#jeysus

tagged by @iamyourwayout (HEHEHE finally time to share my horrid music listening habits)

Infinite Baths by Sleep Token

Gethsemane by Sleep Token

Euclid by Sleep Token

The Night Does Not Belong To God by Sleep Token

Stranger by Rabbitology

Wildfire (Gone, Gone, Gone) by Rabbitology

Smoke Signals by Phoebe Bridgers

Simple Fix by Aimee Mann

Looking Back by Lord Huron

Frozen Pines by Lord Huron

john goes into it not exactly wanting something super serious, he more just wanted someone to be able to.. come home to. something to warm up his life (and bed) outside of combat. he quickly learns that pav is not interested in sex like that (he’s awkward and tense and john has to really coax him through it)— but he’s… okay with it, and so john continues on, still not looking for something super serious. but he eventually realizes that he really likes pav but that he’s… not easy. he can’t fix pav, and that scares him. so he decided to diplomatically break things off before it gets too messy.

meanwhile pav is all in. he’s obsessed with john, but he just doesn’t know how to do it. he’s never been in a relationship before— hell, he’s never fully allowed himself / had the time to experience anything more than passing attraction, and here’s this beautiful, charming man showing interest in him! and he kind of loves john instantly for that. but he’s also so used to being alone, and he gets so wrapped up in his own head that he almost.. forgets john exists. he doesn’t ask to see him, he doesn’t text him first, etc. hes lovely when john does initiate things, but he’s not a good boyfriend. he’s so ashamed about existing that he just has a hard time functioning especially when in a “relationship” (it’s more friends with benefits sort of thing but. that counts as something)

so when they break up the first time it’s kind of an awakening for both of them. for john he realizes that despite all these years of lonely nights and the occasional hookups at a bar he does want something long term. he maybe had convinced himself he was a lone wolf up until this point. but now he’s aching for something more and he wants that with pav.

and for pav he realizes that he’s a fucking mess. he starts to overhaul his entire life. he works on keeping his apartment clean and he stops fixating so much on the gym (he used to spend like 6 hours a day there after work running himself into the dirt) , he starts to eat more than what he “allowed” himself before (cheap chicken and rice, both for protein and also he’s terrified of ‘losing money’) he really does try to improve the way he goes about every aspect of his life because before he was doing everything in the manner most difficult for him and it was self destructive. he buys himself an actual bed instead of just a mattress. that’s big.

and then they find each other again. john goes to nikolai’s garage and pav is working there. it’s awkward and quick but they start texting again. very quickly their spark is reignited. they decide to try again. they both explain that they’re “better” and this will go better.