incoherent rambl about Jolly thinking his feeling towards Fel are fake
The revelation in AF2 that Jolly doesn't understand his feelings towards Felicita— he sees them as fake, as an imitation of real feelings (so that's why he describes them as an artificial fire that can't emit a real light)— was an interesting choice, especially considering Jolly already had problems with believing in Fel's own feelings towards him. He is not merely hard to love—he is impossible to love (in his own opinion), that's why he constantly waits for Fel to betray him in some way or another; why he wants to break up with her in ED1, why he tells her ”you can leave, you know?” in ED2, why he is seemingly okay with Elmo trying to snatch her away in Elmo ED.
He is waiting for her to give up on him because, well, she must, she will someday. It's easier to let her do it now, so he won't be left alone later—like ripping a bandaid off when the wound is still fresh. He have already broken up with her emotionally to some extent.
But him not believing in his own feelings? When in the AF he had told Fel before the Duelo that he'll think about them becoming a couple and then ultimately decided to give it a try? When he acknowledged that he has feeling for her? When in the AFVF the whole point of his route was him coming to terms with the fact that yes, he cherishes her more than he thought, he puts her above everyone else (except Mondo, ofc). It was an expected and a logical development of his feelings: he puts her ”at the centre of his world” as he says to Joshua.
Therefore, I was quite perplexed. Yes, his behaviour towards her is not even a bare minimum, it's even lower than that, but still—he treated her as someone important to him, someone he cherishes and wants to be with. It felt like a regression from the AFVF.
Maybe, with time he just noticed something is inherently wrong with his feelings towards her, not like it should be. Maybe, seeing her loving him so earnestly made him reflect on his own feelings—but he isn't capable of loving her the same way. Maybe, he is simply scared. Maybe, some parts of him hate her for making him more vulnerable, more prone to anger and despair.
But Fel is stronger than me because if my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know if he loves me—even more, he is torn between the desire to ruin me and the desire to have a peaceful life with me—I would ugly cry.
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