Aug 8, 2015
how long can I go without eating?
over 24 hours so far...
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how long can I go without eating?
over 24 hours so far...
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so who wants to overdose on some pain meds tonight?
The Weepies - Not Your Year
07/06/2014
I just felt really bad on my birthday this year. I was thinking a lot about my parents and how I can’t really ever go home. Not that I want to, but I wish I could want to. I just wish I wasn’t so screwed up. I wish I wasn’t as angry as I still am. I don’t want to be that person. I feel so lost. I don’t know how to not be two people. One that I hate and one that I cannot hold on to. I’m sorry that I worried you. You didn’t do anything to upset me. I was pretty okay with letting my birthday go by. It hasn’t mattered all that much in years so I didn’t expect anything. I just don’t know how to say these things. It seems too stupid or meaningless to worry the rest of the world with. So I just keep it to myself. I listened to Cohen for a bit and cried, and now I don’t know what else to do but wait for these feelings to pass. They always seem to, even though they always come back around again. I’m just tired of being broken and angry and in pain. I’m tired of fighting: myself, the world, these feelings. And I don’t know what to do about it.
So yesterday was Father's Day
and I feel really guilty that I am no longer in contact with my family. Like I've let them down and I don't deserve anything. And I'm so afraid of them. I didn't have any problems with Mother's Day, but with my father it all seems much more important since I can't represent myself in any way positive. Which is also the same with my mother but I just keep hearing my father's voice telling me off and talking down to me in the tone he uses for referring to peoples he thinks should be nuked off the map.
I don't want to feel guilty. And I don't want to feel depressed. Or depressed about being guilty. Or any of it.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Everything is horrible and I just want oblivion. Sweet, sweet oblivion and the silence that goes with it.