#john20

Now Thomas, one of the twelve, called the Twin, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into the mark of the nails, and place my hand into his side, I will never believe.”

Eight days later, his disciples were inside again, and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe.” Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

I am with Thomas when he hears the news. “We have seen the Lord.”  Thomas  hears what they are saying, but he has seen the blood stained body. He still remembers the sound of the hammer clanging against the nail. He heard words gasped out loud from that horrific cross; “It. is. finished.” as he watched Jesus suffer the excruciating pain and take that last blood soaked breath. 

So when his friends came back with this news, well... perhaps his heart just could not go there. He trusted and really believed that Jesus was his long awaited Messiah. So his response seems only reasonable for someone walking through this kind of grief. I mean, I get it. Jesus did not seem to be acting and doing what was expected of this Messiah. And forgive the pun but this had to be the final “nail in the coffin” of Thomas’s belief. 

So Jesus comes to him. Isn’t it beautiful that Thomas doesn’t have to go find Jesus? It is just like Jesus to do this too. He is always coming and finding us in the middle of our doubt. God started looking for us in a garden and he continues to find the doubting Thomas’s of this world wherever they are.  Jesus comes to Thomas’ place of brokenheartedness and gives him the beautiful gift of seeing and touching.  “Don’t be without belief, rather believe.” The Greek word here is “unbelieving” not actually doubt. So doubting Thomas is kind of a misnomer that has been handed down through the centuries. 

Why is that important? Well its not because doubt is wrong. It isn’t wrong to have doubt. Thomas did have doubts, we can hear it in his voice. But this word “believe” is really important to John because his Gospel is all about  belief that is connected to relationship. Within it is the idea of trust. In Spanish the word for trust is “confianza.”

I love the word “confianza.” We used it so much in Dominican because in Spanish it carries the connotation of trust in relationship. And I remember that time my Dominican sister Sugeily told me I could call on her to help anytime because we were “amigas de confianza.” Or she would share from her heart because we had “confianza.” I could trust her and that meant she was the kind of friend that was there for me day and night, sickness, health, whatever-- that kind of friend. 

You see Thomas’ heart was broken. His friendship with Jesus was crucified on a cross. He knew what it meant when people die. So to actually believe that Jesus was alive was to put your heart back into that place of hope and make it vulnerable to the disappointment of a lie.

And Jesus, his “amigo de confianza” meets him,  and compassionately shows him the nail scars in his hands. Thomas’ reaction is not a statement of doctrine, it is a statement of relationship “MY Lord and MY God.” Not The Lord, but MY Lord. 

John 20:1-31 (King James Version)