But yeah, sucks that from my feeble attempts of blogging my mind away these past couple of years, i never hit off any sort of consistency.

This log will be another reach. Another hand out in the void of digital existence. An outlet where i can freely allow my mind to wander and my composition to hopefully sharpen.

let's see how this go this time

So I started working now, yay. I finally got a call from the Walmart my grandparents are currently working in. Luckily for me, they recently just got an opening for a sales associate at the electronics department and what other department would I choose over that :3c  

The majority of my first week at Walmart was filled with me on the computer for hours trying to finish slides and videos for new employees to learn the basics for working there. And now I’m on my second week, finally on the sales floor stocking and helping customers. It’s a pretty fair job and I know there’s a big chance I’m going to suffer in the future of how boring it’ll eventually get but I’m getting money for it and that’s more than enough reason for me to not complain about it. 

I still never got the chance to drive here yet, but I’ve had my license for some time now. Hopefully I can still drive. I’m pretty sure my nerves might get to me once I start again, but I’ll get over it eventually. So right now I ride with my grandparents when my uncle drops them to work. I’m trying to get my schedule the same or at least identical to my grandparents’ so ride wouldn’t be a problem. 

uhhhh

Other than that, I don’t really do much. I feel pretty unmotivated here. feelsbadman. I’m pretty sure the fact that I was separated from my friends, home, and girlfriend got me pretty bad, but I’m not presently noticing how big of a toll it got to me. I get mad and irritated easily. I go into a weird state of confusion where I just don’t really know what to think about. I feel like I might be going bipolar. But idk. I keep it in my head that it’ll get easier, but at the same time i feel it getting more difficult. It’s just been a rollercoaster in my head these past weeks. I just want to go home. I miss Guam. No matter how better you can say it is here. I was on the track to coming back to college there and I had a pretty fair job that’s willing to work around me being a working student. I have amazingly nice friends to keep me company and be as my family. I found love. To be honest, I feel like that was life I was heading to. I felt content. It was nice. It was simple. I did not want to leave it behind. This all just sucks for me. I’m probably sounding really fucking selfish right now, but I did not need to move here. No matter what anyone says, it’s legit unnecessary for me to be here right now. My dad is fine. My sisters are doing well. My mom just takes care of my dad. Life seems fucking good here. Why. The. Fuck. Do. I. Need. To. Be. Here. WHy did I decide to fucking give in and agree to fly all the way here? Oh yea, because my fucking mom was begging and crying and shit. Sorry if I sound so fucking heartless right now, but I was never a family person to begin with so I could not careless. It just irritated the fuck out of me that she had to constantly message me and tell me about how they need me here. I agreed to go, because I dont want it to eventually come to a point where she gets so much people involved and I’m constantly confronted by people asking or telling me to go to my family. ANd I cant really tell them I dont care now can I. Shit sucks. I wont say I’m not mad but fuck, I guess I just have to go through this. 

lol i kinda got a bit worked up there so imma stop. i starting to boil up. guess this can work as an update about myself. 

oh, the few things I really enjoy right now is being in skype with my girlfriend and playing league with friends back home. and I guess some of the food here. other than that, I dont care about everything else lol. 

So second week of staying here and I am doing okay I guess. I still do not really do much aside from help out with chores, hang out with my dad, and laze around on my laptop. I was able to exchange my Guam license for a Texas one, with only having to take a vision test and not having to go through a written or road exam. My license card should be coming in the mail in a week or so. So technically, I have the privilege to drive, but I have not gotten driving experience on Texas roads. But it should not be too bad. As far as I see it, the only problem I might experience is getting the hang of driving on the freeway. It is much more fast paced than driving around town and even more so than driving in villages. I am not ready for missing my turns or other mistakes I will embarrassingly do since I am such a hesitant driver. 

Since I am with my family again, I will have to attend Sunday morning mass again so there is that. So far, as much as my dad has improved, he acts kind of like a child. He has a carefree attitude and does not want to deal with things he does not want to. He does not take things seriously. If I would ask him a question about work or his intentions to work, he would just leave or ignore the conversation. But I guess it has still been a great improvement through all the hardships he has gotten through while recovering. My mom has just been taking on cooking and taking care of some chores and as well as watching over my dad. My sisters are doing fine. They are just attending school. 

Luckily, I have already eaten at a couple of Asian restaurants here. One was a Japanese restaurant and it was pretty alright. The sushi and tempura was pretty bomb. And the other one was a Chinese buffet. And that was a lot of food. Nothing special, but still pretty good I guess. I have also tried out a couple of bubble tea places here. I am happy to say, they are not disappointing, although I regret getting an avocado smoothie. It was much different from the avocado shake I usually get on Guam. Also, I did not know that milk tea is also referred to as cream tea. I thought cream tea was some other thicker drink, but it was not. 

I was also finally able to somewhat break some ice between me and my two cousins. Thankfully we have some things in common. The older one, which if my age by the way, plays League of Legends and the younger one, which is my sister’s age, plays Super Smash Bros for the WiiU. So needless to say, those two games made some conversations for me. I still barely talk to my aunt and uncle though. I do greet them whenever I see them so at least I am trying to not be rude. I do not really feel like there need to be ice broken for my grandparents as they comfortably just talk to me so there is that. 

So that is all I have to say for now I guess. I will try to do things like this at least once a week. Note that I said try.

Oh and weather lately has been hot. I miss the cold already. I used to freeze when sleeping, but now I feel the need to sleep shirtless again. 

i used to post quite frequently, but i guess ive been losing that desire or purpose. i remember trying to make blogging a thing for me, but i ended up going back to almost purely reblog based. but idk, that just might be because i would force myself to blog about anything, even nothing really happens. id try to make up a discussion over some small thing that happened or something idk. guess after some time i started feeling like i was just forcing myself to write something down. i just thought that there was no quality or meaning to my posts anymore. kinda like a musician that cant really find a good melody or lyrics anymore but they insist on anything and end up releasing a very very sad excuse of an album that will barely sell and even give the band or artist a bad image. 

so hopefully, with something this big and new happening in my life, id finally find things reasonable enough to blog about and hopefully get my drive back and maybe even get a flow of it lel