#jitak

“Why do you have a weird look on your face?” Keeho was standing to the left of Intak, taking a sip out of his red solo cup after asking his question.

Intak kept his head forward, casually crossing his arms over his chest. “Just tired, I guess.”

He desperately hoped Keeho didn't notice how he was holding his breath, needing him to be the last person to know what was actually running through Intak’s mind. He had only just arrived at Jongseob's house party and he was already wanting to shrink himself down or have the ability to turn invisible so no one could see him leave.

He wasn't usually like this, and that was probably why his change of energy was so apparent to Keeho. He had never said no to a party, especially one of Jongseob’s, and yet tonight Intak didn't want to do anything but self loath in his bed as he watched couples grind on each other to the beat of the music.

Keeho lifted his arm to wrap it around Intak’s shoulder, squeezing at the muscle to shake him playfully. “Well, wake up. There's like a gazillion girls here begging to go home with us.”

Intak couldn't hold in the laugh he snorted out. Every time he had gone out with him, Keeho’s overzealous attempt to hook up with anything that walked on two legs usually ended in vain, and Intak knew tonight would be no different. He wasn't even sure if Keeho would be able to count his successful nights out on two hands out of what has felt like hundreds. Intak pushed him off before he could feel his clammy skin.

But he couldn't talk. Intak was no different, worse even. The last time he remembered touching a girl was years ago, too many to count, at his school dance where his sweaty hands left prints on his date's dress. It was like he was at a job interview that wasn't hiring without past experience, Intak not having a clue what to do if he was left alone with someone who was interested in him.

Before he could continue his personal pity party, Jiung emerged from the kitchen holding cups filled with mysterious liquid in each hand. He prompted Intak to take one, basically shoving the drink into his face until he took it into his own grasp. Looking down into the solo cup, it was as if Jiung had collected sewer runoff for the two of them to drink.

“Jiung, convince Intak to help me go talk to those girls over there,” Keeho pleaded, pointing across the room to a crowd of women Intak couldn't directly pinpoint.

Jiung didn't allow the suddenness of Keeho’s request to dampen his hot head. “Why?”

“Why?! Because–, whatever, nevermind,” Keeho grumbled to the two of them, stomping away to get lost in the sea of people.

Intak finally took a sip of his mixed drink, an assaulting flare of alcohol cinching the hairs in his nose as he brought the cup to his lips. There was a strong taste of whiskey, with traces of a soda mixer he couldn't pinpoint. It wasn't bad, but it definitely wasn't good.

“Sorry if it’s gross. I didn't have much to work with,” Jiung tried explaining, making Intak wave off his apologies.

“Don't be. I don't even want to know what it looks like back there,” Intak said, sighing out a laugh.

Their conversation skipped a beat as the music thumped around them. Jiung had taken the spot to the right of Intak, leaning against the wall with one of his legs lazily crossed against the other. Intak watched as he took a drink of his alleged whiskey and coke, sipping at the rim gently. Jiung’s Adam's apple bobbled as he swallowed it down, his expression turning into a grimace when the mixture hit his tongue. As he tilted his head back to face Intak, the liquid sloshed around in the cup, enough for some to escape down Jiung’s face. Intak’s eyes followed as droplets of liquor rolled down his chin before Jiung quickly wiped them away with his sleeve.

“Is there a reason why you didn't want to be Keeho’s wingman?” Jiung asked when there was a pause in between songs.

“You’ve met Keeho. He’s a lot, and like I told him, I’m tired, I–,” Jiung cut Intak off before he could continue his lame excuses.

“Have you ever been with a girl before?” He prodded.

Intak began to ramble before his brain could cognitively reach his mouth. “Yes! Of course I have. What kind of question is that, I’ve been with so many.”

Jiung eyed him in a way that told Intak he saw right through him. Still feeling as though he was caught, Intak’s muscles tightened and breath stopped, losing eye contact so he could stare at the floor. It was a futile attempt to begin with, knowing Jiung was the quickest to see the true intentions behind someone. But instead of continuing to pester him like Intak thought he would, he let him go without further questioning, burning his eyes into the back of his head for the rest of the night until Intak went home.

The party’s energy was still alive in his head when Intak arrived home, music and conversations overtaking his consciousness as he collapsed onto his bed. It was like he could still feel the heat of the room as he got under his covers, the same flushed features appearing whenever he closed his eyes.

Jiung’s question echoed like a broken record before he could drift off to sleep. Have you ever been with a girl before?

It was enough for Intak to shiver in his bed, a chill running down his spine as the embarrassment of knowing how translucent he truly was churned in the pit of his stomach. Tonight the facade he was wanting to play up was beginning to crack, with Jiung seeing through him like no one else had. Even Keeho was oblivious to the truth, always too busy with his own escapades to notice Intak slipping out for the night, alone.

Intak shifted uncomfortably, staring at the ceiling as his reality settled. He looked like a virgin because he was a virgin. All of his countless encounters with the opposite sex didn't matter. All they did was pass him by once he opened his mouth, stumbling over his words and giving them awkward gestures.

He swears he isn't all bad; there had been close calls, with it always being easier when he’d have too much to drink, and he knew his looks could allow him to get away with a lot. He wanted the lie he told Jiung to be real. He didn't want to be bad. He wanted to be good.

Intak’s phone buzzed on his nightstand. His screen had lit up with a message from Keeho, illuminating his once dark room.

Keeho: Where did ur ass fo

Keeho: go

Staring at the messages, his fingers hovered over the keyboard, his immediate intention being to respond. Letting him know he was fine, home, in bed, lying awake as anxiety ate away at his stomach. But he didn't. Tossing his phone to the side and rolling over, Intak closed his eyes to try to quiet down his mind.

When he woke up the next morning, he was only greeted with more messages. A large portion of them were from Keeho, talking into the void before finally realizing there wasn't anyone listening. Scrolling past them, his thumb halted over Jiung’s name.

Jiung: You good?

Jiung: I wasn't trying to make anything awkward last night… just wanted to see if you needed help with anything.

Intak read over his messages again, then once more. Help with anything. He stared at the text, wondering if he should leave Jiung on read like how he had with Keeho, wanting to pretend he never received it in the first place. He didn't even know what help he would need.

Intak: I’m good, thanks. I don't need any help.

He immediately regretted it after hitting send. He didn't know why he ended up responding like that, the pit in his gut growing as an odd mixture of disappointment and embarrassment hovered around him like a fog. Would Jiung be able to see right through him again?

Intak’s phone buzzed in his hand almost instantly.

Jiung: Okay. But if you ever want to practice, text me.

There was no way he read that right. Feeling his heartbeat thump in his ears, Jiung’s texts left Intak more uncertain than he already had been. The admission of his inexperience felt more real, making the words on his phone blur. Practicing. Intak’s stomach did a tight flip.

The implications of Jiung's words were too loud for him to ignore. What did he mean by that? Was he wanting to give him advice, or something else entirely? His questions swirled with the idea of asking Jiung for any kind of help, seeming absurd. What if he was just trying to be nice? Or he was joking, and Intak was reading too much into his messages?

A strange sense of relief washed over him. The idea that Jiung wanted to be there for him without judgment was comforting, while humiliation overcame him as he tried to figure out how to type out a response.

It was tempting to overthink it, to dissect every word and imagine a million different meanings, but the way Jiung so casually offered made Intak realize he really was wanting to help. The idea of pushing him away felt wrong.

Intak: Fine. I’ll take you up on that.

His response wasn't graceful, but it was enough. He pressed down on the send button before he could second guess himself.

Intak felt his heart skip a beat when his phone buzzed again.

Jiung: Cool, we can meet up whenever. My place is free this afternoon.

Allowing himself to pace around his room before throwing on a zip up hoodie, Intak tried shaking off any doubt that was continuing to grow inside of him. His high emotions didn't dissipate until he got to Jiung's doorstep, his fingers trembling to press the doorbell to announce his arrival. Jiung answered with a reassuring smile, his presence breaking down some of Intak’s tense nerves.

Jiung stepped back from the threshold to welcome him inside, greeting Intak with a clean apartment that he had been in many times before. It was different now, an unspoken truth hanging above them as Jiung shut the door behind him. Intak could already feel his cheeks heat up after he offered him a seat.

Taking a spot on the sleek couch that sat in the middle of the living room, Intak began to run his fingernails over his sweatpants mindlessly, picking at the pilled fabric. He wasn't sure what to expect as his mind roamed free, not caring if Jiung could read everything he was thinking on his face.

Intak’s voice was hesitant when he spoke. “I’m not really sure why I’m here.”

Jiung took a seat beside him. Staring down to pick at the skin around his fingers, Intak heard Jiung chuckle softly, his laugh breaking down some of the tension that had formed around them. “That’s okay, you don't have to know. And it’s alright to be confused, we all have to start somewhere.”

“I don't know what I want,” Intak blurted out, finally meeting Jiung’s eyes. His words felt vulnerable, but in a way that didn't make him want to hide. “I don't even know what it’s supposed to feel like. Or how to make it feel… right, you know?”

Jiung was nodding next to him, soaking in his words as though he understood exactly what he meant. “It’s not about being perfect,” he explained. “It’s about understanding what feels good for you.”

His words twisted inside of Intak’s stomach in a not entirely unpleasant way. The idea of practicing with Jiung was intimidating, but there was an odd comfort with his relaxed posture and lack of judgment. Instead of some type of performance, Jiung had taken away the expectations of strangers and parties, eliminating some of the nerves Intak was used to.

“Practice,” Intak repeated quietly, almost to himself. “Is this not weird? I mean, it’s like I’m trying to skip all the..I dunno. The stuff normal people do.”

Another smile tugged at the corners of Jiung's lips. “It’s hard to find normal.”

The idea of being with Jiung this way still felt strange, but it wasn't something Intak was fearing anymore. He was caught in a maze, full of twists and turns, and Jiung was the only one with the map.

“Okay,” Intak breathed. “I trust you.”

Jiung’s smile grew. “That’s all I need from you, trust. The rest we can figure out together.”

Intak wanted to say something back, delay the inevitable, but words weren't necessary anymore. He felt Jiung place a hand on top of his, stilling their continuous fidgeting as a new curious glint sparkled in his stare.

“We’ll take it slow,” Jiung had turned so he was facing him better. Grabbing one of Intak’s hands away, he laced their fingers together, closing his palm into his. “So you’ve never held hands with someone?”

Intak shook his head no. He knew Jiung was just wanting to gauge a starting point, but that knowledge didn't stop the growing blush on his cheeks from turning bright red.

“Sorry, I’ll stop with the questions,” Jiung apologized, his thumb rubbing across the back of Intak’s hand. “Follow my lead, pay attention to what I’m doing,” he explained.

This time Intak nodded, the intimacy that had begun to grow was defeaning when his eyes reached back to meet Jiung’s. He was at his will, giving him his entire attention as Jiung disconnected their fingers so that he could place his hand onto Intak’s cheek. The touch was warm and gentle, pulling Intak closer until Jiung could place his lips onto his.

It was like he had frozen Intak in place, his mouth sitting idle as he felt Jiung purse, trying to find purchase on what he could work with. Removing his lips, Jiung looked as though he was wanting to scold Intak.

“Stop thinking so much, and for the time being, pretending you don't have any teeth,” Jiung instructed, before dipping back down to connect with Intak’s lips.

This time, Jiung’s mouth was more forceful, explicitly pressing his tongue against Intak’s lips until allowing him in. Shakily breathing out, Intak tried to take his advice in clearing his thoughts, doing his best at remembering there wasn't any pressure placed on him. His muscles relaxed, and he found his fingers grazing the back of Jiung’s neck as he began to move his lips.

The kisses turned slow with Jiung eventually allowing Intak to take the reins by moving his lips only when he did, letting him taste his tongue when Intak was the one to lick into his mouth. It was like something had taken over Intak’s body, this unruly lust that was entwined with Jiung that made him need to be impossibly closer. Falling back onto the couch, Intak pulled Jiung down with him by tugging at his hair.

They kissed like that for a while, Intak’s tongue exploring Jiung's mouth while his hands roamed his body. He had started at his neck, reaching his chest to grip his pecs, wondering if he should pretend they were women's breasts. His hands traveled down Jiung’s stomach before resting against his hips, using the leverage to grind up against him.

Up until now, Jiung had been composed, only directing Intak if he was using too much tongue or being repetitive. When Intak had pressed himself against him, he noticed how a quiet gasp escaped him. Pulling away, Jiung disconnected their lips, revealing how swollen his had become. At first, Intak thought he must have done something wrong before feeling Jiung attach his lips to his neck, nuzzling his face to suck and kiss at the skin.

Jiung sank lower and lower, hitching Intak’s shirt up so that he could get to the waistband of his pants. It was like Intak was put on autopilot, not truly realizing what was going on until Jiung pulled at his sweatpants, revealing how hard he already was with tented boxers.

“Wait–, wait,” Intak pleaded, managing to find his voice. “What are you doing?”

“You said you wanted to know what it felt like, right? I’m going to give you a blow job,” Jiung explained, continuing his mission to discard Intak’s clothes.

Intak tilted his head back, Jiung’s words sending a jolt towards the pit of his stomach. Without having to look, he felt how Jiung had freed his cock from his underwear, wrapping his hand around the base to try and steady it as it twitched in his grip. Intak suddenly jerked, feeling a wetness slide up his shaft, Jiung’s flat tongue streaking a fat strip on the underside before dipping his mouth onto the head.

A moan Intak was trying to suppress ripped out from his chest when Jiung continued to lower his mouth, his lips enveloping around his cock. Reaching where his hand was resting at the base, Jiung held his place with Intak’s dick down his throat before lifting himself back up, repeating the motion with shorter strokes, the entirety of it covered in his saliva.

Taking in his entire length into his mouth, Jiung found his rhythm fast as he bobbed his head, intermittently lifting his hand to fist the bottom of Intak’s cock. A ripple of moans and whimpers were beginning to leak out of Intak the longer Jiung fucked him with his mouth, his hips buckling underneath him.

“Jiung, fuck–,” Intak exhaled, lifting his head back up to see Jiung already staring back at him. “You’re going to make me cum.”

Swirling his tongue around the tip, licking at the slit, Jiung bobbed his head once more before removing his mouth from Intak with a pop. Intak watched as Jiung lifted himself from his groin, taking no time to loop his thumbs under his pants, slipping them off along with his underwear. Kicking his legs away so that he could sit next to him, Intak took the hint to sit up, not taking his eyes off of Jiung as he spread open his legs. He lifted one of his feet onto the couch, using Intak’s infatuated gaze to grab at his hand.

“You’re going to need to finger them before you can put your dick in. It feels good for them, but it feels better for you too,” Jiung told him, before taking two of Intak’s fingers into his mouth.

It was warm and wet, with Jiung licking all along his digits to soak them in his spit. When he was satisfied with the amount of saliva coating up to his second knuckle, Jiung took Intak’s hand out of his mouth to guide it down to circle his hole.

Realization didn’t hit Intak until he felt the heat from the soft walls of Jiung’s ass. Jiung had attached his hand around Intak’s wrist, pulling him closer as his fingers sank further inside. His senses had flared, the texture of Jiung's pillowed insides contracting around his wet fingers becoming the only thing he cared about, his attention completely on the way Jiung’s ass constricted and puckered around him.

“Press your fingers–, yes, right there–,” Jiung managed to choke out before a moan took over.

When Intak hooked his fingers up, he could feel how they were met with a firm bulb that was making Jiung gasp and squirm whenever he rubbed against it. The grip around his wrist loosened as Intak found his rhythm, pumping in and out, gauging his touch by watching Jiung crinkle his brow and unhinge his jaw. It was like motivation, making Intak only want to thrust faster.

Jiung didn't tell him to stop until he was out of breath, his neck becoming the same shade of red as his cock. Slipping his fingers out, Intak could hear him lowly whimper, immediately making him think he did something wrong.

“Are you okay? Did I go too fast?” Intak’s voice dripped with worry.

“Don't worry about me, I’m fine,” Jiung reassured him, swinging his feet back onto the couch to place them on either side of Intak. Spitting into his cupped hand, he reached to begin gingerly fist at Intak’s dick, coating it with his saliva. “I’m a lot less fragile than you might think. Get up here on your knees.”

Following his orders like a well trained dog, Intak got himself in between Jiung's legs, instinctually placing his hand on one of his thighs, his fingernails dragging against the muscular flesh. Looking down at Jiung like this was making his head spin; hair a mess, cheeks flushed with his shirt hiked up enough to show off his slim waist and the butterfly tattoos that trailed up his torso. He looked good enough to eat.

“You want me to fuck you?” Intak asked, not realizing how obscene his question sounded until it was out of his mouth. Despite that, he saw how his words made Jiung’s eyes close, licking his lips as he nodded.

Pressing the head of his cock against the hole his fingers had just fucked open, Intak watched as it disappeared inside, swallowing the rest of his length until he was flush against Jiung’s ass. He stayed there, taking the chance to compose himself as he got used to Jiung clenching around him. It was tight and hot, nothing he could have ever imagined.

Intak felt hands graze his butt, resting at his hips. “When you move, remember not to get selfish, don't jackhammer your way to an orgasm,” Jiung cooed in a low voice, ending his sentence in practically a whisper.

Rolling his hips back, Intak thrusted forward for the first time, exchanging gasps with Jiung. None of the advice he was giving him was in vain, but Intak imagined he had watched enough porn to know what to do from here. Using Jiung's leg as leverage, he fucked into him again, making the heat that was pooling in his stomach threaten to spill over. Jiung’s hands had kept in place, guiding him with only a small amount of pressure as Intak continued to drive himself inside of his wet hole.

Intak’s dick throbbed, the feeling of Jiung around him becoming too much, the sensation sending him off to an unknown part of his brain. It was animalistic, uncontrollable as his pace quickened, making him drop his body to allow him to stare down at Jiung. His bangs were slick with sweat and his eyes were heavy, making Intak only want to fuck into him deeper, faster. The sounds that were coming out of his mouth weren't helping either.

“Can I kiss you?” Intak asked before he could stop himself.

Jiung answered by pulling him by the neck to crash his lips onto his. He swallowed Intak’s moans, grinding into him as they kissed to make up for his faltering pace. Nothing mattered in that moment except for the way he felt underneath Intak and how their bodies were beginning to feel like they were molding together.

The kiss was tender in a moment that was anything but gentle. The scalding fire coursing through Intak as his lips moved against Jiung’s, eventually having to break away when he could only focus on one task at a time. He dipped his head into the crook of Jiung’s neck, snaking his hands behind him to lock them together. Jiung moved to swing his legs around Intak, wrapping around him to bring him even closer.

Intak was practically holding Jiung when he came, repeatedly crying out his name while thick ropes of cum painted his insides. It was a dripping hot mess, his cock twitching out the last beads with a hoarse groan until he started to soften. Trying to control his breathing, Intak didn't notice how Jiung was still hard until he was slipping out of him. His first instinct was to reach and grip his hand around him, but he was swatted away before he could reach Jiung’s length.

“Don't worry about me,” Jiung told him, sitting back up to grab his pants that had been discarded on the floor. “This was about you.”

Intak was now sitting on the heels of his feet, watching Jiung with a dazed, baffled expression. He tried reaching for him again. “But you told me not to be selfish?”

Jiung shooed him away by getting up from the couch, slipping the waistband of his pants back above his waist. He turned so he no longer was facing Intak. “I meant when you have real sex, with girls.”

Intak’s face fell, his eyes dropping to the now empty space where Jiung was laying beneath him only minutes prior. His words had snapped him out of his trance, the weight of the situation he had put himself in finally settling. Frantically getting up from where he sat, Intak hastily lifted his pants up, but not before tripping over his feet as he tried to slip the fabric back past his ankles.

Jiung followed him out, keeping his distance until meeting Intak at the door. Turning to say goodbye, Intak finally saw how solemn Jiung’s eyes had become, free of deceit.

“You have nothing to worry about, okay?” Jiung told him, shutting the door of his apartment, leaving Intak in the hallway, alone.

Intak walked straight home that night, his millions of thoughts and questions flooding back once he was alone again. Jiung had done his best at being his tutor, guiding him through the steps of being intimate with someone, and yet Intak felt less prepared than before. He just had anal sex, with a man. Does that even count as his first time? Is he still a virgin? And what about Jiung? He had rushed Intak out so fast that all he had to do was blink, and he was back out on the street facing his apartment.

The next time Intak and Keeho went out, it was different. When Keeho found a girl to flirt with, Intak did too. When Keeho bought the girl a drink, Intak did too. When Keeho left the club to take her home, Intak did too.

Her hair was dark, but not as dark as Jiung's. She was skinnier than him, her small torso looking nothing like his. She has breasts and slim arms with no definition. It was easier than Intak imagined to get her to take her clothes off, only needing to kiss her before she was lifting her top over her head. Her pussy wasn't as tight as Jiung’s ass, instead feeling completely different.

Intak didn't cum as fast as he did with Jiung. It took time, having to patiently wait for the burn in his stomach to ignite. He could tell the girl was getting bored, beginning to lay there, fake moaning with a dull voice. He wished she could fool him.

When he finally did cum, Intak had grabbed her legs together in one hand, swinging them across his shoulder to try and squeeze his cock around her. Shutting his eyes, he didn't feel the ember inside of him spark until he imagined Jiung underneath him, sweating and begging Intak to cum.