Every now and then I think about the concept of Jesus in spn and the options are either funny or confusing, like:
1: My guy died on the cross and that was that (Jesus in the empty??????? Or some random room in heaven???)
2: He’s off drinking piña coladas and don’t give a fuck
3: Didn’t even exist and Chuck lied about his existence to garner sympathy and worship from humans and for The Plot™️.
4: He was actually just some carpenter dude and Chuck lied about him being his son so his book would be more interesting
5: The trinity is real???
6: A secret option I haven’t thought of
Because THERE ARE statues and objects and crosses in spn, so SOMEHOW Jesus was a thing, yet he’s never mentioned as an option for help or anything.
I looooooved pondering this, and I HEARTILY approve of all your answers. As I sat on this ask, I've been trying to think of a super fun secret option (TM) for you. And well... I really, really wanted to think of a ✨Fun✨ option for you, but I thought of an 💀Awful 💀 option instead.
Yay!
Here we go... I was thinking that since nothing is sacred in SPN, they wouldn’t handle it with kid gloves but with abject campiness.
So I thought... he’s obviously gotta be a no-name drunk who sits around in his underwear searching for WHY. After all, he got human-sacrificed by his fucking dad. (And he's also KINDA but not REALLY his dad.) Doesn’t matter that he came back to life—he’s Still Devastated(TM) about it.
I mean. He was supposed to be “the sacrifice to end all sacrifices” in his culture, right? Paul spun the whole thing as “He died for your sins” so people would finally stop sacrificing their kids… but all these humans, they carried right on doing it anyway.
Now he’s bitter, watching history repeat itself, and that bitterness is eating him alive, so he's out to prove that ANYONE would kill their fucking kid if they were really pressed, right? It helps him justify what happened. He can still love his dad because it's what anyone would have done.
And here's the awful part.
I was like—OH. THAT'S JUST CHUCK.
EDIT:
If Chuck is Jesus, then the punchline writes itself: Jesus really does come back to slay his enemies—just not the way anyone expected. Because Chuck isn’t God at all, he's PRETENDING to be the head honcho... and that's why he doesn't wanna be called God (or Jesus). But really... He’s just Jesus with a cosmic chip on his shoulder, still furious at being sacrificed, and that bitterness has calcified into nihilistic narcissism...
EDIT 2:
Boy, that sure puts his wish to be killed by Dean The Ultimate Killer in a different (Godly?) trauma light.
AND his fate of being cast into humanity once more... becomes one Helluva bookend.
EDIT 3:
It also, uh, makes you question why he seems to want Michael and Lucifer to kill each other soooo badly. Maybe he's just jealous of how God didn't sacrifice them? The ultimate revenge is killing the favored children, yay! 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪
EDIT 4:
He would EEEEVEN make a very fun seeecret Jesus-prototype, like perhaps the son of King Mesha, the one who was either dashed to bits on the city wall or immolated (depending on which historical interpretation you prefer). He wasn't deified per se, but he did ensure military success and could be a tupla-like merging of the traditions, like a chimera of all that pain...
Anyway, he'd be soooo jealous of any favored son, I think...
I also think about how Chemosh is the one dude that canonically BEATS God, soo... anything tied to him could very easily be elevated as having Too Much Power. Not the Father, not the Son, not even the Holy Spirit. Just the sacrificial parasite who learned how to fake them all.... ANYHOO.
I think SPN would desecrate the story by horroring at the human sacrifice roots of it all, as it probably should.
I'm sorry for this, and you're welcome. <3
