ugh i really hope tom and joe are hands-on daddies and i hope they’re super helpful around the house
i swear to god you two, nobody cares how amazing your career is if you’re being little shits at home
if i ever hear that you suck at being dads and husbands i will destroy you
i will find you, do you understand
so get up at 3am
grab those dirty diapers
soothe them colicky babies
make breakfast for the wife when the sun comes up
clean up after breakfast
do the laundry
clean up after the dogs
and tell your wife she’s beautiful even if she’s cranky because her nipples are sore and the stitches still hurt and everything sucks
ok
no, shut up, i am actually threatening you
because i can ok i have promo’d your life for free for 2.5 years
i’m basically the publicist you don’t pay
now go be useful












