#jilliedally

So when I said I’m glad I'm difficult to deal with, I meant it. Because then I know that the people who stayed will stay for all time.

To be myself and still be seen, loved, and appreciated all at once is such a blessing.

No, I'm never really fine.

And so what if there’s no end in sight? So what if you can’t know what it’s like until it's done? Who are you to play God, all-knowing and mighty? You cannot wish for greatness above and beyond. Get off your high horse. Shatter the mask and swallow that pride. Learn to deal with what's in front of you. And yes, even when it's a leap of faith each time.

The gripping realization of irredeemable incompetence is paralyzing. And the only way for me to able to live with myself is to work with what I can at the moment. The longer hours clocked in is in hopes for finding a cure to this imposter syndrome. I'm consciously aware that later nights and earlier days burn you bright and burn you fast. Even so, I concoct the midnight oil. With my nose to the grindstone, I live on some days and slave on others. That's how I survive – how THEY will survive.

Day 37

I've been listening to this song the entire day and battling with myself whether to blurt it out or keep it to myself. I hear 'God sent those eyes to get me through the night' and I lose it. I remember all the moments I'd have rather quit but your silent strength pulls me back up my feet. You don't save me from myself. You make me stand and deal. You take my hand and set me up for the fight. I hear your silent prods: you understand; you believe; you'll hold my hand through it all.