When I was two or three I was abused by my babysitters husband. My parents met them through our church, and we had a number of family friends that occasionally had them watch their kids at the same time, so they seemed like they could be trusted. He abused my friend and I repeatedly. In the woods behind his house, in his basement, and in his room while his wife was distracted. He threatened my life and my family if I ever told anyone. He bribed me with small animal pets as a way to keep me quiet. I handled a large amount of abuse, but my friend had to deal with much worse. I blacked out every memory as a way to cope. When I was in middle school I started attending a church with the same friend that was abused. We became good friends even though we hadn't seen each other in years. The man that abused us was in the same church. In high school, one night before youth group started, my friend had a letter for me to read. In it she asked if I remembered anything he did to us. It was like someone had been shaking a bottle of champagne for 15 years and the cork finally popped. All the memories flooded my brain. We decided to talk to the ministers in our church. They told us there was nothing they could do. Our abuser kept attending church. He said we made it up. The church elders had a few meetings about the matter behind closed doors. They all agreed to do NOTHING. One of my close friends worked for the church later in said they made him sign paperwork that said he would never bring anything about it up if he wanted to keep his job. They silenced our pain. There is a lot of talk about Nature vs. Nurture when it comes to queer issues. Are kids born gay or are they raised gay way? Some people are certain they are born gay, but because of the severity of abuse I faced I cannot say for sure one way or another. I repressed a lot for a long time. Shortly after I came to terms with the abuse, I came out of the closet. I ended up going to a lot of therapy, and my therapist urged me to understand that being gay is ok, and that it doesn't mean that I'm broken or a freak. The same year I came out of the closet I started to express myself using glass as my primary medium. I use art as a means of letting go and embracing life. I want people to know they are not alone. There are people out there who have been through similar things and understand your pain. ART IS LIBERATION! If you bottle your feelings, it is only going to create more suffering. Take your pain and make something out of it.
