.

“But you’re not… hard.” you try your best to say without being too brash.

“Maybe just- maybe just play with it a little, get the blood pumping?” he suggests with a tilt of his head, tan cheeks flushed a strawberry pink.

You nod your head, immediately undoing those horrid khakis you hate that he wears out constantly, that and his stupid white sweatshirt that you’ve tried to hide in the back of the closet. Pulling them off with his boxers, you immediately skip just touching him and opt to go a different route, wrapping your mouth around him. The size difference is comparable, and you can easily get most of his length in your mouth. He jolts, shocked. “Jesus fuck, babe!” he can’t help but laugh out, his breath sucked out of his flushed and sweaty chest.

Your other hand goes to play with his balls, you push your head down and take all of him but not even a twitch, he wasn’t even close to half hard. His dick was still limp in your mouth, a very odd feeling.

After a few minutes of this, you pull him out of your mouth with a slightly disappointed look on your face. “I’m sorry, it’s- it’s not happening. I’m hard in my mind but my dick won’t compute.”

You chuckle at his words, getting ready to just cuddle with him and fall asleep but as you grab your shirt he stops you with a sharp: “No!”

“No?” you tilt your head at him, eyebrow raised.

“Just cause I can’t get it up doesn’t mean I don’t wanna fuck you.” Josh tries to drunkenly explain.

“You can’t fuck me, Josh.” you remind him with a roll of your eyes. Was he just trying to tease you and failing?

“I have fingers.” he wiggles them with a stupid grin. “And my tongue-“

Before he can demonstrate you cover his mouth with your hand, yelping when he bites them. “Okay, okay, I get it.” you shake your head.

“Hop up, pretty.” he pats his cheeks with that stupid kiszka wink. “C’mon.”

“Joshua-“ you protest.

“Nope! Don’t full name me, hop up.” he shakes his head, reaching for your hips.

“But-“

“Up!” he tugs at your hips, pulling you where his shoulders meet his collarbones.

“Mkay.” you can’t help but roll your eyes at him, chuckling at his need to please. If josh was anything, he was a stubborn piece of shit. When he was adamant, there would be no changing his mind.

You quickly lift your hips and pull your underwear down, sliding off of him to kick them off before sitting back onto his chest. “I love dessert.” he giggles before grabbing your hips and immediately shoving you down onto his face.

“Joshua!” you yelp, but before you can get a snide comment in his tongue immediately laps at you.

“Fuck!” your fingers reach up to grip the headboard, he shakes his head so his nose repeatedly brushes against your clit, giving you the best jolts of stimulation.

The sound is downright secular, sinful in nature. But, it felt oh so delicious, way better than anything that money could buy. He lifts your hips up for a moment. “Fuck, baby,” he looks up with glossy eyes. You can’t tell if it’s due to lust or the many drinks he’s had, probably both. “God, you’re so yummy.”

“Yummy?” you snort at his choice of words.

“Yummy, delicious, delectable, tasty, mouthwatering, succulent, exquisite, heavenly, divine-“ he rambles on, listening every possible synonym he knows.

“I get it!” you giggle, stretching your back. Your neck looks back and you can see his dick twitch, looking a little bit harder than before.

“Hold on.” you tell him, flipping yourself around so that you were facing his crotch.

“Is this a better angle for you? You should’ve told me-“ he whines out, and you can almost see his pout.

Your hands splay at his stomach, and you trace your fingers down to his pubic bone. Another twitch. Your eyes light up.

You arch your back, pressing a sloppy kiss to his pubic bone and his hips immediately jolt, a bigger twitch. You lick your lips, lulling your tongue out. The tip of your tongue touches just below his belly button, the start of his happy trail. And you sloppily lap down his happy trail like a thirsty dog. You can hear him groan, sending beautiful vibrations straight to your clit. You moan in response, pressing sloppy kisses to his pubic bone, his happy trail and trimmed pubes glistening with saliva.

In return, Josh happily shoves his tongue inside of you, curling it perfectly to make you squirm and shake in delight. You grabbed his mostly soft dick and pressed kisses to the tip of him, giving him little kitten licks. This just makes him curl his tongue with greater enthusiasm.

“Mhmmmm.” he groans into your pussy, pulling his tongue out of you to suck onto your clit. His tongue flicks at it at a sloppy rhythm, and you’re lucky you’re so horny because regularly this would not be enough to make you cum. But, right now, it feels downright euphoric.

You take him into your mouth, slowly sucking on his tip before moving down an inch, then another. His flicks to your clit become even more sloppy, and he knows that, so, he just suckles the best he can. You groan onto him, his hips buck, sending another inch into your mouth. Thankfully, you don’t choke. Your thumbs rub circles into his hips, fingers scratching the skin above his ass to let him know you were there. But, josh is still mostly soft, and you’re not sure if he’d even be able to cum tonight. Still, you enjoy the closeness of him in your mouth, it feels like you’re intertwined, souls meshing for at least just a moment.

Josh grips your hips tighter, rocking you against his mouth to give you as much stimulation as he can, and you shamelessly rock your hips against his tongue.

“C’mon, baby.” you can hear him mumble from underneath you. His fingers side down and squeeze both of your asscheeks, pulling them apart slightly to have better access between your folds.

After a good minute, you can feel your muscles tighten and your thighs shake. Josh immediately locks his hands on your hips to prevent you from pulling away. You can’t help but shut your eyes, feeling the height of the orgasm crash over you like heavy waves. Your toes curl and you shake, Josh continuing to swirl his tongue.

And then… you relax, pulling him out of your mouth as the serotonin rushes to your brain. You wipe your mouth with the back of your palm and he finally stops. Flopping over, you giggle and look at him with dreamy eyes, still seeing stars.

“Still got it,” he says proudly with a wink.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “Please, you could barely get close to being half hard.”

He gasps dramatically, hand on his chest. “I’m wounded, truly wounded. I thought you loved me, it’s supposed to be in sickness and in health, you know?”

“I don’t think whiskey dick counts as in sickness, probably in drunkenness. And we aren’t even married so you can’t pull that.” you tease, poking his cheek.

He laughs and pecks your lips. He stretches out, sighing before getting himself up. “‘M gonna brush my teeth. All I can taste is pussy.”

You hear the front door open, the quiet shuffle of feet, the rustle of a bag being set down— but no greeting. No waltzing in with some dramatic greeting, maybe sniffing the air exaggeratedly and declaring, My love, you’ve outdone yourself once again! No cheeky commentary about missing you after his long, arduous trip to the salon.

Just silence.

You frown, wiping your hands on a dish towel. “Josh?”

A beat. Then, finally, softer than usual, “Yeah?”

You turn, expecting him to be standing in the doorway, but he isn’t. He’s still lingering in the hallway, just out of view, like he’s not quite ready to step inside.

“Are you hiding from me?” you tease, stepping toward him. “Because if this is a terrible haircut situation, I need you to know I’ll still love you. I might laugh, but I’ll still love you.”

Josh exhales a small laugh, but it’s forced, barely there. “Not terrible,” he mumbles. “Just… very different.”

Your chest tugs. He’d been debating this cut for weeks, going back and forth, worrying about whether it would suit him. And now that he’s actually gone through with it, he sounds— apprehensive. Not his usual confident, playful self, but hesitant, uncertain.

You close the space between you, reaching for his hand. “Come here,” you say softly.

Josh lets you tug him forward, lets you guide him fully into the warm glow of the light. And when you finally see him, your stomach does a little flip.

His curls are still there, still thick on top, still him, but the sides— shorter now, cropped close enough to make the shape of his face stand out even more. His jaw looks sharper, his cheekbones more defined, and God, it suits him so well.

But Josh doesn’t seem to think so.

He looks up at you through his lashes, chewing at his lip, fingers twitching at his sides. “Be honest,” he says quietly. “It’s weird, isn’t it?”

You scoff, tugging him closer. “Joshua, are you kidding? You look stupidly good. Like, offensively good.”

His mouth quirks up slightly, but it’s clear he’s not convinced. His hand drifts to the side of his head again, nails scratching the freshly cropped hair. “I don’t know… I keep looking at it and thinking maybe I should’ve gotten my usual instead.”

You huff, already tugging him toward the living room. “Sit,” you instruct, plopping down behind him on the floor, in front of the floor length mirror, your legs bracketing his waist. “Look in the mirror.”

Josh sighs but does as he’s told, shuffling between your legs as you grab his face gently, guiding it toward the reflection.

“Now, I’m not exactly sure what you see when you look in this mirror,” you murmur, dragging your fingers through the soft curls at the top of his head before trailing them down to the shorter sides. “But I’m seeing the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

Josh blinks at himself, lips pressing together. “…You think?”

You scoff. “Do I think? Joshua, you look ridiculously good. Like, rockstar-who-knows-he’s-hot good. Like, let-me-run-my-hands-through-your-hair-until-you-forget-about-dinner good.”

A breathy chuckle escapes him, quiet but real. Encouraged, you lean down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.

“You have the best face,” you murmur, smoothing your hands through his curls. “Like, objectively. It’s almost rude how good you look. And now I can see even more of it.”

You never felt too good in crowds, or with people around. The anxiousness bubbled up in your gut, and sometimes, it could even get to a point where you’d vomit. It was embarrassing really, your best friend could socialize perfectly well. He could dance and flirt and sing and laugh with about anyone, charming everyone in his path while he cleared a line for himself. He was like some sort of sun god, there was a glow about him, he was electric. Electric gold.

And, of course, he managed to sweep you up too. Immediately rushing over to you and plopping down in the seat next to you before getting up clumsily and asking you if he could sit there. You silently nodded, immediately feeling disdain rise inside you. But, when he grinned that perfectly white wide tooth grin, and pulled a perfectly sharpened pencil from his pocket to hand to you, you immediately were smitten. You were convinced no one could hate him.

So, even if you didn’t want to, you accompanied him to a friend’s birthday party, a friend you didn’t know. And you couldn’t help but be shocked when he grabbed your hand firmly and yanked you out of the house, eyes wide, breathing heavy, hands shaky and cold with sweat. You’d never seen him this affected by anything?

His eyes pleaded with you to go, like how so often you’d do the same. And even if you’d wanted to leave from the beginning, you couldn’t help but feel so confused. He absolutely loved parties, it was one of his favorite things. “We’re going?” you tilted your head, lips parted, eyes squinting at his.

He rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath that sounded more like a child’s sulk. He pulled you further, opening the door and shoving you through, you made an audible ‘oof’ at that with a bitter chuckle. “Don’t you want to leave?” he turned the question back at you, not cool. You weren’t going to let him flip shit back into you. “You hate parties, I’m doing you a favor.”

A favor? This was the first time you’d had fun at a party or any social gathering in ages. You’d been the designated driver as always, but you’d managed to chat up a conversation with Dave, Danny’s friend. You didn’t feel the minutes dragging, nor did you have the immediate itch to go home. Why could you never have your fun? It surely felt that way.

You couldn’t help but scoff, eyes widening at his audacity. Yeah, you didn’t like parties, but you also agreed to go with him. In fact, you wanted to, you loved watching him flourish. And he made sure to never leave the room you were in, always at arms length. That was good enough for you. Plus, you’d been catching up. You were actually having a good time. “I was fine, Josh.” You can’t help but spit back. “You’re the one shoving me through the fucking door like you’re moving a couch that’s a little too big.”

He looked equally as frustrated as you at your response to him. He marched down the driveway, letting go of your hand. He dug into his pockets and pulled out his keys for his jeep and clicked it, the jeep making an audible ‘beep’ and its headlights lighting up. You weren’t dumbfounded. What in the fuck happened in the short forty-five minutes you’d been there? You rushed to the car, opening the passenger door than shutting it a little louder than intended.

Josh looked over at you, bottom lip wobbling before his eyes went watery. He gulped, eyes darting away from just a second before they looked back at you. “He was there.” Josh finally spat out, biting his bottom lip so hard he drew blood. He yelped then pulled his teeth away.

“Him?” you were sure you knew who it was, just wanting some sort of confirmation. His eyes darting over, a nod, a gulp, a nod. Fuck, anything would do. Josh had this guy he had fallen for, and he thought the guy did too, the situationship went on for two whole years. Josh, ever the kind man, waited and waited. The man who begged him for sexual favors being the same man to tell Josh that ‘he wasn’t ready’ and ‘he just needed to work through some things’. And even though you knew Josh didn’t believe him, he’d wait. Because maybe, just maybe he was wrong. But after two years Josh got impatient and snapped, asking why they wouldn’t date. And at that, the same guy who would butter him up to get what he wanted blocked Josh right when he texted him that. Apparently he had no use for Josh anymore, and that killed him. Josh felt weak, unlovable, and most importantly, used.

And used he was. You were disgusted someone could do that to him. No one deserved that, Josh being prime example. And as you asked that, there was a sense of hesitation before he nodded. You could tell he was trying to hold himself together, but everything would come crashing down. Because Josh was emotional, not one to ever bottle his emotions. Though you mainly saw him smile and laugh, he would always let himself grieve.

The drive back to his apartment was silent, the radio wasn’t even on to distract you from the way your heart ached at his hurt. He didn’t even acknowledge you when he opened his door, he didn’t help you out like usual either and it kind of pissed you off? You understood he was upset but there was no need to shut you out.

So, like the mature adult you were, you stomped out of the car and grabbed his arm as he walked back inside. His eyes shot to yours, flinching slightly. Tears were now streaming down his face, snot pooling from his nose and his face was splotchy and red. He didn’t even bother to wipe the tears that were threatening to drop from his jaw, just staring at you like a kicked puppy. His bottom lip stuck out in an obvious pout.

You sighed, dropping your hand from his arm. His eyes darted to yours and immediately dropped to the floor, his beautiful whimsical self reduced to a puddle that rolled down the hardwood floors. He stomped upstairs, slamming the door shut. Okay, so he was really hurt, probably the most hurt you’d ever seen him. And that made you feel so guilty. But at the same time did he have a right to treat you that way even when upset?

But, you couldn’t help but feel the need to help him, to comfort him, to tell him you were sorry and that you understood why he wanted to go. But, did he want you there?

You looked up the stairs, contemplating if you should go up there or not. Josh was a person who loved touch, and he usually liked being comforted so you decided to take your chances. After you ran up the stairs you knocked against the door softly, not hearing a word behind the door. You weren’t used to seeing him like this, Josh wasn’t supposed to act like this. He was supposed to be fun, and mildly annoying to anyone else who didn’t actually know him. You knocked again, hearing a small whimper.

You took that as permission and opened the door, grateful that it wasn’t locked. Slowly opening the door, you saw him sitting, almost laying back in his bed. His head tilted down, his eyes looking at his bedsheets. His pants had little droplets all over his thighs, looking like rainfall. You crawled next to him in the bed, leaning your head down on his shoulder to check his reaction. He let his temple rest against the top of your head. His hand slowly reached out for yours and you gladly laced your fingers with his, giving him a reassuring squeeze. “You okay?” it was a stupid question really, of course he wasn’t okay. But you felt the need to say something.

He looked up from the bedsheets, his big brown eyes red and glossy. He shook his head, licking his lips to wet them. “I don’t even miss him.” Josh whines out, his voice cracking. “I just miss having him, if that makes sense.”

“Josh, you spent two years hoping he’d commit to you, it’s not unusual to feel that way.” you murmured, looking up at him. You reached your other arm around his waist, pulling him closer, tighter, feeling the need to keep him close. You just wanted him to know you cared, even if it didn’t feel the same.

“Seeing him was like a flashback, felt like I was my grandpa remembering Vietnam. Like, you enjoy it in the moment and you think what’s going on is good then it just crumbles. And I feel so stupid for thinking ‘well, maybe he’ll finally settle down’ or ‘he’s just not ready yet’ I told myself that for two fucking years. I could’ve had someone who truly cared about me.” Josh spilled his guts, finally fully talking about it. You felt so horrible that he felt so stupid, so naive. Josh was always the optimist, always thinking of the good side of the situation. And sometimes that could really fuck him over.

“I don’t even think I was in love with him, I was more in love with the idea of him finally loving me. You know? I just wanted someone to care.” he sighs out a puff of air from his lips. You get it, of course you do. It was nice to be cared for, to be appreciated, to be loved.

“So…” You paused, pursing your lips. “You were in love with the idea of him? But more so the idea of him loving and wanting you?” you asked, trying to make sure you got it correct.

“Something like that.” Josh admits with a weak nod, his hands going up to his head to tug at his curls.

You shifted yourself in front of him and grabbed at his hands, pulling them away. “Let’s not do that.” you chuckle weakly, placing his hands in his lap.

You cup his cheeks, making him look at you. And the look on his face is almost longing? But, why would that be directed at you?

“Y/N..” he murmurs your name shakily, his brown eyes meeting yours. “Am I handsome?”

You almost burst out laughing at that question, if not for his pouty, tear stained face. Of course he was handsome, he was one of the most handsome people you’d ever seen. “Josh..” you sigh out. “Of course you are.”

“You’re just saying that!” he huffs out, crossing his arms, trying to pull his face away from your hands.

“No I’m not!” you defend yourself, yanking his face to look back at yours. “Where’s all your confidence, honey? You know you’re gorgeous. You’re a whole diva. And I like you like that. You’re supposed to be loud and giggly and flamboyant. That’s you, Josh.” you explain to him, trying to drill the words into his skull with how close your mouth is to him.

His lips part and his brows furrow, his hands go from his lap to around your waist, pulling you into his lap. He holds onto you like a lifeline, only lifting his head to press a sloppy and wet kiss to your cheek. If he wasn’t in the state he was in, you would’ve giggled or maybe pushed him away with a shove of his shoulders. Instead, you drop your hands from his cheeks and wrap your arms around his shoulders, hugging him tight, scratching between his shoulder blades, lazily drawing circles on his shirt over his skin.

You don’t expect Josh to then push you off of him and curl up, muttering out. “‘S fine, I’m fine, doesn’t really matter. It’s all stupid.” he groans, his palms covering his eyes, almost pushing into them.

“No Josh- you’re not fine-“ you start but he cuts you off.

“I am fine!” he says a little too loudly, startling you. This wasn’t how Josh was, and you wanted to be there for him, but why was he making it so damn difficult? “I’m just being a fucking idiot, it’s pathetic, really. It was just a stupid fucking situationship- I need to get over it.”

“That’s not how anyone works.” you can’t help but roll your eyes, sitting down in the corner of his bed. You kept him at arms length.

“It seems like it. Jake can just move on, a girl breaks it off with him and the next day he’s fucking some other girl.” Josh defends his stance.

“That’s horribly unhealthy, he’s using sex as a coping mechanism instead of actually letting himself process everything. And you know how he drinks when it happens, he gets drunk and makes some bad decisions to distract himself.” you try your best to explain, reaching out and taking his hands away from his eyes. They were bloodshot, and very watery. His bottom lip was stuck out in a pout, and it trembled. The sight alone almost broke you.

“And-“ you can’t help but make this point just like you did time and time again. “You’re not Jake, even if you two are so similar. You’re your own person, babe, you know that.”

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel like that.” he scoffs slightly. “I mean, I just wish I was more like him.”

And with that the tears in Josh’s eyes spilled down his face and dropped down his jaw. His knees were pulled up to his chest, he was slightly rocking himself for a little bit of comfort. You pulled his knees away with your hands, sliding between his legs to wrap your arms around him. Once you did that, his legs immediately locked around your waist, he buried his face into your neck, and his arms wrapped around your middle so tightly you felt your stomach cramp.

So, you do the only thing you know you can do. You pull his face away, pulling on the hair on the nape of his neck and immediately press a wet, opened mouth kiss on his forehead. To your surprise, he leans into it, his bottom lip stopping its twitching. It’s working. Lightbulb. So, you continue. Another kiss to his left temple, then his right, then the bridge of his nose, then his actual nose. You almost eat his nose which makes him choke out a slight giggle. He cranes his neck, chasing your kisses. So, you travel them lower, kissing his cheeks, then the corners of his lips, and then his chin. You wonder if you should stop, but his face pushes slightly towards yours. So, you kiss just under his jaw, resting the waters. It’s the same reaction as before, he even slightly hums a little.

Your hands go from his shoulders to his head to brush down his unruly curls, mostly due to him pulling and running his fingers through his hair. He purrs like a cat, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Your thumbs brush over his eyebrows slowly, and you can practically see his eyes roll back at the contact. So, you do it again, slower, and you press your thumbs down just a bit more.

Then, your lips press just under his ear, and he doesn’t pull you away. In fact, his arms lock around you tighter. A wave of confidence bubbles up in your gut, you purse your lips and press opened mouth kisses down his neck. And you’re absolutely delighted when he groans slightly. “Is this okay?” you whisper, mouth just under his ear.

“Please…” he begs, not knowing exactly what he’s begging for. Please continue? Please hold me? Please don’t go? Or maybe it was just… please? He didn’t know, all he knew was that he loved this, he felt adored, and butterflies swarmed his stomach.

“Shhh.” you whisper, kissing down his neck over again. You gulped, pulling away when you felt his crotch twitch, his cock couldn’t help but stir in his pants. Was this too far?

“Do you want me to stop?” you pull away again and he whines, making your stomach lurch.

“What do you want, Josh?” you ask him softly, scratching at the shaved sides of his head, just behind his ears.

He bites his lip, eyes darting to the wall. You can hear him gulp, can see his Adam’s apple bob. “Well, it’s hard to think of much of anything else when you’re basically making out with my neck.” he chuckles, he finally chuckles and that turns your concerned expression into a grin.

“So…” you smack your lips, still holding onto him but feeling slightly awkward.

“I should probably go to the bathroom and fix myself.” he unlocks his legs from around your waist and pulls his arms away from your middle. You grab his arm, not really knowing why you did it.

“Do you want me to help?” slips from your tongue and you immediately turn as red as a beet.

His eyes widen, his mouth parts in a silent gasp. “You’d-“ he coughs. “You’d do that?” he flushes as pink as you, cheeks looking sun-kissed, like he just got back from the beach.

“Josh, I’d do anything for you.” that wasn’t a lie, you would. You went to multiple shitty parties with him, dealt with pushing his drunk self back into his jeep, called him an uber on multiple occasions, cuddled him to sleep when he couldn’t, and now you’d kissed all over his face so he wouldn’t cry any more than he had.

“This is so fucking embarrassing.” he groans, pinching at his nose. He crosses his legs, yanking a decorative pillow from his bed to fully cover himself.

“No, babe, it’s normal. I’m not upset.” you shush him, trying your best to reassure him.

“Okay, okay.” he sighs, the anxiousness in his face wearing off. His legs spread slightly and you scoot from between his legs, eyes going down to his crotch.

You grab the pillow and drop it onto the floor, your eyes looking at his face, then the growing bulge in his khakis. You couldn’t help but despise those pants, he wore them everywhere. It was like Jake and his shitty blue jeans. They both had their favorite shitty pieces of clothing, as did everyone.

You reached your hand out, your fingertips barely grazing before he let out a hiss and pulled you to straddle his thigh. He needed the comfort of someone’s body against his. Your chest pressed against his and he let out an audible sigh of relief, like he was afraid that if you weren’t touching him you’d vanish into thin air. You palmed him through his khakis and his eyes darted to yours, big brown doe eyes pleading at you. He pushed your hand off, unzipping his fly before putting your hand back. His eyes roll back and he lets himself relax.

“Do you wanna lay down?” you ask him while palming him over his boxers. He was at least half hard and deliciously thick. But, this wasn’t about you, this was about him.

He nodded, and you helped push a pillow under his waist and put a couple of pillows behind his back and neck. He was half lying down, half sitting. He pulled you back onto his thigh, puckering his lips.

You leaned down and captured his lips in a kiss, both mouths parted as he sucked on your bottom lip, eyes fluttering shut. His palm went to your lower back, hand fitting under your shirt to scratch at the warm skin.

You reached your hand down into the hole in his boxers and carefully pulled him out, watching his cock slap against his clothed lower stomach. He wasn’t too big, just above average, but he was beautifully thick. You pulled away from his lips and he let out a soft whine, your left hand reached up to scratch at his scalp.

“Can you spit in my hand, please?” you held your hand out below his mouth, just over his chin. Instead of responding he simply gathered up his saliva and spit it into your palm. You kissed his cheek as thanks.

You wrapped your hand around the base, watching his face as you gave one slow pump to lube him up with his own spit. You could’ve sworn you saw a bead of precum leak from the very tip of his cock. Pressing your lips back onto his, you swiped your thumb over his tip and swallowed each and every small groan that left his lips at the small gesture. His hand that was on your back pressed down and pushed you closer, even if it was only an inch. You’re practically sharing breaths with the way he groans, swallowing them with pure bliss. You rock against his thigh slightly, pulling away from his lips to kiss and lick at his jaw and upper neck.

He definitely appreciates it, bucking his hips up into your hand, involuntarily jacking himself off. He lets out a strangled whine, eyes squeezing shut and his brows furrowing. He sucks in a breath. “Haven’t been touched like this cause someone wanted to in-“ he gulps down a breath. “In two years.”

Your smile drops at that. How dare someone ever do that to him? You knew Josh liked to give, you’ve heard his hookups talk about how good he was with his tongue especially. But, you’d always believed in giving back.

Josh twitches with every stroke of your hand, with every soft pass of your thumb over him. He squeezes your hip as if it’s a life raft, feeling himself go off into sea. Every flick of your wrist is like a crashing of a wave that gets closer and closer to shore. Bringing Josh closer and closer to orgasm.

Your eyes continuously flick from his face down to his cock, not being able to discern which sight you like more. Josh’s hand that was previously on your back goes to the back of your head, scratching at your roots to encourage you to kiss all over his skin. And you comply, again reaching down to press kisses all over the exposed skin his crew neck would allow.

“You doing okay?” you whisper, wanting to check in on him, making sure that his whines of pleasure aren’t turning into anything different.

“Yeah.” he breaths out heavily, practically panting like a dog in need of water. “Fuckin’ great.”

You use his encouragement to speed up a bit and he immediately shakes his head. “No, no- not yet-“ he rasps, bottom lip between his front teeth. “Want it to last a bit, please.”

You nod your head and slow back down to slow, languid strokes, making sure that your hand goes from all the way down to the base to all the way up to his tip at every stroke. You don’t want to miss a single centimeter of him.

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” his praise went straight down to your gut, making your stomach twist in the best possible way. He was leaking, you hadn’t even needed to spit onto him again because of it. That was enough to make your head spin.

You squeezed him a bit harder, still keeping the pumps of your hand slow. He seemed to like that, trying his best not to rock his hips up or chase your hand. Though, he did buck his hips a few times, muttering weak apologies every time. You shook your head at that, nipping his gold earring on his earlobe.

Josh pulls away slightly to pull off his shirt, a thin layer of sweat on his chest that shines in the moonlight that radiates from his sheer curtains. He looks ethereal, and most definitely edible. So, you kiss at his collarbones, sucking small marks into the skin. He grabs for your other hand and puts it at his side, squeezing your hand so you squeeze the side of his stomach. You get the hint and squeeze at his side, crescent shaped indents marking his tan flesh. Your sucking and kissing turns into nipping, your teeth scraping against just under his collarbones. He shudders, back arching slightly off of his bed, and his hand that’s in your hair joins the other one on the other side of your hip. Your hand speeds up just slightly, your fist tighter. You lift your from him to blow your hair off of your forehead. He chuckles, lifting his hand from your hip to push it back before his hand goes back to squeezing you. You revel in his little puffs of air, his soft groans, the way his back slightly arches if you apply just a bit more pressure. He has never looked prettier, mouth parted in bliss, the shine of sweat on his skin, the way his eyes look up to his ceiling.

“Can you squeeze just a bit more?” he pants out and you eagerly nod, your kisses on his left pec, just above his nipple. His head nearly hits the headboard when you take his nipple into your mouth, nipping at the bud and sucking. His hands tighten around your waist and start to rock you on his thigh.

“Ffffuck!” he yelps, hips bucking when you deliver a slightly more aggressive nip. His dick twitches in your hand. You let your pinky feel his balls, tight and firm, but yet so velvety soft. He was clearly so close to orgasm, you just had to give him that one extra boost. You take his hand off his hip and reach down to his balls, softly squeezing them. His eyes immediately dart down to you and he groans louder than you’ve ever heard. His hands on your hips rock you faster, wanting to give you some semblance of the pleasure he was feeling.

You give his balls a harder squeeze and his head flys back, eyes rolling into his skull while his lips part and he groans deeply. You look down and see him twitch, his cock shooting out thick ropes of cum before he softens in your hand, twitches once more and sighs. “Holy shit, that was-“ Josh heaves, trying to catch his breath.

You peck the corner of his lips, nuzzling your nose into his upper cheekbone. Lifting yourself up you rush into his bathroom and grab a washcloth, dampening it under the sink before you return and wipe your hand and his stomach off. You press a soft kiss to his lips, he hums, rubbing your back. “I don’t think I’ve come that hard from a handjob in years.” he sighs, praising you.

The praise sends butterflies swarming down your stomach, and after he’s all cleaned he requests to cuddle with you, which you gladly agree to. With his arm wrapped around you, he asks. “Can we talk about what happened? I wanna know what you’re thinking, because, I’m thinking a lot of things right now.”