prompt: things you said that i wish you hadn’t

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: angst

wordcount: 2338

Walking into your university’s building after a long weekend, you noticed your best friend Sofy sitting on the desks next to the big window wall, diligently going through her notes. You sped up your walk, letting out a relieved sigh at her sight and approached her slouched figure. With a big thud, you let your bag fall onto the ground and sat down beside her, making her straighten her posture and look up at you in confusion.

“Hey”, you sighed, moving a hair strand out of your face. “What are you studying?”

Her lips curved into an annoyed smile as she leaned back to show you her notes. “Japanese history. We have to do this stupid group presentation and you know how bad I suck at delivering presentations. I hate that professor.”

You grinned at her words. “I’m sure you’ll be fine. At least you don’t have to present it alone.”

She nodded before moving her notes to the side and turning back to look at you. “So? What happened yesterday? I mean, you texted me but I’m still confused as to what was actually going on.” Her face was covered in a mixture of worry and curiosity.

Only thinking about the event made you go sick. Never in your life had you experienced such a feeling of anger and frustration so bad that it made you go numb and sick at the same time, wanting to cry, scream and throw up all at once. Your hands started shaking again and tears welled up in your eyes as you shook your head at your best friend, trying to swallow the feeling of nausea.

“It’s a lot to explain, I don’t really want to talk about it”, you whispered. 

Happily, you walked into your classroom, relieved that the semester only had two weeks left and was coming to an end. Finally you would be free and do whatever you wanted without feeling guilty for neglecting university work. 

As you walked into the room, you saw him sitting on his usual spot. Instead of rushing to you with a loud exclamation of his nickname for you, paired with a huge grin on his face like he usually did, he kept staring down onto his phone, inserting his earphones and completely ignoring your presence. Your beaming smile directed at him slowly faded, as you sat down across from him in confusion.

Slowly, you took out your books as the classroom filled with more of your classmates, laughs echoing but you were stuck in silence. Deep in thoughts, you didn’t notice when the last missing part of your small group of three arrived, your friend Han. She sat down next to you as usual, but you were oblivious to that until you heard her whisper into your ear:

“Don’t talk to him today okay? He called me yesterday night and was really upset because of you. I’ve never seen him this angry.”

Irritated, you turned around to face her and raised an eyebrow. “He’s angry? At me? Why? What did I do?”

Han shook her head and only whispered “later” when the professor walked in and class started.

-

Ten minutes before class was supposed to end, Jungkook rushed out of class, excusing himself because he “had to go to work”. You knew him better than your classmates or your professor though and you knew that he never had to work for anything in his whole life. He was simply avoiding you.

Your heart clenched in your chest as you saw one of your closest friends walk out in anger, ignoring you so obviously on purpose while you didn’t even know what he was so pissed about. As class ended, Han lead you to the cafeteria where she bought herself lunch and you just sat across from her, waiting for her to explain.

“You really don’t know why he’s so furious?”, she asked you with a questioning look on her face as she shoved some weirdly smelling broccoli into her mouth.

“No, so can you please enlighten me?”, you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms in front of your chest. Slowly but surely you were getting annoyed by this whole situation. 

“You made him wait and never apologized.”

Saying that you were startled would be an understatement. 

“What, when? What are you talking about?”, by now your forehead was starting to hurt from scrunching your eyebrows together. Nothing made sense to you.

“He confessed to you last week even though he wasn’t planning to and we told him not to do it because of all the stress with finals. As it was out there already then, he goes for it and asks you on a date. You unexpectedly say yes and let me tell you that Sofy and I definitely did not reckon with that. And yes, before you even ask - we both knew about his feelings for you. Anyway, you said yes and he called both of us right after the date, practically gushing over how perfect it went and that you agreed on going on a second date. Yet, when he messaged you and asked when you want to go on that second date, you took days to respond. That’s not cool (Y/N)”, Han finished her explanation with a judging look on her face and went back to eating whatever that was that was sitting on her plate. 

“Hold up. I never agreed to a second date. And I definitely did not take days to answer. You know me, I don’t do that”, somehow this situation made you feel really attacked and misunderstood. That was not at all how it went.

“Well, Jungkook said so and was pretty pissed. He was waiting for your answer and was really excited but when you finally answered, you declined and didn’t even apologize for taking so long. You literally said, and I quote, ‘why should I apologize for something I can’t influence?’“, her fork was playing with the salad she had gotten with the main dish while her eyes were drilling through yours.

“Did you read the messages?”, you simply asked. She shook her head and continued eating.

“Then I will tell you what happened from my point of view okay? If you are my friend, you know I would never do something like that. He messaged me last Friday, asking for that second date, yes. But I was at work until late that day and couldn’t answer his text. When I got home later that night, I forgot that I had a message but I responded that same night shortly before going to bed. I told him that he misunderstood my answer”, you weren’t done yet but Han interrupted you.

“How can one ‘misunderstand’ an answer? It’s either yes or no.”

Slowly you were getting frustrated because she apparently had already picked sides - if there was something like sides in this situation - and wouldn’t even let you finish explaining.

“We went to my place after the date and he asked me how I thought of it and I said it was cool because it felt like we were two friends chilling and not really like a date. Jungkook then went on to ask if I’d like to chill like that again then and I said well yeah, like friends for sure. That for me was the soft way of friend-zoning him. Additionally, before going on that date, I told him that I currently only see him as a friend but if he really has feelings for me, I’m willing to give it a shot and see if maybe I was just blind this whole time. He agreed and accepted that. I also explained to him that he might have misunderstood my answer to his question regarding a second date. I explained that I don’t think it’d be a good idea to go on another date because I don’t reciprocate his feelings and I didn’t want to hurt him by leading him on. We had a little fight because he said that I took too long to respond and that’s when I said that I can’t influence the times that I work nor when he messages me so I would not apologize for not responding immediately. He accepted that as well and everything was fine. When I asked him if he needed space now he said I should just act normal. But now all of a sudden he’s pissed?”, your tone turned into a harsher one towards the end, emotions slowly taking over. You were such good friends. Why did this have to happen?

“(Y/N), you have to change your behavior. Not texting people back is honestly so rude. You have to change if you want to keep us as friends”, was all Han responded before grabbing her plate and standing up. “C’mon, we gotta go to class.”

“She really said that? I mean, of course it hurts if you have to wait for an answer like that for several hours but damn you were at work. What do they expect?”, Sofy was getting pissed on your behalf now as well and her already pretty high pitched voice had risen even more.

“So then what? Did he turn up to the next period? You usually sit next to each other there, don’t you?”

You nodded and sighed. “Yeah we sit next to each other in that class and he did show up but I wasn’t having any of his bullshit so I sat with others. If he was ignoring me, I could do the same to him. After class, I wanted to escape fast and go home but we usually have to take the same bus to the train station so there was no escape. Han left with the words ‘You two should talk’ and we stood there at the platform, both fuming and not looking at each other.”

Sofy moved closer in anticipation and her eyes were widely looking at you, waiting for the following words:

“I started talking and said that I’m sorry that I hurt him like that. I didn’t mean to do that. He was my best friend - besides you - and I just didn’t want to lose him. But you know what he did at those words?”

She attentively shook her head. “No, what?”

You clenched your teeth together and inhaled deeply. “He huffed and rolled his eyes at me. When I said that he was my best friend and I didn’t want to lose him, he huffed and rolled his eyes at me!”

Tears were about to fall out of your eyes again, so you quickly blinked them away and continued: “He then interrupted me and said that he thought better of me. He didn’t think I’d stoop so low. That I was such a cruel bitch. That he’d mean more to me than those other dudes I apparently had done this to before. He even went on to say that I lead him on. When did I ever lead him on, Sofy? I told him from the beginning that I didn’t have any feelings for him but that I was willing to try it if he accepts that! But he has the nerve to tell me, I lead him on. Oh and he accused me of acting like nothing had happened when I clearly asked him if he wanted space but he specifically said, I should act normally! He said so many hurtful things to me Sofy. So many. I was shaking, tears were rolling down my cheek but he was also crying. It hurt so much to see him like that but it also hurt like hell to hear those words from him. Luckily, my train arrived in that moment and I just left. That’s when I texted you and almost threw up on the other passengers.”

Your hands were shaking again and the sickness was overwhelming. The hurt and the broken trust was just too much to handle, especially during exam season. Just as Sofy was about to put her hand on your knee in comfort, you saw his figure outside of the window, walking unknowingly in your direction. Hastily, you stood up, making Sofy back away in surprise.

“I needed to pee anyway. Please don’t tell him, I was here”, you threw at your best friend before making your way upstairs to the bathrooms. 

Being extra slow, not wanting to be confronted by Jungkook like that again, you waited longer than usual before leaving the restrooms. Just as you went around the corner of the hallway out of the restroom section, you saw him standing there, waiting for you. Anger flamed up inside of you, yet you tried to stay calm. Crossing your arms in front of your chest to stop shaking, you nodded in his direction and walked past him, ready to flee. 

That wasn’t his plan though. 

Jungkook grabbed you by the arm, making you turn dramatically like they always do in those dramas on TV. Ironically, you enjoyed watching them but being in one in real life was completely different. 

“C’mon (Y/N), don’t be mad, let’s forget about yesterday okay?”, with those words, he hugged your frozen frame, trying to ease the tension. Nevertheless, you were burning with anger inside. All the disappointment and hurt was gone in that moment, it was all anger. How dare he touch you like that after spitting hurtful insults at you the day before? So when he let go of you, you straightened your posture again and turned to walk down the stairs.

“I will never forget about yesterday”, was what you said before rushing down the stairs. You saw Sofy watching both of you from her seat and she wasn’t the only one. Other students had caught onto the scene as well, curiously waiting for what would happen next. 

pretty sure we have a living bunny right over here, anyway heres another fic rec to celebrate the weekend woo 

lets start 

1) Chemistry

by @kpopscenari0blog

a namjoon x y/n fic 

ongoing series ( if im not wrong oh ho ) with 2 parts out

high school au 

2) Birthday Celebrations

by @hallyuwriters

a taehyung x  y/n x seokjin fic

oneshot 

dog hybrid au 

3) Black Butterfly

by @cremesuga

a jungkook x y/n fic 

oneshot 

tattoo au

4) Paranoia

by @taexquila

a yoongi x y/n fic 

oneshot 

5) Fucking Love

by @bulletproof-girl-scouts

a youngi x y/n fic 

oneshot 

6) Obsession

by @eureka-its-zico

a jungkook x y/n fic 

oneshot 

ceo au 

7) Sometimes Rain Falls

by @waitinginthedarke

im assuming its a taehyung x y/n fic though it wasn't specific yet as to which member x y/n fic it was

ongoing series with 3 parts out 

( anyway its a really good plot )

prince au 

lastly

8) S M

by @jiminelli

a jungkook x y/n fic 

ongoing series with part one out 

soulmate messenger au 

if you want, you can start leaving requests or thoughts in my inbox 💌

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader 

Word Count: 2.419

A/N: well I actually did finish it tonight, what a surprise! I don’t know what to think of this tbh meh, let me know your thoughts :)

also I did not proof read again, so there’s a high possibility that my tired brain did make some horrible mistakes in this and I already want to apologize for that

♔  WDTA 1

Her dress was hugging every single one of her curves like his hands used to do. Gently caressing her soft skin, like he used to do. The light illuminating her skin softly, giving it a golden glow, making her eyes sprinkle while her smile seemed to be able to cure illnesses. Her hair slowly swaying from side to side while she laughed at Hoseok’s jokes, placing one of her perfectly small hands on his shoulder for support, the way she used to do it to him.

Jungkook couldn’t tear his gaze from your figure, no matter how hard he tried. You looked like an angel descended from heaven. Nothing compared to you. He had bought you that dress as a Valentine’s gift, knowing that it wouldn’t stay long on your body while he was around and therefor giving himself a nice present as well. Seeing you was already hard enough but this whole situation made it ten times worse. What was he saying, a million times worse and more.

Memories of that exact night came flooding back into his mind, heart aching and tears filling up his eyes, about to spill. 

“You look really beautiful tonight (Y/N)”, he complimented you, looking for the same pain in your eyes that he was feeling.

“You really do (Y/N)! I really love your dress, where did you get it from?”, his girlfriend asked you. Her voice made Jungkook’s insides twist in regret, realizing how painful it might have been for you to sit right across from them.

Instead he saw you smiling back at her. “Thank you! Sadly, I don’t remember where I got this from… I think it might have been a gift or something”, you smiled apologetically and she shrugged before turning her attention back to Taehyung who was sitting on her other side. 

Nobody else seemed to notice that your hands were slightly shaking while brushing down your dress and when you spoke; you seemed to be a little out of breath, as if your nerves were taking up all your energy. 

Nobody, except for Jungkook. 

He noticed every small detail. He knew you like the back of his hand and seeing you like this, trying to hide your feelings, trying to stay strong while your eyes were already turning watery, he wanted to do nothing more than to hold you in his arms and tell you that everything’s going to be fine. 

That he would be there for you. Kissing those tears away while rubbing small circles into your skin, telling you how beautiful you were. He’d promise you as many times before that he would never leave you.

Wasn’t it ironical that he wanted to comfort you and tell you these things when he already did leave you? He already broke your heart, he was the reason behind those tears and he knew. Because he was feeling the same.

A tear silently rolled down his cheek before he could stop it and his hand was quick to wipe it off.

“Who is she Jungkook?”, your voice cut slices into his skin. Never had he seen you this angry.

“She’s just a friend from uni (Y/N), relax”, he tried to play it down, letting himself fall onto your couch and grabbing the remote to turn on the Sports News.

As he leaned back, you ripped the remote out of his hands, throwing it against the wall, making him flinch at the sound.

“Who. Is. She?”, one of your hands was holding onto your phone for dear life while the other one was being clenched into a fist, slowly turning white. Jungkook saw the anger burning inside of you and even though you were fuming, he still thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. His breath got caught in his throat as he looked up at you, getting lost in your eyes before your voice broke him out of his trance.

He shook his head a little and stood up, walking past you and rolling his eyes. “I told, she’s just a friend, no need to get jealous babe.”

“Don’t fucking ‘babe’ me Jungkook! What is this huh?”, you stopped him on his shirt, making him face your phone. There was a picture of two figures, one being held up against a wall by the other, while their tongues swirled around each other. His hands on her butt, her hands in his hair. Even though he recognized that scene on the screen, he shook his head again and shrugged. “Looks like some nasty college kids making out in the backyard of some house, how the hell am I supposed to know?”

He tried to free himself from your grip but you were holding his shirt so tight, he was scared it might rip if he broke apart violently. So instead, Jungkook stayed in place, eyes looking anywhere but at your face, heart beating painfully in his chest and blood pulsing in his ears.

“Look at me”, you whispered, voice already shaking as you knew him too well. Jungkook knew that you had figured out he was lying. Yet, he tried his best to seem convincing. He really didn’t want to hurt you. His love for you was stronger than anything he had ever felt. He didn’t want to cause you pain. Not for any costs.

Your finger softly turned his face to yours and he looked at your broken expression. “Look me in the eye and tell me this isn’t you making out with another girl. Look me in the eye and promise me that you didn’t do anything with her while you were at the exact same party yesterday.”

His gaze locked with yours and all his insides dropped. He wanted to lie. He wanted to tell you that he’d never do something like that to you, that you were his one and only. That all he ever had in mind was you and only you. Which was true. But in that one second, he allowed someone else into his mind and it all escalated. Escalated so bad, he’d never thought was possible.

“I-”, he started but his voice broke and he had to restart. Your big, dull eyes, filled with tears, hands shaking and clinging onto him as if her life depended on him, made lying so hard. His heart and mind battling each other between telling her the truth and hoping for the best, just kissing her and holding her, comforting her. Making her believe that he was the one she was looking for. the one that would never hurt her, never do something like that to her. 

“I- that’s-”, he stuttered and your eyes closed in resignation, small tears escaping your eyes and rolling down your cheeks. His hand automatically shot up to wipe them away but it got slapped away by your own as you turned around, facing away from him. “I swear, I didn’t mean to (Y/N). I- I could never hurt you like this!”

Jungkook noticed how desperate he sounded, how dumb and idiotic. But it was the truth. He never wanted this to happen. Never in a million years.

“Don’t pull that shit on me Jungkook! Don’t you dare pull that ‘I didn’t mean to’ crap!”, your voice had turned into screams, streams of tears covering your yet so beautiful voice, shattering Jungkook’s heart into tiny pieces. He reached out for you but you stepped back, giving his heart another crack.

“(Y/N)...”, he whispered but you cut him off. 

“Pack your stuff. Now. And get out of my apartment. I don’t want to see you ever again, you understand that? Never again!”

Your screams and sobs still echoed through his head. The same way your laugh and giggles wouldn’t leave his mind. Every beautiful and every painful sound that ever left your mouth was burned into his memory. Every moment he had spent with you, every smile, every playful smack, every hug, every touch. Every stupid joke. Every silly comment. 

Everything.

There wasn’t a night where he didn’t miss your touch, your smell, your soft hums. He had gotten used to your body laying beside his at night that he barely slept now. He missed you like lungs missed the air. He missed you like fish missed the water. He missed you like the birds missed the sky. He missed you like the sun missed the moon. It was unbearable and yet he was the one who caused it.  

Now you were standing beside him, applauding to one of the manager’s speeches while waiting for this dinner to be over. Jimin was standing on your other side, making Jungkook fume with anger and jealousy. He was supposed to be the one being there for you. He was supposed to be the one being to hold you whenever, kiss you whenever and erupt into little giggles with you together. 

As everybody started heading back to their seats, Jungkook took the opportunity and stopped you by gently grabbing your wrist. Electricity ran through both of your bodies, your eyes widening in disbelief as Jungkook smiled slightly. 

He turned to Jimin. “Hey man, can I borrow her for a minute?”, Jungkook knew that if he asked Jimin, his hyung would say yes and you wouldn’t have an excuse to say no to him.

As predicted, Jimin smiled and nodded before heading back to his seat, leaving the two of you alone. You looked lost and Jungkook’s instincts to protect you from anything bad became more prominent. He swallowed hard, reminding himself that it wasn’t in his rights to feel like this any longer.

“Let’s go somewhere more quiet, I need to talk to you”, he said before turning into the direction of the balcony, looking back once to make sure you were following him.

Stepping outside, he held the door open for you and a mild breeze hit your naked skin, making goosebumps appear. Jungkook noticed that you were feeling uncomfortable in his presence and he lowered his head in sadness. If anyone would have told him a year beforehand that you two would end like this - not that anyone knew about the two of you to be able to tell him - he would have laughed at him and declared him for mad. 

“So, what did you want to talk about?”, you asked casually, avoiding his gaze and looking up at the stars instead. He smiled a little at your behavior, knowing that you were only doing that because you were too nervous (and hurt) to face him directly. 

“I’m sorry”, Jungkook apologized suddenly, making your head snap at him, eyes wide in surprise. Quickly, you caught yourself and looked back into the restaurant, making sure that nobody was looking for the two of you.

“For what?”, you raised one eyebrow at him, questioning his apology. Anyone could apologize but not everybody knew what they were apologizing for.

“For promising you that I would be the man that you needed. For promising you that I’d never ever hurt you. For promising that I would never leave you, no matter how hard times would get. For promising you a future together. For promising everything we both wanted and needed and yet standing here, having broken every single one of those promises”, a lump started to rise in Jungkook’s throat so he quickly swallowed and continued.

“I’m sorry for glorifying your simple being, loving everything you do or didn’t do. For falling so hard for you that everything else just didn’t matter anymore. For making you fall so hard for me that you were blind to anything that didn’t involve me. For causing you so much pain that breathing alone was one of the hardest tasks you had to go through in your entire life. I’m sorry for every single tear you shed because of me, every single scream you led out because of me. For every broken vase, every deleted picture and every deleted song. I’m sorry for every time you had to run to the bathroom in the middle of the night, throwing up into the toilet because you thought that this pain was about to eat you out alive, burning you from the inside and taking all the air from your lungs.”

Your eyes had started to well up with tears, bottom lip stuck between your teeth, trying to hold your composure. When Jungkook looked at you, you breathed out, shaking your head.

“How do you know all this?”, your voice was barely whisper but Jungkook would have heard you anywhere.

“Because I felt the same.”

“Why now?”, you choked out before tears wet your puffy face.

“Because I see you with him (Y/N). I see how you’re trying to forget about me, about us. I see how every time he touches you, you flinch but act as if nothing happened. I see how when you open up, you cling onto him as if you were scared he might leave you as well. I see the dark circles around your eyes, no matter how hard you try to cover them up. You don’t sleep at night because you can’t let his warmth lull you in like mine did. You can’t move on even though I know you want to”, Jungkook’s voice started shaking at the thought of what’s going to come. He closed his eyes, ignoring the stinging feeling in his chest and the burning in his lungs that were telling him that this was not right. 

“That’s why I’m telling you this”, he breathed out, looking at you sincerely. “So you can find closure and move on. Be happy with him. Let him love you like I did and love him like you loved me. He’s the one you need, the one you want. He will be your happiness.”

“Jungkook...”, you choked out in between tears but he shook his head and smiled at you, tears now also streaming down his face. 

“Shh it’s okay. You deserve him”, was all he could muster to say before reaching out for the door handle, ready to go back inside.

“What about you?”, you asked heartbroken, grabbing his arm and holding onto it.

“I’ll be fine”, was all he said, before placing a soft kiss onto your forehead, lips lingering on your skin a little bit longer before opening the door and going back to the table as if nothing had happened.

Because for him, nothing would change. 

Except for seeing you being finally happy with his best friend.